13
现在她也在流血，身体里秘密的运动，先是发生在我的身上，然后像地震波一样触及到她，会改变她，现在已经开始改变她了，而我想，帕斯卡莱比我更早发现了这一点。可能不仅仅是他，还有其他男生也发现了这一点。我要去上高中这件事情，很快就失去了光环。好几天我一直都在想这件事情，想着莉拉可能会发生的变化，她会不会变得像皮诺奇娅、吉耀拉，或者卡梅拉一样很漂亮？她会不会像我一样变丑？我回到家里，看着镜中的自己，我真的那么丑吗？她到底会变成什么样子呢？
So now she was bleeding, too. The secret
movements of the body, which had reached me first, had arrived like the
tremor of an earthquake in her as well and would change her, she was already
changing. Pasquale—I thought—had realized it before me. He and probably other
boys. The fact that I was going to high school quickly lost its aura. For
days all I could think of was the unknowability of the changes that would hit
Lila. Would she become pretty like Pinuccia Carracci or Gigliola or Carmela?
Would she turn ugly like me? I went home and examined myself in the mirror.
What was I like, really? What would she, sooner or later, be like?
我开始打扮自己。一个星期天的下午，我从大路走向小公园，穿着通常过节时穿的衣服：一套天蓝色裙子，领子很大，是方口的，戴着我母亲的银镯子。遇到莉拉时，我感觉到一种很隐秘的喜悦，她就像往常一样，凌乱的黑发，身上穿着一件破旧、掉色的衣服。她和往常没有任何差别，还是那个神经质、消瘦的女孩。我觉得她长高了一些，她之前很矮小，现在几乎和我一样高了，可能只差一厘米。她的变化到底在哪里呢？我那时候胸已经很大了，已经长成成熟女人的样子。
I began to take more care with myself.
One Sunday afternoon, on the occasion of the usual walk from the stradone to
the gardens, I put on my best dress, which was blue, with a square neckline,
and also my mother’s silver bracelet. When I met Lila I felt a secret
pleasure in seeing her as she was every day, in a worn, faded dress, her
black hair untidy. There was nothing to differentiate her from the usual
Lila, a restless, skinny girl. Only she seemed taller, she had grown, from a
small girl, almost as tall as me, maybe half an inch less. But what was that
change? I had a large bosom, a womanly figure.
我们一直走到小公园里，再往回走，然后又走到公园。那时候时间还早，还没有通常星期天的嘈杂声，那些卖炒花生、核桃，还有扁豆的贩子还没来。莉拉小心翼翼地问了我关于高中的事情，我知道的很少，就夸大其词地告诉她我所知道的一切。我希望能激起她的好奇心，让她渴望了解我在外面的生活，让她也介入我的体验，让她也感觉到，她正在失去我的一部分，就像我担心失去她一样。我走在靠路的一边，她走在另一边。我说话时，她听得很认真。
We reached the gardens, we turned and
went back, then walked along the street again to the gardens. It was early,
there wasn’t yet the Sunday commotion, the sellers of roasted hazelnuts and
almonds and lupini. Lila was again asking me tentatively about the high
school. I told her what I knew, exaggerating as much as possible. I wanted
her to be curious, to want at least a little to share my adventure from the
outside, to feel she was losing something of me as I always feared losing
much of her. I was on the street side, she on the inside. I was talking, she
was listening attentively.
后来，索拉拉兄弟的“菲亚特1100”靠了过来，是米凯莱在开车，旁边坐着马尔切洛。马尔切洛开始对我们说风趣话，调笑我们。准确来说，不仅仅是对我说的，而是对我和莉拉说的。他用方言唱着这样的话：多漂亮的小姐啊！你们走来走去，不累吗？你们看！那不勒斯那么大，是这个世界上最美丽的城市，像你们一样美丽。你们上来吧！过半个小时，我们会把你们送回来。
The Solaras’ 1100 pulled up beside us,
Michele was driving, next to him was Marcello, who began to joke with us.
With both of us, not just me. He would sing softly, in dialect, phrases like:
what lovely young ladies, aren’t you tired of going back and forth, look how
big Naples is, the most beautiful city in the world, as beautiful as you, get
in, half an hour and we’ll bring you back here.
我本来不应该那么做的。我本来应该假装没看到他和米凯莱，没看到那辆汽车，我应该一直向前走，继续和莉拉说话，不理他。但我为了证实自己有魅力，而且很幸运，马上就要去那些阔人去的学校上学了，在那里我会遇到其他男生，他们会有更漂亮的汽车。我转过头，用意大利语说：
I shouldn’t have but I did. Instead of
going straight ahead as if neither he nor the car nor his brother existed;
instead of continuing to talk to Lila and ignoring them, I turned and, out of
a need to feel attractive and lucky and on the verge of going to the rich
people’s school, where I would likely find boys with cars much nicer than the
Solaras’, said, in Italian:
“谢谢，我们不能……”
“Thank you, but we can’t.”
就在这时候，马尔切洛伸出了一只手。尽管他个子很高，已经是一个发育成熟的男人，但我看到那只手很宽，手指很短，他的五根手指从车窗伸了出来，抓住了我的胳膊。他还说：
Marcello reached out a hand. I saw that it was broad and short, although he was a tall, well-made young man. The five fingers passed through the window and grabbed me by the wrist, while his voice said:
“米凯莱，你停一下车，你看门房的女儿戴了一只多漂亮的手镯啊！”
“Michè, slow down, you see that nice
bracelet the porter’s daughter is wearing?”
车子停了下来。马尔切洛捉住了我的手腕，拧着我的手臂，从我手上摘下了手镯。手镯掉在汽车和人行道之间的路上，断开了。
The car stopped. Marcello’s fingers
around my wrist made my skin turn cold, and I pulled my arm away in disgust.
The bracelet broke, falling between the sidewalk and the car.
“天啊！看看你做了什么？”我想到了母亲，就大叫起来。
“Oh, my God, look what you’ve made me
do,” I exclaimed, thinking of my mother.
“别着急。”他打开车门，从车上下来说，“现在我给你修好。”
“Calm down,” he said, and, opening the
door, got out of the car. “I’ll fix it for you.”
他很愉快，也很客气，他又想伸手拉我的胳膊，想表现得亲密一些，让我平静下来。就在这时候，莉拉忽然过来了——她的身高只有马尔切洛的一半——她把马尔切洛推到了汽车上，用一把裁皮子的刀顶住了他的喉咙。
He was smiling, friendly, he tried again
to take my wrist as if to establish a familiarity that would soothe me. It
was an instant. Lila, half the size of him, pushed him against the car and
whipped the shoemaker’s knife under his throat.
她不紧不慢地用方言说：
She said calmly, in dialect,
“你敢再碰她一下，我让你看看会发生什么。”
“Touch her again and I’ll show you what
happens.”
马尔切洛一动不动，目瞪口呆。米凯莱很快从汽车里出来了，他用肯定的语气说：“马尔切洛，她能拿你怎么样，这小婊子没那胆。”
Marcello, incredulous, froze. Michele
immediately got out of the car and said in a reassuring tone: “Don’t worry,
Marcè, this whore doesn’t have the guts.”
“来呀，”莉拉说，“你来呀，这样你就能看到我有没有胆。”
“Come here,” Lila said, “come here, and
you’ll find out if I have the guts.”
米凯莱在汽车周围转悠。这时候我哭了起来，从我那个角度可以很清楚地看到那把刀子已经弄破了马尔切洛的皮肤，有一条细小的伤口，流出了一丝血。在我的记忆里，这个情景非常清晰：当时天气还很热，路上行人很少，莉拉挨着马尔切洛站着，就好像他脸上有一只危险的虫子，她正在帮他赶开。
Michele came around the car, and I began to cry. From where I was I could see that the point of the knife had already cut Marcello’s skin, a scratch from which came a tiny thread of blood. The scene is clear in my mind: it was still very hot, there were few passersby, Lila was on Marcello as if she had seen a nasty insect on his face and wanted to chase it away.
我记得清清楚楚，当时她的态度非常明确：她会毫不犹豫地把马尔切洛的脖子割破。米凯莱也意识到了这一点。
In my mind there remains the absolute
certainty I had then: she wouldn’t have hesitated to cut his throat. Michele
also realized it.
“好吧。你很厉害。”他说，还是很平静，几乎有些风趣，他回到了汽车上，“上来吧！马尔切洛，向两位小姐道歉，我们走吧。”
“O.K., good for you,” he said, and with
the same composure, as if he were amused, he got back in the car. “Get in,
Marcè, apologize to the ladies, and let’s go.”
莉拉慢慢把马尔切洛脖子上的刀刃放了下来，他很羞怯地笑了一下，目光有些失措。
Lila slowly removed the point of the
blade from Marcello’s throat. He gave her a timid smile, his gaze was
disoriented.
“等一下。”他说。
“Just a minute,” he said.
