2020-03-12
S老师在介绍美国文化时提到一个词personal space，我就顺势问了一下美国的社交距离social distance问题。为了比对，S老师讲到日本人是social distance最远的。并形象地举例说在很远的地方就鞠躬90度，并热情地一句：
おはようございます (Ohayōgozaimasu，早上好)，或久しぶり(Hisashiburi，好久不见)。画面感很强。
而美国人则不同。下图的这种距离对于日本人来讲可能有点太近了。
以下是随时能看到的，各种各样的都有：亲吻、握手、拥抱、搂一下、击一下拳头、肘部等。以上大约是熟人之间。即便在路上行走，遇见陌生人，也会打个招呼，甚至开车的人也会对迎面的行人举手示意一下。不同年龄段、不同场合都有不同表现。但不管怎样，根本不会由这些行为联想到性。这有点像看运动员们跳水或游泳，他们着装再少，而你却只关注是否取得了胜利。
所以文化的差异，需要关注。这样才能避免因文化的差异引起一些误会。这可能也是马云提到的，人工智能无法代替语言的学习。因为我们首先需要了解对方的文化。
在我们朋友之间，除非喝酒喝多了，如果男男在大街上拥抱或手牵手(我还真在西安见过两位老男人手牵手的情景，当时倒吸一口气!)总是给人不自在的感觉--酒喝我多了，有其中一位握着另一人手没完没了地说话者有之，但也少见手牵手者。同样地，聊天时，如果一个人无意识地一味地靠近，总要招来对方事后的表态：这人为什么聊天时这么距离近呢？
关于个人空间的问题，分别看几个方面：
- 什么是个人空间Personal Space ？
About Personal Space
The term “personal space” generally refers to the physical distance between two people in a social, family, or work environment. Think of your personal space as the air between your body and an invisible shield, or bubble, you have formed around yourself for any relationship.
The distance between you and your shield most likely varies from one person to another, depending on a variety of factors, including how well you know the person, your relationship to that person, how much you trust him or her, and your culture. In order to put others at ease, it's important to understand the importance of personal space.
关于个人空间
术语“个人空间”通常是指在社交，家庭或工作环境中两个人之间的物理距离。 可以将您的个人空间视为身体与看不见的盾牌或气泡之间的空气，因为它们之间存在着任何关系。
您与盾牌之间的距离很可能因人而异，具体取决于多种因素，包括您对这个人的了解程度，与该人的关系，对他或她的信任程度以及您的文化。 为了让其他人放心，了解个人空间的重要性很重要。
- 个人空间的决定因素
Determining Factors for Personal Space
The comfortable space between you and someone you know well will probably be much smaller than it would be if you barely knew the other person. With a stranger, it is even greater. Typically, people who live in crowded cities have smaller personal space preferences than those who live in wide-open spaces.
Other factors that determine a comfortable personal space:
Male to male
Female to female
Male to female
Professional relationship – any combination of male and female
Romantic versus platonic relationship
Culture and country
Average comfort levels of personal space distance in the U.S.:
Approximately 0 to 20 inches for intimate couples
Approximately 1-1/2 feet to 3 feet for good friends and family members
Approximately 3 feet to 10 feet for casual acquaintances and coworkers
More than 4 feet for strangers
More than 12 feet for speaking to a large group
个人空间的决定因素
与您熟识的人之间的舒适空间可能比如果您几乎不认识对方时的舒适空间要小得多。 与一个陌生人，它甚至更大。 通常，居住在拥挤的城市中的人比居住在开放空间中的人对个人空间的偏好要小。
决定舒适个人空间的其他因素：(这里有些因素不甚了解)
男对男
女对女
男对女
专业关系–男女不限
浪漫与柏拉图的关系
文化与乡村
美国个人空间距离的平均舒适度：
亲密伴侣：大约为0到20英寸
好朋友和家人：大约需要1-1 / 2英尺到3英尺
熟人和同事：约3到10英尺
陌生人：超过4英尺
与大群人交谈时：超过12英尺
个人空间的基本规则
General Rules of Personal Space:
These rules vary according to culture and location, so they're not etched in stone. They're here as a guideline for social and professional etiquette.
Here are some basic rules:
Never touch anyone you don’t know.
Don’t reach for anyone else’s children, regardless of your intentions.
Stand at least 4 feet away from a person unless you know him or her well.
When someone leans away from you, you are probably in that person’s space that makes him or her uncomfortable. Take a step back.
If you walk into an auditorium or theater that isn’t crowded, leave an extra seat between you and the next person. However, it is acceptable to sit next to someone if the room is crowded.
Never lean over someone else’s shoulder to read something unless invited.
Never go through anyone else’s personal belongings.
Don’t allow your dog to go to the bathroom on someone else’s property.
Acknowledge personal space on the road. Don’t tailgate when driving.
Don’t fling your arm around someone’s shoulder or slap anyone on the back unless you know the person very well.
Don’t enter a room or office without knocking first.
Don’t cut in front of people in line.
