I lost contact with Rene in any possible ways, except I know he should still stay in his place where he lived, but I am not sure if he decided to go back to US and start a new life and when will be his last day, and I was thinking sometimes maybe that is also good I don’t need to face the last day before his leaving, and he must have someone he really want to spend time with for his last day, that person won’t be me.
When I think of all those things, I feel so frustrated and grieve. I need to move on. A boring working day, I tried to find something new, somebody new to color my life. I searched, suddenly a young man living in Ningbo showed up in my eyes, I was shocked by seeing the character of Ningbo, it still bothered me and I still felt hurt even when seeing these two words. I wanted to run away, but seems can’t get out of it, I even feel a bit comfort just talked to a person who lives in Ningbo, that made me feel I seems still have the connection with Rene. From the new man’s picture he seemed to be a bit naughty, active and interesting man. He has a pretty face too. I started to chat with him.
“hi, Max, nice to meet you here.”
“hi, Pi, nice to meet you here too.”
“What do you like to do in your life?”
“I have many passions, like writing, I published two articles in local newspaper and working on two books too.” (On this social media app, rarely can chat with someone who is normal, most are liars who wants to steal money from Rich Chinese women, or just for sex, most people have no soul to me, this one seems different and got my interests at the very beginning. He can write? I can’t see it from his photos. )
“ Wow, sounds cool, what kind of article, what kind of books?”
“The articles are related to social life and social system management locally, the books are about my travel stories.”
“Travel stories”, sounds he travels a lot, reminded me of the man in that movie: The Bridge of Madison County.
“Social system”, sounds like he is very interested in politics, as most mature men I know.
Then I deduced.
“Cool. So you majored in politics?”
“Something like that, my major is international relations and politics.” The same major as Rene. What a coincidence to me. I felt closer to him just because he lives in Ningbo and he has the same major as Rene.
“ I guess so. Can I ask what do you do there?”
“ I am a teacher.”
“Are you a teacher in Nottingham University there? I know Nottingham University has branch college in your city.”
“ Yes it is, but I am a teacher in middle school.”
“Really? I think you are qualified to be a college teacher.”
“Thank you. I am thinking to further my study in Oxford or Cambridge, then to be a professor.”
“I wish you will.”
“What about you, Pi? “
“I work in Shanghai as HR, my job is very relaxed.” Seems I have nothing else to say, my life is just boring as I said. I have no passion for my job, no passion for most things except love. But I just lost it at that moment, so even don’t want to talk about it to a stranger I just know the first day.
Then maybe he was busy that day or maybe we just didn’t know how to continue the conversation any more, that is quite common situation for two strangers who have no interesting things to talk about after some main questions being asked and knew the answers.
Anyway, that doesn’t matter, he said he only wants friendship on that social media app, and I was not in mood to find a boyfriend something at that moment. I was just failed a very impressive romance experience at that time, felt very frustrated, tired and sad too. And he is handsome enough to chat with, and we don’t live in the same city, that is exactly what I want at that moment, just some handsome and clever man to chat. I had no high expectation for another romance at all. Fantastic! He won’t live in my real life.
The next day he didn’t talk to me. For some reason, I think my new friend is a clever person, and I like clever person always. So I started to chat with him first again.
“Good morning”
“Good morning.”
“How is your day?”
“ Fine, yours?”
“I am fine too.” After those nonsense greetings,I was thinking how to make him talk more.
But I started like this: “You seem to have nothing to talk to me.”
He was obviously annoyed by the way I asked. He said “I don’t think you have anything interesting to say.” What an arrogant man! The same style as that arrogant Rene. Normally if I met a person like that, will delete and block him directly. But the proud hate pride in others. And I felt so much connections from him to Rene. I wanted to keep in touch with him. Maybe that is just for my previous relationship, if that would be called a relationship.
“Can I ask what is your birthday?”
“Why? November 20th.” His birthday is just 3 days later than Rene, no doubt they are so similar to me.
“Scorpio.”
“Yes. Any problem with it?”
“ I am not sure yet. Scorpion men make me nervous now.”
I even can sense an air of complacency from his side when I said that.
He gave me a sinker icon back.
“Actually I published a book two years ago.”
“What is that about?”
“My work related, Human resource management.”
“Cool.”
“I also translated two books about adult learning too, but only part of it, and was published by top Chinese publishing company.”
He gave me a bad smile to response me.