在我面前，他跪在人行道上，就好像通过最大程度的谦卑来道歉。他在汽车下面摸索了一下，摸到了镯子。他仔细看了看，用指甲把上面的银环弄紧，把手镯修好了。他把镯子递给我，但眼睛看的是莉拉，他说：“对不起。”然后就钻进汽车走了。
He knelt on the sidewalk, in front of me,
as if he wanted to apologize by subjecting himself to the highest form of
humiliation. He felt around under the car, recovered the bracelet, examined
it, and repaired it by squeezing with his nails the silver link that had come
apart. He gave it to me, looking not at me but at Lila. It was to her that he
said, “Sorry.” Then he got in the car and they drove off.
我说：“我刚才哭，不是因为害怕，而是因为镯子。”
“I was crying because of the bracelet,
not because I was scared,” I said.
14
那年夏天，城区的界线在慢慢消解。有天早上，我父亲带我出去。我要去高中报名了，他想利用这个机会，让我搞清楚应该坐什么车，走哪条路，去我十月要上的新学校。
The boundaries of the neighborhood faded
in the course of that summer. One morning my father took me with him. Since I
was enrolling in high school, he wanted me to know what public transportation
I would have to take and what route when I went in October to the new school.
那是非常晴朗的一天，吹着风，天气极好。我觉得自己备受宠爱，对父亲的情感很快上升成一种崇拜。他非常熟悉这个巨大的城市，他知道在哪里坐地铁、电车和公车。在路上，他表现得很友好，那是一种很沉着的客气，他在家从来都不那样表现。在公车和办公室里，他和任何人都谈得来，他总能让人知道：他在市政府工作，他可以帮忙加快手续，打开一些门路。
It was a beautiful, very clear, windy
day. I felt loved, coddled, to my affection for him was added a crescendo of
admiration. He knew the enormous expanse of the city intimately, he knew
where to get the metro or a tram or a bus. Outside he behaved with a
sociability, a relaxed courtesy, that at home he almost never had. He was
friendly toward everyone, on the metro and the buses, in the offices, and he
always managed to let his interlocutor know that he worked for the city and
that, if he liked, he could speed up practical matters, open doors.
我们在一起度过了一天，那是我长那么大以来的第一次，我不记得之前曾经有过。他对我很关注，就好像在短短的几个小时里，他要传递给我他在生活中学到的所有有用的东西。他向我展示了加里波第广场，还有正在修建的火车站。他说那个火车站会修得非常先进，就连日本人也会赶过来，学习这个火车站的结构，回去也建造一座一模一样的，尤其是那些柱子很美。但他向我坦白说，他更喜欢之前的老火车站，因为比较有感情。那有什么办法呢，那不勒斯一直都是这样：分割，打碎又重建，钱就流动起来，创造劳动的机会。
We spent the entire day together, the
only one in our lives, I don’t remember any others. He dedicated himself to
me, as if he wanted to communicate in a few hours everything useful he had
learned in the course of his existence. He showed me Piazza Garibaldi and the
station that was being built: according to him it was so modern that the
Japanese were coming from Japan to study it—in particular the columns—and
build an identical one in their country. But he confessed that he liked the
old station better, he was more attached to it. Ah well. Naples, he said, had
always been like that: it’s cut down, it’s broken up, and then it’s rebuilt,
and the money flows and creates work.
他把我带到加里波第街上，一直走到我要去上学的地方。他和秘书处的人很亲切地交谈，他的语气总能讨人喜欢。在我们的城区和家里，他会把这种语气隐藏起来。他在一个校工面前炫耀我的成绩，在学校他还发现一个熟人，和他属于同一党派。我听见他不停地说“一切都好吧”或是“只能尽力而为了”。他带我去看卡罗三世广场，还有那些穷人住的地方，参观了植物园、弗罗拉街和博物馆。他把我带到君士坦丁堡街，然后带到阿尔巴港口、但丁广场、托莱多区。我满脑子都是名字，还有路上熙熙攘攘的汽车声和人声，丰富的颜色，还有周围节日的气氛。我很努力地想把自己所看到的一切都记下来，回去讲给莉拉听。我父亲很风趣地和一个做披萨的师傅聊天，他给我买了一块热乎乎的奶酪披萨，他从卖水果的摊子上给我买了一只黄灿灿的桃子。有没有可能只有我们的城区才充满了暴力，而城市的其他地方都是光芒四射，一派祥和？
He took me along Corso Garibaldi, to the
building that would be my school. He dealt in the office with extreme good
humor, he had the gift of congeniality, a gift that in the neighborhood and
at home he kept hidden. He boasted of my extraordinary report card to a
janitor whose wedding witness, he discovered on the spot, he knew well. I
heard him repeating often: everything in order? Or: everything that can be
done is being done. He showed me Piazza Carlo III, the Albergo dei Poveri,
the botanical garden, Via Foria, the museum. He took me on Via
Costantinopoli, to Port’Alba, to Piazza Dante, to Via Toledo. I was
overwhelmed by the names, the noise of the traffic, the voices, the colors,
the festive atmosphere, the effort of keeping everything in mind so that I
could talk about it later with Lila, the ease with which he chatted with the
pizza maker from whom he bought me a pizza melting with ricotta, the fruit
seller from whom he bought me a yellow peach. Was it possible that only our
neighborhood was filled with conflicts and violence, while the rest of the
city was radiant, benevolent?
他把我带到了他工作的市政大楼里。他说那里的一切都是新的，树都被砍掉了，老房子都被拆了：现在，你看看这里多宽敞，唯一古老的东西是安焦城堡，玲珑漂亮，那不勒斯总督安焦，那不勒斯两个真正的男人就是你爸爸和他。我们走向政府大楼，他一会儿跟这个打招呼，一会儿跟那个打招呼，他认识很多人。他跟有些人尤为熟悉，跟他们介绍我，无数次说我在学校意大利语得了九分，拉丁语也得了九分。他和其他人几乎不怎么说话，只是说：“好吧，是的，听从您的吩咐。”最后，他宣布要让我从近处看看维苏威火山和大海。
He took me to see the place where he
worked, in Piazza Municipio. There, too, he said, everything had changed, the
trees had been cut down, everything was broken up: now see all the space, the
only old thing left is the Maschio Angioino, but it’s beautiful, little one,
there are two real males in Naples, your father and that fellow there. We
went to the city hall, he greeted this person and that, everyone knew him.
With some he was friendly, and introduced me, repeating yet again that in
school I had gotten nine in Italian and nine in Latin; with others he was
almost mute, only, indeed, yes, you command and I obey. Finally he said that
he would show me Vesuvius from close up, and the sea.
那是非常难忘的时刻。我们一起走向海滨大路，风越来越大，阳光越来越强烈。维苏威火山的剪影就像一幅粉笔画，火山脚下堆积着城市常见的白色鹅卵石，能看见奥沃城堡土红色的剪影，还有大海。大海真的很壮观！海浪很大，涛声澎湃，风刮得让人喘不过气来，衣服紧紧贴在身上，刘海都被吹了起来。我们和一小群人站在路边，看着眼前的风景。海浪向蓝色的金属管子，向上空喷洒着蛋白一样的泡沫，粉碎成无数亮晶晶的碎末，一直甩到我们的脚下，激起了大家一阵惊异和害怕的惊叹。莉拉没在我身边，这真是遗憾。眼前这种宏大的景象、这种声音让我感觉到眩晕。我感觉，尽管我沉浸在眼前的风景里，记住了很多细节，但有很多东西在我眼前展开，匆匆溜走，让我无法捕捉。
It was an unforgettable moment. We went
toward Via Caracciolo, as the wind grew stronger, the sun brighter. Vesuvius
was a delicate pastelcolored slice of the Castel dell’Ovo, and the sea. But
what a sea. It was very rough, and loud; the wind took your breath away,
pasted your clothes to your body and blew the hair off your forehead. We
stayed on the other side of the street in a small crowd, watching the
spectacle. The waves rolled in like blue metal tubes carrying an egg white of
foam on their peaks, then broke in a thousand glittering splinters and came
up to the street with an oh of wonder and fear from those watching. What a
pity that Lila wasn’t there. I felt dazed by the powerful gusts, by the
noise. I had the impression that, although I was absorbing much of that
sight, many things, too many, were scattering around me without letting me
grasp them.
父亲紧紧抓住我的手，好像害怕我溜走一样。实际上，我的确想松开他的手，奔跑起来，穿过大路，奔向波光粼粼的大海。
My father held tight to my hand as if he were afraid that I would slip away. In fact I had the wish to leave him, run, move, cross the street, be struck by the brilliant scales of the sea.
在这个让人震惊的时刻，四处充满了阳光和大海的喧哗，我假装一个人在一座陌生的城市，就像一个全新的我在面对自己的新生。一种全新的生活，从死气沉沉的事物中突然展现出来，我一定能把握住这种新生。我和莉拉，我们俩在一起战无不胜——我们只有在一起，才能捕捉到那些颜色和声音，还有那些人和事。我们可以讲述故事，赋予那些故事力量。
At that tremendous moment, full of light
and sound, I pretended I was alone in the newness of the city, new myself
with all life ahead, exposed to the mutable fury of things but surely
triumphant: I, I and Lila, we two with that capacity that together—only
together—we had to seize the mass of colors, sounds, things, and people, and
express it and give it power.