个人空间一般规则：
这些规则因文化和位置而异，因此不会被刻蚀在石头上(一成不变)。这里是社交和职业礼仪的指南。
以下是一些基本规则：
切勿触摸您不认识的任何人。
无论您的意图是什么，都不要伸手去碰触别人的孩子。
除非您非常了解他或她，否则请与他至少保持4英尺的距离。
当某人向您倾斜时，您可能在该人的空间中，这会使他或她感到不舒服。退后一步。
如果您走进不拥挤的礼堂或剧院，请在您和下一个人之间留一个额外的座位。但是，如果房间很拥挤，可以坐在某人旁边。
除非受邀，否则切勿倚靠别人的肩膀看东西。
切勿检查别人的个人物品。
请勿让您的狗去别人家的洗手间。
在路上确认个人空间。开车时不要跟车太近。
除非您非常了解对方，否则请勿将手臂甩在别人的肩膀上或拍打后面的任何人。
请勿不敲门进入房间或办公室。
不要在别人面前插队。
工作中的个人空间
Personal Space at Work
Observing boundaries in the office is important to maintaining professionalism. However, after working with people for years and getting to know them, these lines may have become blurred, especially if you work in cubicles or have an open office concept. Be aware of other people's reactions, and if they seem uncomfortable, add more space between you.
Keep in mind that others who don’t know you well, including supervisors, may misunderstand what they see. That is why you should observe professional distance while at the office and reserve more intimate gestures for after hours.
If you're working with a client or prospect, avoid the urge to get too close. The person may not want your service or product if they feel as though you're intruding on their personal space. You don't want to turn people off if you're trying to make a sale.
Work policies:
Be aware of company policies regarding relationships with coworkers.
Don’t assume your relationship with a coworker or supervisor is personal.
Avoid hugging or other familiar gestures, even if you have a personal relationship with them.
Only step into someone’s workspace if you know you are welcome. Be respectful if you sense the person is busy.
Save personal conversations for the lunch break or after hours.
工作中的个人空间
遵守办公室的界限对于保持专业水平很重要。但是，在与人合作多年并了解他们之后，这些界限可能变得模糊了，尤其是当您在小隔间工作或拥有开放式办公室的概念时。注意其他人的反应，如果他们看起来不舒服，请在您之间增加空间。
请记住，其他不太了解您的人（包括主管）可能会误解他们所看到的内容。这就是为什么您在办公室时应保持专业距离并在下班后保留更多亲密手势的原因。
如果您正在与客户或潜在客户合作，请避免与他人过于亲近的冲动。如果他们觉得您正在干扰他们的个人空间，则该人可能不想要您的服务或产品。如果您想进行交易又不能拒绝别人(turn people off )。
工作方针：
了解有关与同事关系的公司政策。
不要以为您与同事或主管的关系是私人的。
避免拥抱或其他熟悉的手势，即使您与他们有个人关系。
仅当知道自己受到欢迎时才进入某人的工作空间。
如果您感到对方很忙，请保持尊重。
在午餐休息时间或下班后控制个人对话时间。
- 如果有人侵入您的个人空间怎么办
What to Do if Someone Invades Your Personal Space
When someone gets uncomfortably close to you, there are several things you can do. Keep in mind that being direct may hurt the other person’s feelings, so before speaking your mind, determine whether or not the issue is worth bringing up.
Ways to deal with space intrusion:
Accept it.
Lean away from the person or take a step back, hoping he or she will take the hint.
Come right out and say you are uncomfortable being so close.
Explain why you need more space. For example, if you are left-handed and the person is too close to your left side, comment on how you need the space to take notes without your elbow being jostled.
如果有人侵入您的个人空间怎么办
当有人不舒服地靠近您时，您可以执行几项操作。请记住，直言不讳可能会伤害对方的感觉，因此在说出自己的想法之前，请确定是否值得提出这个问题。
解决空间入侵的方法：
接受。
远离人，或退后一步，希望他或她会得到提示。
马上说出来，你是如此的亲密。
解释为什么需要更多空间。例如，如果您惯用左手，而此人离您的左侧太近，请评论一下如何需要空间来做笔记，而不会肘部被打乱。
- 教孩子如何保护自己的个人空间
Teach Kids How to Protect Their Personal Space
When teaching manners to small children, show them how to protect their boundaries and respect the personal space of others. Explain how important it is to follow the wishes of people who tell them to back off. Make sure you tell them in a language they understand.
Some parents use the bubble analogy, explaining that everyone has an invisible bubble around them, and when you get too close, it pops. Also, tell your children that they should let you know if anyone tries to touch them inappropriately.
教孩子如何保护自己的个人空间
在教小孩子礼貌时，向他们展示如何保护自己的边界并尊重他人的个人空间。解释服从告诉他们退后的人们的意愿有多重要。确保以他们理解的语言告诉他们。
一些父母使用泡沫比喻，解释说每个人周围都有一个看不见的泡沫，当你离得太近时，它就会弹出。另外，告诉您的孩子，如果有人试图不当地触摸他们，他们应该让您知道。
资料来源或进一步参阅：
https://www.thespruce.com/etiquette-rules-of-defining-personal-space-1216625
https://www.slideshare.net/monzoluis/personal-space-between-countries
https://casework.eu/lesson/proximity-and-distance/
https://progressivearmy.com/2016/08/26/americas-social-distance-crisis/
https://www.slideshare.net/BharathShankar3/personal-space-web-20
