Today, I found out I'm allergic to soil, pollen, dust, mold, the colors green, yellow, orange, black and grey, most metals, wood, carpet, drywall, most hygiene and beauty products, and plastic. Basically, I was told to avoid the entire planet and everything man-made. FML
今天，我发现我的土壤，花粉，灰尘，霉菌过敏的颜色，绿色，黄色，橙色，黑色和灰色，大多数金属，木材，地毯，石膏板，大多数卫生和美容产品，塑料。基本上，我被告知要避免整个星球和一切人造。FML
Today, after finally breaking my addiction to sleeping pills, right as I was drifting off to sleep at my first decent drug-free time in over 4 years... I got the hiccups. FML
我患有比较严重的失眠症，四年来一直需要服用安眠药才能睡着，此为前提，就在今天我的失眠症终于治好了可以不需要再继续服用安眠药，现在，我患有持续性的打嗝，我操。FML
Today, I learned the hard way why no matter how constipated you are, it is never a good idea to use a suppository when you are tired. FML
直白型：如果你有便秘，那么千万不要在累的要睡着的时候往屁股里面塞栓剂，别问我怎么知道的，老子现在在洗裤子，全是屎，我操。 文雅型：如果你有便秘，千万不要在很累的时候用栓剂，不然我保证你会终身难忘。。。FML
Today, I was on my motorbike, riding through town, when a bird collided with my crash helmet. I lost my balance, and fell. As a result: a leg, a rib and a wrist of mine were broken. The EMT guy helpfully reassured me that the pigeon was A-OK. FML
今天，我骑着摩托车，穿过小镇，一只鸽子撞上了我的头盔上。老子一下就甩出去了。结果：一条腿，一根肋骨和一只手腕断了。EMT（紧急救护员）的哥们让我放心，说鸽子没有收到任何损伤。FML
Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML
今天，我知道最不健康的人，在大约350磅重的告诉我，她现在是一个素食主义者。然后我告诉她奶酪的界面，以及皮靴她穿的是不是素食主义者。她说我错了。我是一个营养师。FML