我回到我们的城区，就好像从很远的地方回来。我又回到了熟悉的街道上，看到了斯特凡诺家的肉食店，还有他妹妹皮诺奇娅；我看到恩佐在卖水果；看到索拉拉兄弟的“菲亚特1100”停在酒吧门口，我真愿意付出一切代价，让索拉拉兄弟从人间消失。万幸的是，我母亲并不知道手镯的事情，幸运的是，也没人告诉里诺那天发生的事情。
I returned to the neighborhood as if I
had gone to a distant land. Here again the known streets, here again the
grocery of Stefano and his sister Pinuccia, Enzo who sold fruit, the Solaras’
1100 parked in front of the bar—now I would have paid any amount for it to be
eliminated from the face of the earth. Luckily my mother had never found out
about the episode of the bracelet. Luckily no one had reported to Rino what
had happened.
我跟莉拉讲述我看到的街道、那些街道的名字、汽车的嘈杂，还有那些神奇的光。但我很快觉得不自在，假如她是我，是她在讲述一天的经历，尽管我没和她一起度过，但我会情不自禁地惊叹起来。我会问问题，会非常活跃地和她交流，提出疑问。我会试着提出，我想和她一起走同样的路线，假如有机会的话，我会让这趟旅行更加精彩，我会成为一个比她父亲更好的旅伴。但她却漫不经心，我当时想，她一定是故意的，是想浇灭我的热情。她想让我相信，事情并不是我说的那样。她只是在想着自己的心事，一个很具体的东西：一本书，或者是一个小喷泉。她的耳朵确实在听我说话，但她的眼睛和脑子很密切地关注着街道，小公园里稀少的几棵树；吉耀拉、阿方索、卡梅拉在散步；帕斯卡莱从工地的脚手架上向我们打招呼；梅丽娜在大声地谈论多纳托·萨拉托雷，艾达想把她拉回家里；堂·阿奇勒的儿子斯特凡诺刚刚买了一辆“加尔帝内塔”，他母亲坐在副驾驶的位子上，他妹妹皮诺奇娅坐在后面；马尔切洛和米凯莱开着他们的“菲亚特1100”经过，米凯莱假装没看到我们，但是马尔切洛还是投来了友好的目光；可能最主要的，莉拉在想着她背着父亲做的秘密工作，她想着怎么把鞋子的计划向前推进。我讲的故事，对她来说是一些无用空间的无用信号。那些地方，假如她有机会去的话，她才会考虑。实际上，在听完我的讲述之后，她只是说：“我要告诉里诺，我们要接受帕斯卡莱·佩卢索星期天的邀请。”
I told Lila about the streets, their
names, the noise, the extraordinary light. But immediately I felt
uncomfortable. If she had been telling the story of that day, I would have
joined in with an indispensable counter-melody and, even if I hadn’t been present,
I would have felt alive and active, I would have asked questions, raised
issues, I would have tried to show her that we had to take that same journey
together, necessarily, because I would be enriched by it, I would have been a
much better companion than her father. She instead listened to me without
curiosity, and at first I thought it was malicious, to diminish the force of
my enthusiasm. But I had to persuade myself it wasn’t so, she simply had her
own train of thought that was fed on concrete things, a book, a fountain.
With her ears certainly she listened to me, but with her eyes, with her mind,
she was solidly anchored to the street, to the few plants in the gardens, to
Gigliola, who was walking with Alfonso and Carmela, to Pasquale, who waved at
her from the scaffolding of the building site, to Melina, who spoke out loud
of Donato Sarratore while Ada tried to drag her into the house, to Stefano,
the son of Don Achille, who had just bought a Giardinetta, and had his mother
beside him and in the backseat his sister Pinuccia, to Marcello and Michele
Solara, who passed in their 1100, with Michele pretending not to see us while
Marcello gave us a friendly glance, and, above all, to the secret work, kept
hidden from her father, that she applied herself to, advancing the project of
the shoes. My story, for her, was at that moment only a collection of useless
signals from useless spaces. She would be concerned with those spaces only if
she had the opportunity to go there. And in fact, after all my talk, she said
only:
事情就是这样，我给她讲述那不勒斯市中心的事情，她把吉耀拉家当成了我们谈话的主题，那是我们这个城区的一栋房子，帕斯卡莱想带我们去那里跳舞。我觉得很遗憾，因为每次佩卢索邀请我们时，我和莉拉都说去，但后来从来都没去过。我不去，是为了避免和父母之间产生不必要的争吵，莉拉不去是因为里诺反对。但我们有时候会很留心帕斯卡莱，在举行舞会的时候，他穿得整整齐齐，等着他大大小小的朋友。他是一个很慷慨的小伙子，不分年龄，他都一视同仁，愿意接待所有人。通常他会在加油站那里等着，这时候他的朋友三三两两地走过来：恩佐、吉耀拉和卡梅拉——现在她让大家叫她“卡门”。里诺没事也会去。安东尼奥要照顾梅丽娜，在梅丽娜比较平静时，他也会出现，还有他妹妹艾达——索拉拉兄弟会把她拉到汽车里，不知道在哪里鬼混一个小时，她有时候也去。天气好的时候，他们这帮朋友会去海边，回来时脸上晒得发红。大部分时候，他们会去吉耀拉家聚会，吉耀拉的父母要比我们的父母开明，在他们家里，谁会跳舞就跳舞，不会跳舞的可以学。
“I have to tell Rino that Sunday we
should accept Pasquale Peluso’s invitation.”
莉拉开始拉着我参加这些家庭聚会，不知道为什么，她好像忽然对跳舞发生了兴趣。而且我还惊异地发现，帕斯卡莱和里诺都是很棒的舞伴，我们跟他们学会了探戈、华尔兹、波尔卡，还有马祖卡舞。说起来，作为舞蹈老师，里诺很容易失去耐性，尤其是对他妹妹，而帕斯卡莱非常有耐心，开始他让我站在他脚上跳，这样我就能学会步子。当我们学会一点了，我们就在家里旋来旋去。
There I was, telling her about the center
of Naples, and she placed at the center Gigliola’s house, in one of the
apartment buildings of the neighborhood, where Pasquale wanted to take her
dancing. I was sorry. To Peluso’s invitations we had always said yes and yet
we had never gone, I to avoid arguments with my parents, she because Rino was
against it. We often saw him, on holidays, all cleaned up, waiting for his
friends, old and young. He was a generous soul, he didn’t make distinctions
of age, he brought along anyone. He would wait in front of the gas station
and, one or two at a time, Enzo and Gigliola, and Carmela who now called
herself Carmen, and sometimes Rino himself if he had nothing else to do, and
Antonio, who had the weight of his mother, Melina, and, if Melina was calm,
also his sister Ada, whom the Solaras had dragged into their car and driven
who knows where for an hour. When the day was fine they went to the sea,
returning red-faced from the sun. Or, more often, they all met at Gigliola’s,
whose parents were more tolerant than ours, and there those who knew how to
dance danced and those who didn’t learned.
我发现我们都喜欢跳舞，我愿意一直跳下去。莉拉还是一副探究到底的表情，好像她的乐趣来自于学习的过程。说真的，她一般都坐在那里看着，研究我们的舞步，给那些跳得最优美的人鼓掌。
Lila began to go to these little parties,
and to take me; she had developed, I don’t know how, an interest in dancing.
Both Pasquale and Rino turned out to be surprisingly good dancers, and we
learned from them the tango, the waltz, the polka, and the mazurka. Rino, it
should be said, as a teacher got annoyed immediately, especially with his
sister, while Pasquale was very patient. At first he would have us dance
standing on his feet, so that we learned the steps, then, when we became more
skilled, we went whirling through the house.
有一次我去她家里，她给我看一本她从图书馆里借来的书，上面详细描述了跳舞动作，还有图示——男士和女士在一起旋转的黑白绘图。那段时间她心情非常好，对于她来说，那是一个生活丰富多彩的时期。有时候，她会突如其来地抱住我的腰，让我和她一起跳探戈，用嘴哼着调子。里诺有时候探进头来，看到我们会笑起来，他也想跳舞，先是和我跳，然后和他妹妹跳，尽管我们没有音乐。我们跳舞时，里诺对我说，莉拉现在狂热地追求完美，总是强迫他一起练习，尽管他们没有留声机——莉拉一听到这个词，就会开始喊：“留声机！留声机！留声机！”她在房间的角落里，眯着眼睛说：
I discovered that I liked to dance, I
would have danced forever. Lila instead wore the expression of someone who
wants to understand how it’s done, and whose pleasure seems to consist
entirely in learning, since often she stayed seated, watching us, studying
us, and applauding the couples who were most in synch. Once, at her house,
she showed me a book that she had taken from the library: it was all about
the dances, and every movement was explained with blackwhite drawings of a
man and woman dancing. She was very cheerful in that period, with an
exuberance surprising in her. Abruptly she grabbed me around the waist and,
playing the man, made me dance the tango as she sang the music. Rino looked
in and saw us, and burst into laughter. He wanted to dance, too, first with
me, then with his sister, though without music. While we danced he told me
that Lila had such a mania for perfection that she was obliged to practice
continuously, even if they didn’t have a gramophone. But as soon as he said
the word—gramophone, gramophone, gramophone—Lila shouted at me from a corner
of the room, narrowing her eyes.