“I also like drawing sometimes, in my room there are many paintings I drew by myself or I bought when I travelled around the world.”
“This one is the sunrise of Monet, Monet is the master of impressionism, the other one is Van Gogh’s harvest. I live with the most famous paintings’ pieces, kind of feeling their spirits influences me every day too.”
“Sounds a bit interesting.” Only a bit! Who does he think he is.
“I like that one very much too. The one about love, the human being’s image is built up by leaves, the women put her head on the man’s shoulder. It seems saying I will always be with you even when all leaves fall off.”
I took several photos of my paintings and sent them to him, finally he said “Very good!”
It has been so hard to get a good comment from him. In one way, maybe that is more like the feeling of conquering, I wanted to conquer him. Maybe more precisely speaking I want to get his attention or more respect.
But why, he was looking for friendship, I had no mood in looking for any romance. What is special of him?
I began to talk more about myself.
“ I have been to Ningbo a few months ago.”
“ Really? Ningbo is a good place. I love it.”
“Ningbo is fine to me, but I understand when a person lives in a place for a while, he must have some affection for it. I like Shanghai better. ”
“ I have been to Shanghai several times, but don’t like it.”
“Why?” It was the first time I heard a foreigner said like that, most foreigners told me they like Shanghai a lot, at least for a normal social situation like now, not a normal reaction when the other side just said she loves something. Most standard response should be “Shanghai is nice, I like Ningbo better.” People won’t show their real thoughts or opinions. But he was so real with his opinions, especially we are not familiar, he seems doesn’t care my feelings to say like that. Or he has no ability to feel other’s feeling about his words? I was patient to him because I wanted to figure out why scorpion men talked and acted this way.
“Shanghai is too huge to me, too many people, and this city is overestimated. I like smaller cities like Ningbo.”
“Ok, people can have different views about many things, I respect it. I have been living here for 20 years, and have many friends here, so it means a lot to me. I think people living in the city means more than cities themselves, I like here because of people here mostly. And also huge cities like shanghai, they have many concerts, art exhibitions, better education and medical resources and more chance to make a living and experienced different things.”
“Very true, last time there was a music festival there, maybe called strawberry music festival, a bit disappointed. ” Thanks god, he didn’t insist on fighting with me.
“You like music too?”
“Yes I have passions for many things. I like reading, writing, music, sports.”
“What kind of music?”
“All kinds of music, I am listening to classical music now.”
Before he continued, I was too excited to interrupt him, “Classical music?”He likes classical music like Rene. “Yes, no one won’t dislike classical music. Try to hear this.”
He sent the link of Chopin: Nocturne No.2 in E.
“I heard it before.”
“Listen to it again!” Like an order.
But I am kind of like that feeling of being given an order although most time I am a queen girl. Since I have been good students most of my studying period, I am quite confident about my intelligence and there have been many men I ever met were interested in me although I dislike most of them, but which makes me quite confident about my charms too. But this little boy dare order me to listen to it, and the strange thing is that I even like it. What is wrong with me!
Then I tried to communicate with him the feeling after listening to it.
“What do you feel?”
“Now?”
“About the song, are you listening to it?”
“Now listening to Claire de Lune.”
So annoyed he was, which means he asked me to listen not want to share his feelings about that song with me, just ordered me to listen.
“When did you become a classical music fan?”
“Always have been. Who isn’t?”
“This reminds me of a boy I liked a few months ago, he majors in international relations and politics too, and also likes classical music too, he plays classical guitar since 13, quite good at it, but he likes Bach best and recommended me to listen to Bach strongly.”
“Really! What happened?”
“Actually I travelled with him to Ningbo, your city, we went to the downtown area, went to a sea food restaurant with good reputation. But we went there mainly for a temple called Tiantong Temple, because he read a book about a Japanese monk who ever visited that temple, and that Japanese monk absorbed many knowledge in that temple, then back to Japan, and became a very famous and top level monk.”
“I heard of it, but have not been there. ”
“ Interesting. Then?”
“Then what?” My brain had brought me back to that day with that boy.
It was a very clear sunny day, we walked on that small bamboo road, nobody around, only can hear the birds singing, he suddenly surrounded my neck with one of his arms, I put my hand on his waist at the same time, we both looked up at the sky. After doing this for a while I said “I cant walk straightly when looked up at the sky. Dizzy! Drunk! ” He released me immediately and said “useless!” Then I stared at him with my mysterious smile on, he asked” what?” I said “nothing!” then he said “Silly!”.