“你知道这个词是从哪儿来的吗？”
“You know what kind of word it is?”
“我不知道。”
“No.”
“是希腊语。”
“Greek.”
我用疑惑的眼神看着她。这时候里诺放开了我，开始和他妹妹一起跳，她轻声欢呼了一下，把一本跳舞的书塞到我手上，开始和里诺在房间里翩翩起舞。我把那本舞蹈书放在一堆书上面。她刚才说什么了？“留声机”是意大利语呀，不是希腊语吧。这时候，我看到了一本《战争与和平》，上面有费拉罗老师的图书馆标签，从书堆里冒出另一本非常破旧的书，书名是《希腊语语法》。语法，希腊语语法。我听见她气喘吁吁地对我说：
I looked at her uncertainly. Rino
meanwhile let me go and went to dance with his sister, who gave a soft cry,
handed me the dance manual, and flew around the room with him. I placed the
manual among her books. What had she said? Gramophone was Italian, not Greek.
But meanwhile I saw that under War and Peace, and bearing the label of
Maestro Ferraro’s library, a tattered volume was sticking out, entitled Greek
Grammar. Grammar. Greek. I heard her promising me, out of breath:
“待会儿，我用希腊字母给你写‘留声机’。”
“Afterward I’ll write gramophone for you
in Greek letters.”
我说自己有事，就离开了。
I said I had things to do and left.
15
我还没开始上高中，她就已经开始学希腊语了吗？她一个人学，我想都没想过这个问题，那时候还是夏天，大家都在度假。她是不是一直在做一些我应该做的事情，而且做得比我更早、更好吗？我一跟上来，她就会逃开，她总能踩着我，超过我？
She had begun to study Greek even before
I went to high school? She had done it on her own, while I hadn’t even
thought about it, and during the summer, the vacation? Would she always do
the things I was supposed to do, before and better than me? She eluded me
when I followed her and meanwhile stayed close on my heels in order to pass
me by?
有一段时间我试着没和她见面，我有些生气。我去图书馆想借一本希腊语语法，但那里只有一本，被赛鲁罗全家轮番借走了。也许，我应该从脑海里抹去莉拉的名字，就像从黑板上擦去一张图画。我想，这可能是我第一次有这种感觉，我觉得很脆弱，任何东西都会伤害我。我用所有时间去跟随她，到头来却发现是她在跟随我。无论是我跟着她，还是她跟着我，我都觉得自己比不上她，但离开她我又做不到，之后，我会回过头来找她。我让她教我跳舞；我让她给我展示用希腊字母写意大利语单词。我想在开学之前也学会希腊字母，我强迫自己读写那些字母。我脸上的痘痘更多了，我去吉耀拉家里跳舞，一直都感觉到自卑和羞怯。
I tried not to see her for a while, I was
angry. I went to the library to get a Greek grammar, but there was only one,
and the whole Cerullo family had borrowed it in turn. Maybe I should erase
Lila from myself like a drawing from the blackboard, I thought, for, I think,
the first time. I felt fragile, exposed, I couldn’t spend my time following
her or discovering that she was following me, either way feeling diminished.
I immediately went to find her. I let her teach me how to do the quadrille. I
let her show me how many Italian words she could write in the Greek alphabet.
She wanted me to learn the alphabet before I went to school, and she forced
me to write and read it. I got even more pimples. I went to the dances at
Gigliola’s with a permanent sense of inadequacy and shame.
我希望那种感觉能消退，但自卑和羞怯越来越强烈了。有一次，莉拉和她哥哥跳了一支华尔兹，他们跳得那么好，其他人都把地方腾出来让他们跳，我完全被迷住了。他们很漂亮，很和谐。我看着他们就马上明白了：在很短时间内，莉拉身上那种小老太太的气息会消散，她就像一首和谐的曲子，让人的情绪完全投入到里面，她的身材变得错落有致，她的额头很高，眼睛很大，有时候会眯起来，鼻子很小巧，颧骨、嘴唇和耳朵正在寻求一种新的和谐，已经差不多达到一种完美。她梳着马尾辫，露出一段光洁的脖子，让人心动。她的胸很小巧，但越来越明显，她的背曲度很明显，凸显了臀部，她的脚踝还很瘦，是小女孩的脚踝，但长成一个楚楚动人的姑娘还能要多长时间呢？我发现，在莉拉和里诺跳舞时，那些小伙子都在盯着她看，他们内心一定想的比我更多——尤其是帕斯卡莱、安东尼奥，还有恩佐，他们死死地盯着莉拉，好像其他女生都消失了。尽管我的胸更丰满；尽管吉耀拉是一个很扎眼的金发姑娘，线条很标致，双腿很完美；卡梅拉的眼睛也很美，尤其是走路时，风情万种；但没办法，莉拉摇曳的身姿里散发出一种东西，在场的男生都能感觉到，那种能量让他们昏聩，就像是一种美逼近的声音。只有在音乐停下来时，他们才恢复了神志，他们都带着迷惘的微笑，夸张地鼓起掌来。
I hoped that it would pass, but
inadequacy and shame intensified. Once Lila danced a waltz with her brother.
They danced so well together that we left them the whole space. I was
spellbound. They were beautiful, they were perfect together. As I watched, I
understood conclusively that soon she would lose completely her air of a
childknown musical theme is lost when it’s adapted too fancifully. She had
become shapely. Her high forehead, her large eyes that could suddenly narrow,
her small nose, her cheekbones, her lips, her ears were looking for a new
orchestration and seemed close to finding it. When she combed her hair in a
ponytail, her long neck was revealed with a touching clarity. Her chest had
small graceful breasts that were more and more visible. Her back made a deep
curve before landing at the increasingly taut arc of her behind. Her ankles
were still too thin, the ankles of a child; but how long before they adapted
to her now feminine figure? I realized that the males, watching as she danced
with Rino, were seeing more than I was. Pasquale above all, but also Antonio,
also Enzo. They kept their eyes on her as if we others had disappeared. And
yet I had bigger breasts. And yet Gigliola was a dazzling blonde, with
regular features and nice legs. And yet Carmela had beautiful eyes and,
especially, provocative movements. But there was nothing to be done:
something had begun to emanate from Lila’s mobile body that the males sensed,
an energy that dazed them, like the swelling sound of beauty arriving. The
music had to stop before they returned to themselves, with uncertain smiles
and extravagant applause.
16
莉拉很坏——我内心深处一直是这么想，那时候我也是这么想的。她向我展示出：她不仅仅可以用语言伤人，还会毫不犹豫地割破一个人的喉咙，在今天看来，她的那种魄力也不容忽视。我感觉她身上还散发着一种野性，可以说是一种邪恶的气息，邪恶——这是我从小时候看的童话书里找到的一个夸张的词汇。我天真地产生了这些想法，那也是有一定根据的。实际上，莉拉身上散发出的气息不仅诱人，而且很危险，渐渐地，这种气息不仅仅我能感受到——从我们还上小学一年级时，我就一直感受到这种气息，现在所有人都感受到了。
Lila was malicious: this, in some secret
place in myself, I still thought. She had shown me not only that she knew how
to wound with words but that she would kill without hesitation, and yet those
capacities now seemed to me of little importance. I said to myself: she will
release something more vicious, and I resorted to the word “evil”, an
exaggerated word that came to me from childhood tales. But if it was a
childish self that unleashed these thoughts in me, they had a foundation of
truth. And in fact, it slowly became clear not only to me, who had been
observing her since elementary school, but to everyone, that an essence not
only seductive but dangerous emanated from Lila.
夏天结束时，莉拉开始给里诺施压，让他带我们一帮朋友离开城区，去外面吃披萨，或者散步。莉拉让哥哥带她出去，但里诺想要自己的空间。我觉得他也发生了变化，莉拉点燃了他的想象和希望，但我看到他的样子、听他说话，感觉不能说那是好的变化。他变得爱吹牛，从来都不会错过任何一个吹嘘自己的机会，他说他做鞋子非常厉害，说他将来会发财。他喜欢重复这样一个句子：“要不了太久，只要一点运气，我就能在索拉拉兄弟脸上撒尿。”他的这些炫耀和吹嘘，都是在妹妹不在场时说的。莉拉在场时，他会有些不知所措，会说几句发家致富的话，就马上改变话题。他能意识到莉拉在瞪他，就好像他的行为违背了他们之间的一个秘密约定。所以埋头工作一整天之后，里诺不喜欢妹妹出现在他身边。他摆脱掉莉拉，像孔雀开屏一样，在他的朋友面前尽情炫耀，但有时候他也会做出让步。
Toward the end of the summer there was
increasing pressure on Rino to take his sister on the group excursions
outside the neighborhood for a pizza, for a walk. Rino, however, wanted his
own space. He, too, seemed to me to be changing, Lila had kindled his
imagination and his hopes. But, to see him, to hear him—the effect hadn’t
been the best. He had become more of a braggart, he never missed a chance to
allude to how good he was at his work and how rich he was going to be, and he
often repeated a remark he was fond of: It won’t take much, just a little
luck, and I’ll piss in the Solaras’ face. When he was boasting like this,
however, it was crucial that his sister not be present. In her presence he
was confused, he made a few allusions, then let it go. He realized that Lila
was giving him a distrustful look, as if he were betraying a secret pact of
behavior, of detachment, and so he preferred not to have her around; they
were working together all day anyway in the shoemaker’s shop. He escaped and
swaggered like a peacock with his friends. But sometimes he had to give in.
一个星期天，在和父母抗争了很多次之后，我们出去了（在我父母面前，里诺很慷慨地承担了照顾我的责任）。即使已是晚上，我们还是出去了，我们看到整个城市被霓虹灯照亮，街上全是人，因为天气很炎热，我们闻到烂鱼发出的臭气，但同时也闻到了餐馆、炸鱼店、酒吧和甜食店发出的诱人香气。我们看到那些酒吧和甜食店，店里的甜品要比索拉拉他们家店里的品种更多、更丰富。我不记得，莉拉之前有没有机会和她哥哥或者其他人去城里，假如有的话，那她也没有告诉过我。我记得当时她非常沉默，一句话也不说。我们经过加里波第广场，她走在后面，流连地看着一把刷鞋的刷子、涂脂抹粉的女人、闷闷不乐的男人，或者一个小孩。她看人的时候非常专注，只盯着他们的脸，有的人只是一笑了之，但有的人做一个手势，意思是：你想干嘛？我时不时地拉她一把，我拉着她，紧跟着里诺、帕斯卡莱、安东尼奥、卡梅拉和艾达。
One Sunday, after many discussions with
our parents, we went out (Rino had generously come to my house and, before my
parents, assumed responsibility for my person), in the evening no less. We
saw the city lighted up by signs, the crowded streets, we smelled the stench
of fish gone bad in the heat but also the fragrance of restaurants, of the
fried food stalls, of bar-pastry shops much more lavish than the Solaras’. I
don’t remember if Lila had already had a chance to go to the center, with her
brother or others. Certainly if she had she hadn’t told me about it. I
remember instead that that night she was absolutely mute. We crossed Piazza
Garibaldi, but she stayed behind, lingering to watch a shoeshine, a large
painted woman, the dark men, the boys. She stared at people attentively, she
looked them right in the face, so that some laughed and others made a gesture
meaning “What do you want?” Every so often I gave her a tug, dragging her
with me out of fear that we would lose Rino, Pasquale, Antonio, Carmela, Ada.
那天晚上，我们到了雷蒂费洛区的披萨店，兴高采烈地吃着披萨。我感觉到安东尼奥有些想追我，他战胜了自己的羞怯。我很高兴，因为帕斯卡莱非常关注莉拉，这样我们就平衡了。假如不是因为后来那个披萨师傅的话，那天晚上会过得很愉快。那是一个三十多岁的男人，他把披萨面团抛向空中，旋转起来。他有些过于殷切地对莉拉笑，莉拉也高兴地欣赏着他的表演。
That night we went to a pizzeria on the
Rettifilo. We ate happily. To me it seemed that Antonio wooed me a little,
making an effort to overcome his timidity, and I was pleased because at least
Pasquale’s attentions to Lila were counterbalanced. But at some point the
pizza maker, a man in his thirties, began to spin the dough in the air, while
he was working it, with extreme virtuosity, and he exchanged smiles with
Lila, who looked at him in admiration.
“你不要这样。”里诺对她说。
“Stop it,” Rino said to her.
“我什么都没干啊！”她回答说，眼睛看着别处。
“I’m not doing anything,” she said and
tried to look in another direction.
但事态的发展很糟糕。帕斯卡莱笑着说：“那个男人，那个做披萨的，对于你们这些小姑娘来说，简直就是个老头儿。他手上带着结婚戒指，而且一定有孩子。他悄悄给了莉拉一个飞吻，轻轻吹了一下手指。”
But things got worse. Pasquale, smiling, said that the man, the pizza maker—who to us girls seemed old, he was wearing a wedding ring, was surely the father of children—had secretly blown a kiss to Lila on the tips of his fingers.
我们马上转过身去看他，他还是在干他的活儿，帕斯卡莱这时候依然笑着问莉拉：
We turned suddenly to look at him: he was doing his job, that was all. But Pasquale, still smiling, asked Lila,
“我说得没错吧？”
“Is it true or am I wrong?”
莉拉神经质地笑了一声，和帕斯卡莱开朗的笑声很不同，她回答说：
Lila, with a nervous laugh in contrast to Pasquale’s broad smile, said,
“我什么也没看到。”
“I didn’t see anything.”
“别说了，帕斯卡。”里诺瞪了一眼妹妹说。
“Forget it, Pascà,” said Rino, giving his
sister a cutting look.
但这时候帕斯卡莱站了起来，他走到了烤披萨的炉子那里，转了一圈，嘴唇上挂着一个苍白的微笑，他打了那个披萨师傅一个耳光，把他打得趴在烤披萨的炉子口上。
But Peluso got up, went to the counter in
front of the oven, walked around it, and, a candid smile on his lips, slapped
the pizza maker in the face, so that he fell against the mouth of the oven.
披萨店老板马上跑了过来，他是一个六十多岁的老头，个子很小，脸色苍白。帕斯卡莱很平静地对他说，不用担心，他只是向他的员工说明了一个问题，现在应该没什么问题了。我们默默地吃完了披萨，眼角垂着，吃得很慢，好像披萨有毒一样。当我们出去的时候，里诺数落了莉拉一顿，最后用一句威胁的话结束了他的指责：“下次你再这样的话，我就不带你出来了。”
The owner of the place, a small, pale man
in his sixties, hurried over, and Pasquale explained to him calmly not to
worry, he had just made clear to his employee a thing that wasn’t clear to
him, there would be no more problems. We ended up eating the pizza in
silence, eyes lowered, in slow bites, as if it were poisoned. And when we
left Rino gave Lila a good lecture that ended with a threat: Go on like that
and I’m not taking you anywhere.
发生了什么？在路上，我们遇到的所有男人都在看我们：帅的、顺眼的、丑的——不仅仅是那些小伙子，成年男人也都在看。在我们的城区里是这样，出去也一样，艾达、卡梅拉，还有我——尤其是在遭遇了索拉拉兄弟之后，我们都学会了低眉顺眼地走路，假装没有听到那些男人说的猥亵话，一直向前走。
What had happened? On the street the men looked at all of us, pretty, less pretty, ugly, and not so much the youths as the grown men. It was like that in the neighborhood and outside of it, and Ada, Carmela, I myself—especially after the incident with the Solaras—had learned instinctively to lower our eyes, pretend not to hear the obscenities they directed at us, and keep going.
但莉拉却不是那样，星期天和她一起出去，我们都捏着一把汗。假如有人看她的话，她也会看对方。如果有人对她说些什么，她会有些不安地停下来，好像不相信他们是在对她说话，有时候出于好奇，她会接茬。还有一件事非常不平常，就是那些难听话从来都不会针对她，而只会针对我们。
Lila no. To go out with her on Sunday
became a permanent point of tension. If someone looked at her she returned
the look. If someone said something to her, she stopped, bewildered, as if
she couldn’t believe he was talking to her, and sometimes she responded,
curious. Especially since—something very unusual—men almost never addressed
to her the obscenities that they almost always had for us.
八月底的一个下午，我们一直走到了市政府。我们在一家酒吧里坐下，因为那段时间帕斯卡莱表现得像个阔佬一样，他请我们吃千层冰激凌。坐在我们对面的是一家人，和我们一样，他们也在吃冰激凌：父亲、母亲，还有三个儿子——七岁到十二岁之间，看起来是一个好人家。父亲是一个很高大健壮的男人，应该有五十岁左右，看起来像个老师。我可以保证，莉拉没有任何引人注目的装扮，她没有抹口红，身上还是穿着她母亲缝制的破衣服，我们其他女孩要比她光鲜得多，尤其是卡梅拉。但那位先生——这次我们所有人都察觉了——他没办法把目光从莉拉身上移开。尽管莉拉一直在控制自己，她回应那种目光的方式就好像是她自己不配那么被欣赏。最后我们这一桌的气氛越来越紧张，里诺、帕斯卡莱和安东尼奥都要爆发了，很明显，那个男人并没有意识到自己所冒的风险，他站了起来，走到了莉拉的面前，对着几个小伙子很有礼貌地说：
One afternoon at the end of August we
went as far as the Villa Comunale park, and sat down in a café there, because
Pasquale, acting the grandee, wanted to buy everyone a spumone. At a table
across from us was a family eating ice cream, like us: father, mother, and
three boys between twelve and seven. They seemed respectable people: the
father, a large man, in his fifties, had a professorial look. And I can swear
that Lila wasn’t showing off in any way: she wasn’t wearing lipstick, she had
on the usual shabby dress that her mother had made—the rest of us were
showing off more, Carmela especially. But that man—this time we all realized
it—couldn’t take his eyes off her, and Lila, although she tried to control
herself, responded to his gaze as if she couldn’t get over being so admired.