Back to Max’s question “ Then he told me he was seeing a girl, a much younger girl before me, for several months, he introduced that girl to his mom, but not on purpose, just at that time his mom came, met that girl casually, nothing seriously. He doesn’t think he would marry her,that is why this trip he chose to be with me.”
“Typical rubbish men’s behaviors.”
“I also think we shouldn’t be together, he is too young to me, but I like him, and slept with him another 3 times.”
“You are stupid! He is using you, he uses all kind of ways to make you involved your emotions and to have sex with him.”
“Maybe, after that trip, he told me he slept with other girls too, he has 3 girlfriends, he doesn’t know which one to choose to get married. I really don’t know if he likes me or not, or he just wants fun? Why he cares about I slept with others if he doesn’t care about me. If he just looks for fun, why he always mentioned he wants to get married. I am so confused about boys at this age, since it has been long time I never dated a man 20s, I dated men normally 15 years older than me, they are 40s or 50s. I don’t understand him.”
“ That is probably true, this boy at his age 27, he did think about getting married and having a family, that is quite normal, but he also has many chance to date many girls, still love his life with girls around and enjoy sex with different girls.”
“I don’t know, before I am a very simple person, a relationship is also very clear and simple, I never met a person like this boy, he has so many girlfriends. I even kind of accepting it, maybe because I know we won’t be together, so don’t mind to share him with others, or maybe I just want sex, I don’t know. He almost made me pregnant, I was so scared and at the same time hoping to get pregnant since I never did.”
“Are you crazy? He is just a rubbish boy. He is a public bus, you have to be careful if you got any disease from him, that also means you slept with all women he ever slept.”
“That is impossible.”
“Nothing is impossible, I have a very good friend, she got HIV from her first sex with a rubbish man. A very sad story.”
“ You scared me. I never think like that. But I have no symptoms at all.”
“This kind of illness has incubation period, it may exist in your body for years then show the symtoms.”
I was really worried after his speech, I may die because of him. What the rubbish life I will have. My sorrow from Rene turned into worrying immediately. I was speechless for a moment.
He continued, “Dear Pi, You should, you must do a test.” Another order.
“He said he used condoms unless he knows this person well. ” I still tried to fight back, fighted for the man I still had feelings, fighted for the beautiful memory I ever had, for the good image about the world.
“He is just a liar, how can you trust him? You should know men will say anything to please girls just for opening their legs. All their aims are only one.”
“Why you think like that? Why it is so dark in your heart? ”He was not only trying to make my romantic dream into a miserable nightmare, but also was trying to destroy my belief about human being’s beauty. How can a man who ever said if I got pregnant he would marry me suddenly changed into a rubbish man described in his mouth.
He noticed I have quite a long time no response and said “Where is he? I am going to beat him.”
What a thing now! Do I hope that he will beat him? I didn’t know why I don’t hate Rene, I just felt very disappointed and sad, and I still hope to see him again. But why Max is so emotional about it. Was he showing he want to take revenge for me? Or maybe he is just a person who has the sense of justice, nothing about liking me.
“I don’t know where he is now, since I lost contacts with him for a few months now. I don’t think he is that bad as you thought.”
“You are idiot. I am just real to you, I guess before there is no men who ever told you true things. You really need to do the test.”
Then he deleted me from his contact, I can’t send him messages any more. But why?
He was just like Rene, often deleted me for no reason. I really don’t understand it, and I am such an indomitable and curious person, and always want to know why.
I sent him a requirement with words like those:
“What is wrong?”
“Can you add me back?”
“Can we talk?”
……
Finally he replied “Please do yourself a favor to be more clever to look after yourself. Don’t be manipulated by men. I care about you, but stop contacting me.”
He cared about me! He cared about me! I was so happy and touched by it. But why didn’t he want me to contact him any more?
But I got no any responses any more. Even now I remember that night I felt very sad, my tears just came out unstoppable, I felt I still have so many words I want to talk with him…...That was just the third day since we started to chat. I was very shocked what was going on, why I felt so sad. He is just a very proud guy who likes showing his knowledge, likes giving orders, likes to control you. Such a terrible person! Why I felt so sad!
I read through the dialogues we ever had for the past 3 days, felt all things from him is full of wisdom, I must be crazy now. 3 days chatting, a man I never met, we only wanted friendship, why so sad! I think the conclusion is that both my EQ&IQ had been down to Zero.