Finally, while at our table the discomfort of Rino, of Pasquale, of Antonio
increased, the man, evidently unaware of the risk he ran, rose, stood in
front of Lila, and, addressing the boys politely, said:
“你们真是幸运，这位姑娘会比波提切利笔下的维纳斯还要漂亮。对不起，我对我妻子还有孩子都说了自己的看法，我感觉也有必要告诉你们。”
“You are fortunate: you have here a girl
who will become more beautiful than a Botticelli Venus. I beg your pardon,
but I said it to my wife and sons, and I felt the need to tell you as well.”
面对这样紧张的气氛，莉拉笑了起来，那位先生也微笑了，给她很得体地鞠了一个躬。他正要回到自己的座位上，这时候里诺一下子捉住了他的领子，一把把他推到了自己的座位上，摁着他坐了下来，当着他妻子和几个儿子的面，骂了一连串我们城区的脏话。这个男人火了，他的妻子叫喊着夹到了中间，安东尼奥拉开了里诺。又一个星期天就这样毁了。
Lila burst out laughing because of the
strain. The man smiled in turn, and, with a small bow, was about to return to
his table when Rino grabbed him by the collar, forced him to retrace his
steps quickly, sat him down hard, and, in front of his wife and children,
unloaded a series of insults of the sort we said in the neighborhood. Then
the man got angry, the wife, yelling, intervened, Antonio pulled Rino away.
Another Sunday ruined.
但最糟糕的那次，里诺没有在场。让我震撼的不是那件事情本身，而是不同出身的人围绕着莉拉形成的那种紧张气氛。吉耀拉的母亲（她的名字叫罗莎，如果我没记错的话），过生日的时候在家里举行了一场聚会。因为她丈夫是索拉拉点心房的糕点师傅，所以他们准备了很多美味的点心，食品很丰盛：脆皮奶油卷、甜奶油巧克力蛋糕、千层饼、杏仁饼、酒水，还有给小孩的饮料，跳舞的音乐也很丰富，有最普通的舞曲，也有最流行的。会有一些重要人物来参加那次聚会，都是我们之前的家庭舞会上从来没有见过的人：比如说药剂师，还有他的妻子和大儿子吉诺——吉诺和我一样，也快要去上高中了；比如费拉罗老师和他的一大家子人都来了；堂·阿奇勒的寡妇玛利亚和她的儿子阿方索，她的衣着艳丽的女儿皮诺奇娅，还有她大儿子斯特凡诺也会来。
But the worst was a time when Rino wasn’t
there. What struck me was not the fact in itself but the consolidation around
Lila of hostilities from different places. Gigliola’s mother gave a party for
her name day (her name was Rosa, if I remember right), and invited people of
all ages. Since her husband was the baker at the Solara pastry shop, things
were done on a grand scale: there was an abundance of cream puffs, pastries
with cassata filling, sfogliatelle, almond pastries, liqueurs, soft drinks,
and dance records, from the most ordinary to the latest fashion. People came
who would never come to our kids’ parties. For example the pharmacist and his
wife and their oldest son, Gino, who was going to high school, like me. For
example Maestro Ferraro and his whole large family. For example Maria, the
widow of Don Achille, and her son Alfonso and daughter Pinuccia, in a
bright-colored dress, and even Stefano.
堂·阿奇勒一家人的到来造成了一种紧张的气氛，因为当时帕斯卡莱和卡梅拉也参加了聚会，那是杀死堂·阿奇勒的凶手的孩子，但后来气氛得到了缓和。堂·阿奇勒的儿子阿方索是一个和蔼、客气的年轻人（他也要去上高中了，和我同一所学校），他和卡梅拉聊了几句；皮诺奇娅尤其高兴参加这次聚会，因为她每天都在肉食店里忙碌；斯特凡诺很早就明白：和气生财，他认为这个城区里的所有居民都是他的潜在客户，都会在他家店里消费，他对任何人都是一副和气的微笑，但他尽量避免和帕斯卡莱的目光相遇。玛丽亚呢？她看到佩卢索太太就会把脸转向一边，她完全无视佩卢索家的两个孩子，长时间和吉耀拉的母亲聊天。最后大家开始跳舞了，气氛得到缓和，聚会变得很喧闹，没人会注意到什么异样。
That family at first caused some unease:
Pasquale and Carmela Peluso, the children of the murderer of Don Achille,
were also at the party. But then everything arranged itself for the best.
Alfonso was a nice boy (he, too, was going to high school, the same one as
me), and he even exchanged a few words with Carmela; Pinuccia was just
pleased to be at a party, working, as she did, in the store every day;
Stefano, having precociously understood that good business is based on the
absence of exclusiveness, considered all the residents of the neighborhood
potential clients who would spend their money in his store; he produced his
lovely, gentle smile for everyone, and so was able to avoid, even for an
instant, meeting Pasquale’s gaze; and, finally, Maria, who usually turned the
other way if she saw Signora Peluso, completely ignored the two children and
talked for a long time to Gigliola’s mother. And then, as some people started
dancing, and the din increased, there was a release of tension, and no one
paid attention to anything.
刚开始放的是传统舞曲，接着放了一支新潮的摇滚舞曲，所有人——包括老人和小孩，都对摇滚乐充满了好奇。我跳得浑身发热了，就待在一个角落里。我当然会跳摇滚舞，在家里经常和弟弟佩佩一起跳，星期天在莉拉家里，我也和她一起跳，但我觉得自己太笨重了，跟不上那种轻盈、敏捷的调子。尽管我不愿意停下来，但我还是决定待在那里看着，我看莉拉跳得也不怎么样，她移动身体的样子有些滑稽。我之前也告诉过她这一点，她觉得我的批评是一种挑战，她自己练习了很久，因为里诺也不愿意跳。她在任何事上都追求完美，那天晚上，她也和我在一边站着，看帕斯卡莱和卡梅拉跳，他们跳得真不错。
First came the traditional dances, and
then we moved on to a new kind of dance, rock and roll, which everyone, old
and young, was curious about. I was hot and had retreated to a corner. I knew
how to dance rock and roll, of course, I had often done it at home with my
brother Peppe, and at Lila’s, on Sundays, with her, but I felt too awkward
for those jerky, agile moves, and, I decided, though reluctantly, just to
watch. Nor did Lila seem particularly good at it: her movements looked silly,
and I had even said that to her, and she had taken the criticism as a
challenge and persisted in practicing on her own, since even Rino refused to
try. But, perfectionist as she was in all things, that night she, too,
decided, to my satisfaction, to stand aside with me and watch how well
Pasquale and Carmela Peluso danced.
后来恩佐走到了莉拉身边，这个小时候向我们撇过石头的男孩，后来忽然和莉拉竞赛数学，还曾经送给莉拉一串花楸果。在那些年里，他习惯于辛苦劳作，虽然个子不高，但长成了一个很壮实的小伙子。他现在看起来好像比里诺还要大，好像是我们中间岁数最大的。他的身上的每根线条都似乎在说明：他早上起得很早，他和蔬菜市场的“克莫拉”黑帮有染。一年四季，无论严寒还是下雨，他都会用马拉车卖水果和蔬菜，在整个城区的街道上兜售。但从他的脸上、他的蓝色眼睛，还有一头金发上，还是能看出那个反叛少年的影子，那是我们熟悉的影子。除此之外，恩佐说话很少，他一直说方言，我们没人和他开玩笑、聊天。那天是他发起对话的，他问莉拉为什么不跳舞。她回答说，她还不怎么会跳这支曲子。他沉默了一会儿，然后说：“我也不熟。”当放出另一支摇滚曲子时，恩佐捉住了莉拉的一只胳膊，很自然地把她推入了舞池。莉拉——假如没有她的许可，有人敢动她一根指头，她都会一下子跳起来，就好像被毒蛇咬了——但那时候，她没有反抗，很显然她想跳舞。她甚至用一种欣赏的目光看着他，然后沉浸在音乐里。
At some point, however, Enzo approached.
The child who had thrown stones at us, who had surprisingly competed with
Lila in arithmetic, who had once given her a wreath of sorb apples, over the
years had been as if sucked up into a short but powerful organism, used to
hard work. He looked older even than Rino, who among us was the oldest. You
could see in every feature that he rose before dawn, that he had to deal with
the Camorra at the fruitvegetable market, that he went in all seasons, in
cold, in the rain, to sell fruit and vegetables from his cart, up and down
the streets of the neighborhood. Yet in his fairand-roll song was put on he
took her by the arm in a natural way and pushed her into the middle of the
room. Lila, who if one simply grazed her without her permission leaped up as
if she had been stung by a wasp, didn’t react, so great, evidently, was her
desire to dance. Rather, she looked at him gratefully and abandoned herself
to the music.
我马上就看到：恩佐的确不怎么会跳舞，他的身体不怎么会动，而且很严肃拘谨，但他非常在意莉拉，很希望讨她欢心，向她展示自己。尽管莉拉跳得不如卡门，但也能吸引所有人的注意。我很沮丧地想到：恩佐也喜欢她。这时候我发觉，就连肉食店老板斯特凡诺也不停地看着她，好像莉拉是一个电影明星。
It was immediately clear that Enzo didn’t
know much about it. He moved very little, in a serious, composed way, but he
was very attentive to Lila, he obviously wished to do her a favor, let her
show off. And although she wasn’t as good as Carmen, she managed as usual to
win everyone’s attention. Even Enzo likes her, I said to myself in
desolation. And—I realized right away—Stefano, the grocer: he gazed at her
the whole time the way one gazes at a movie star.
就在莉拉跳舞时，索拉拉兄弟来了，我一看到他们就掉过头去。他们和糕点师傅还有他妻子打招呼，友好地拍了拍斯特凡诺的肩膀，然后站在那里看跳舞的人。开始，他们用一种城区老大的目光深深看了一眼艾达，然后转过目光，互相小声嘀咕了一阵子。他们用手指了指安东尼奥，很夸张地跟他打了个招呼，但安东尼奥假装没看到。最后他们注意到了莉拉，他们长时间地盯着她看，在耳边嘀咕了一阵，米凯莱做了一个很明显的赞同手势。
But while Lila was dancing the Solara
brothers arrived.The mere sight of them agitated me. They greeted the pastry
maker and his wife, they gave Stefano a pat of sympathy, and then they, too,
started watching the dancers. First, like masters of the neighborhood, as
they felt they were, they looked in a vulgar fashion at Ada, who avoided
their gaze; then they spoke to each other and, indicating Antonio, gave him
an exaggerated nod of greeting, which he pretended not to see; finally they
noticed Lila, stared at her for a long time, then whispered to each other,
Michele giving an obvious sign of assent.
我一刻不停地看着他们。他们站在那里，很明显：女人们都喜欢他们，尤其是喜欢马尔切洛。他好像一点儿也不记仇之前发生的关于裁皮刀的那件事，不仅如此，在短短几秒里，他的注意力完全被莉拉优雅柔美的身体所吸引，被她那张整个城区，或者说整个那不勒斯都不怎么常见的面孔吸引住了。他一直盯着莉拉，就好像他仅有的一点脑子也迷失了，他一直盯着她，一直到音乐结束。
I didn’t let them out of my sight, and I
quickly realized that in particular Marcello—Marcello, whom all the girls
liked—didn’t seem in the least angered by the knife business. On the
contrary. In a few seconds he was completely captivated by Lila’s lithe and
elegant body, by her face, which was unusual in the neighborhood and perhaps
in the whole city of Naples. He gazed without ever taking his eyes off her,
as if he had lost the little brain he had. He gazed at her even when the
music stopped.
忽然间，恩佐把莉拉送到了我站的那个角落。斯特凡诺和马尔切洛一起过来邀请莉拉跳舞，但帕斯卡莱占了上风，莉拉很优美地跳了一下，幸福地拍了拍手表示同意。她十四岁的娇小身姿被四位不同年龄的男性围绕着，每个男性都自信满满。碟片机开始放音乐了，斯特凡诺、马尔切洛和恩佐都很迟疑地向后退去，帕斯卡莱开始和莉拉跳舞，因为舞伴跳得很好，她马上就放开了。
It was an instant. Enzo made as if to
push Lila into the corner where I was, Stefano and Marcello moved together to
ask her to dance; but Pasquale preceded them. Lila made a gracious skip of
consent, clapped her hands happily. At the same moment, four males, of
various ages, each convinced in a different way of his own absolute power,
reached out toward the figure of a fourteenold girl. The needle scratched on
the record, the music started. Stefano, Marcello, Enzo retreated uncertainly.
Pasquale began to dance with Lila, and, given his virtuosity, she immediately
let go.
这时候，可能是出于对哥哥的爱，也可能是为了搅局，米凯莱·索拉拉决定让局面更加复杂。他用手肘碰了一下斯特凡诺，大声对他说：“你到底是不是男人啊？那个人是你杀父仇人的儿子，还是一个可恶的Communists。他抢了你的舞伴，你还在这儿看着他和那个妞跳舞？”
At that point Michele Solara, perhaps out
of love for his brother, perhaps out of a pure taste for making trouble,
decided to complicate the situation in his own way. He nudged Stefano with
his elbow and said aloud, “Are you some kind of a sissy? That’s the son of
the man who killed your father, he’s a lousy Communist, and you stand there
watching him dance with the girl you wanted to dance with?”
帕斯卡莱当然听不到这番话，因为音乐很高，他正在忙着和莉拉玩高难度动作。但是我听到了，恩佐在我旁边也听到了，斯特凡诺当然也听到了。我们都等着会发生什么事情，但什么事也没有发生。斯特凡诺是一个很有头脑的小伙子，他家的肉食店生意很好，他打算买下临近的铺子，扩大自己的店铺。他觉得自己很幸运，确信生活会赋予他所有他期望的东西。他用一个讨好的微笑看着米凯莱，对他说：“让他们跳吧，他跳得不错。”然后，他继续盯着莉拉看，就好像他最在意的人是莉拉。米凯莱做了一个讨厌的鬼脸，就去找糕点师傅和他的妻子了。
Pasquale certainly didn’t hear him,
because the music was loud and he was busy performing acrobatics with Lila.
But I heard, and Enzo next to me heard, and naturally Stefano heard. We
waited for something to happen but nothing happened. Stefano was someone who
knew his own business. The grocery was thriving, he was planning to buy a
neighboring space to expand it, he felt, in short, fortunate, and in fact he
was very sure that life would give him everything he wanted. He said to
Michele with his enchanting smile, “Let him dance, he’s a good dancer.” And
he continued to watch Lila as if the only thing that mattered to him at that
moment were her. Michele made a grimace of disgust and went to look for the
pastry maker and his wife.
现在，米凯莱干什么呢？我看到他在激动地和舞会的主人说话，他用手指着坐在角落里的玛丽亚，指着斯特凡诺、阿方索和皮诺奇娅，又指着跳舞的帕斯卡莱，然后又指着和安东尼奥跳舞的卡梅拉。舞曲停了之后，吉耀拉的母亲很客气地拉着帕斯卡莱的胳膊，把他带到一个角落里，在他耳边说了些什么。
What did he want to do now? I saw him
talking with the hosts in an agitated manner, he pointed to Maria in one
corner, he pointed to Stefano and Alfonso and Pinuccia, he pointed to
Pasquale, who was dancing, he pointed to Carmela, who was showing off with
Antonio. As soon as the music stopped Gigliola’s mother took Pasquale under
the arm in a friendly way, led him into a corner, said something in his ear.
“去吧，”米凯莱笑着对他哥哥说，“道路已经扫清。”马尔切洛又志高气昂地走到了莉拉面前。
“Go ahead,” Michele said to his brother,
“the way’s clear.” And Marcello Solara tried again with Lila.
我很确信莉拉会拒绝他，我知道莉拉有多讨厌他，但事情并非如此。音乐再次响起，她的每块肌肉都想跳舞，她先是用目光搜寻帕斯卡莱，但没看到他，她捉住了马尔切洛的一只手，就好像那仅仅是一只手，就好像他的那条胳膊和身体的其他部分都不存在。她浑身是汗，又开始了那时候对她来说最要紧的事情：跳舞。
I was sure she would say no, I knew how
she detested him. But that wasn’t what happened. The music started, and she,
with the desire to dance in every muscle, first looked for Pasquale, then,
not seeing him, grasped Marcello’s hand as if it were merely a hand, as if
beyond it there were not an arm, his whole body, and, all sweaty, began again
to do what at that moment counted most for her: dance.
我看着斯特凡诺和恩佐，气氛很紧张。我的心紧张得怦怦跳，帕斯卡莱恶狠狠地走到了卡梅拉跟前，跟她说了几句话。卡梅拉小声地抗议，但他让卡梅拉住嘴。安东尼奥也靠了过来，和帕斯卡莱说话，他们一起怒视米凯莱·索拉拉，米凯莱正对斯特凡诺低声说着什么。这时候，马尔切洛在和莉拉跳舞，拽着她，举起她，拍打着她。安东尼奥扯过了正在跳舞的艾达。音乐结束了，莉拉回到了我跟前。我对她说：“要出事儿了。我们该走了。”
I looked at Stefano, I looked at Enzo.
Everything was charged with tension. My heart was pounding as Pasquale,
scowling, went over to Carmela and spoke sharply to her. Carmela protested in
a low voice, in a low voice he silenced her. Antonio approached them, spoke
to Pasquale. Together they glared at Michele Solara, who was again talking to
Stefano, at Marcello, who was dancing with Lila, pulling her, lifting her,
lowering her down. Then Antonio went to drag Ada out of the dancing. The
music stopped, Lila returned to my side. I said to her, “Something’s
happening, we have to go.”
她笑了，大声说：“即使是发生地震了，我也要再跳一支。”她看着靠在墙上的恩佐。这时候，马尔切洛又过来邀请她跳舞，她又去跳了。
She laughed, exclaimed, “Even if there’s
an earthquake coming I’m going to have another dance,” and she looked at
Enzo, who was leaning against a wall. But meanwhile Marcello asked and she
let him draw her again into a dance.
帕斯卡莱走到我跟前，阴着脸说我们该走了。
Pasquale came over and said somberly that
we had to go.
“我们等莉拉跳完。”
“Let’s wait till Lila finishes her
dance.”
“不，我们马上走。”他断然地说，非常粗暴，不容置否。他径直向米凯莱·索拉拉走了过去，狠狠地碰了他的肩膀，但米凯莱笑了起来，低声说了一句脏话。帕斯卡莱向门口走去，后面跟着不情愿离开的卡梅拉，安东尼奥也扯着艾达离开了。
“No, right now,” he said in a tone that
would not admit a response, hard, rude. Then he went straight toward Michele
Solara and bumped him hard with one shoulder. Michele laughed, said something
obscene out of the corner of his mouth. Pasquale continued toward the door,
followed by Carmela, reluctantly, and by Antonio, who had Ada with him.
我转过头去，想看恩佐在做什么，他还是靠着墙站着看莉拉跳舞。音乐结束了，莉拉向我走来，马尔切洛挽着她的胳膊，眼睛里泛着幸福的光芒。
I turned to see what Enzo was doing, but
he was still leaning against the wall, watching Lila dance. The music ended.
Lila moved toward me, followed by Marcello, whose eyes were shining with
happiness.
“我们该走了。”我几乎是紧张地嘶叫着。我的情绪应该是刺激到了莉拉，因为声音里的焦虑终于传递到了她身上。她看了看四周，好像醒悟过来了。
“We have to go,” I nearly shrieked.I must have put such anguish into my voice that she finally looked around as if she had woken up.
“好吧，我们走吧。”她有些不安地说。
“All right, let’s go,” she said, puzzled.
我径直向门口走去，没再迟疑。音乐又响起了，马尔切洛·索拉拉捉住了莉拉的一只胳膊，他笑着祈求她说：“别走，我送你回家。”
I headed toward the door, without waiting
any longer, the music started again. Marcello Solara grabbed Lila by the arm,
said to her between a laugh and an entreaty: “Stay, I’ll take you home.”
莉拉好像这时候才认出了他，她用难以置信的目光看着他，忽然间她觉得很惊异，他居然那么亲切地抓着她的胳膊。她试着甩开马尔切洛的手，但他握得更紧了。他说：“再跳一支吧。”
Lila, as if only then recognizing him,
looked at him incredulously: suddenly it seemed to her impossible that he was
touching her with such assurance. She tried to free her arm but Marcello held
it in a strong grip, saying, “Just one more dance.”
这时候，恩佐从墙壁那边走了过来，他捉住了马尔切洛的一只手腕，什么话也没有说。他就站在我的眼前，很平静，个子不高，年龄也还小，好像并不费什么力气，但他手臂的力量只有在马尔切洛的脸上能看到。马尔切洛放开了莉拉的手臂，露出疼痛的表情，马上用另一只手握住了手腕。我听见莉拉很愤怒，用方言咬牙切齿地对恩佐说：
Enzo left the wall, grabbed Marcello’s
wrist without saying a word. I see him before my eyes: he was calm; although
younger in years and smaller in size, he seemed to be making no effort. The
strength of his grip could be seen only on the face of Marcello Solara, who
let go of Lila with a grimace of pain and seized his wrist with his other
hand. As we left I heard Lila saying indignantly to Enzo, in the thickest
dialect,
“他敢碰我，你看到了吗？动我？那坨狗屎！幸亏里诺没来。假如他敢再来，他的死期就到了。”
“He touched me, did you see: me, that shit. Luckily Rino wasn’t there. If he does it again, he’s dead.”
她真的没意识到自己刚刚和马尔切洛跳了两次舞吗？有没有可能她就是这种人？
Was it possible she didn’t realize that
she had danced with Marcello twice? Yes, possible, she was like that.
我们在外面遇到了帕斯卡莱、安东尼奥、卡梅拉和艾达。帕斯卡莱气疯了，我从来都没有见过他那副模样。他破口大骂，撕心裂肺地叫喊着，目光像疯子一样，没办法让他平静下来。他很气愤，针对米凯莱，尤其是针对马尔切洛和斯特凡诺。他说了很多我们没有办法理解的事情。他说索拉拉家的酒吧一直都是黑社会“克莫拉”据点，是放高利贷的人、走私贩的黑窝，是收买选票的地方，是保皇党的基地。他说堂·阿奇勒给纳粹法西斯当过间谍，他说斯特凡诺用来开肉食店的钱是他父亲通过黑市赚的。他大声叫喊着：“爸爸把他杀了，他杀得好。现在轮到索拉拉父子了，我来弄死他们。最后我也要让斯特凡诺和他全家从这个地球上消失。”他叫喊着，最后指着莉拉，就好像她犯了最严重的罪行，他说：“你，你居然和他跳舞，真不要脸！”
Outside we found Pasquale, Antonio,
Carmela, and Ada. Pasquale was beside himself, we had never seen him like
that. He was shouting insults, shouting at the top of his lungs, his eyes
like a madman’s, and there was no way to calm him. He was angry with Michele,
of course, but above all with Marcello and Stefano. He said things that we
weren’t capable of understanding. He said that the Bar Solara had always been
a place for loan sharks from the Camorra, that it was the base for smuggling
and for collecting votes for the monarchists. He said that Don Achille had
been a spy for the Nazi Fascists, he said that the money Stefano was using to
expand the grocery store his father had made on the black market. He yelled,
“Papa was right to kill him.” He yelled, “The Solaras, father and sons—I’ll
cut their throats, and then I’ll eliminate Stefano and his whole family from
the face of the earth.” Finally, turning to Lila, he yelled, as if it were
the most serious thing, “And you, you were even dancing with that piece of
shit.”
就在这时候，帕斯卡莱的愤怒也激起了安东尼奥一肚子气，他也喊起来，就好像他是生帕斯卡莱的气，好像帕斯卡莱要剥夺他要杀死索拉拉兄弟的快乐，因为他们对艾达做了那种事情。这时候，艾达马上哭了起来，卡梅拉最后也忍不住大哭起来。恩佐劝说大家都不要待在路上。“我们回家睡觉吧。”他说。
At that point, as if Pasquale’s rage had pumped breath into his chest, Antonio, too, began shouting, and it was almost as if he were angry at Pasquale because he wished to deprive him of a joy: the joy of killing the Solaras for what they had done to Ada. And Ada immediately began to cry and Carmela couldn’t restrain herself and she, too, burst into tears. And Enzo tried to persuade all of us to get off the street. “Let’s go home,” he said.
帕斯卡莱和安东尼奥都让他闭嘴，他们都想留下来对付索拉拉兄弟。他们用一种假装出来的平静对恩佐说：“你去吧，你回去吧。我们明天见！”这时候恩佐慢慢说：“你们不走，我也不走。”我也哭了起来，过了一会儿，最让我感动的事情是——莉拉也哭了起来，我从来都没见她哭过，从来没有。
But Pasquale and Antonio silenced him,
they wanted to stay and confront the Solaras. Fiercely, but with pretended
calm, they kept repeating to Enzo, “Go, go, we’ll see you tomorrow.” Enzo
said softly, “If you stay, I’m going to stay, too.” At that point I, too,
burst into tears and a moment afterward—the thing that moved me most—Lila,
whom I had never seen cry, ever, began weeping.
我们四个姑娘都哭得很绝望。帕斯卡莱看到莉拉哭了，才心软了。他用顺从的语气说：“好吧，今天晚上不动手。我们和索拉拉兄弟改天再算账。我们走吧……”我和莉拉抽泣着，立刻挽着手把帕斯卡莱拉走了。我们说了一些索拉拉兄弟的坏话，尽管我们认为对付他们最好的方式，就是假装他们不存在。最后莉拉用手背擦了擦眼泪，问：“纳粹法西斯是什么人？帕斯卡！保皇党是什么？黑市是什么？”
We were four girls in tears, desperate
tears. But Pasquale yielded only when he saw Lila crying. He said in a tone
of resignation, “All right, not tonight, I’ll settle things with the Solaras
some other time, let’s go.” Immediately, between sobs, Lila and I took him
under the arm, dragged him away. For a moment we consoled him by saying mean
things about the Solaras, but also insisting that the best thing was to act
as if they didn’t exist. Then Lila, drying her tears with the back of her
hand, asked “Who are the Nazi Fascists, Pascà? Who are the monarchists?
What’s the black market?”
