Showing（Becoming） Love, Our Greatest Power
Brainstorming with Lan Xin（LanXinSaMei）
成为爱，我们最强大的力量
与兰心的头脑风暴
国际知名的中国作家、诗人——兰心（兰心萨美）
独家访谈（二）
Interview by Maria Teresa De Donato
Famous American doctor/writer/journalist/blogger
采访者：美国著名博士、作家、记者、博主
玛丽亚·特蕾莎·德·多纳托
Today I am very pleased to host for the second time my dear Chinese friend and internationally renowned Chinese writer and poet Lan Xin.Those who haven’t had the chance to meet or get to know her yet may do so by reading our first interview (NOTE to MTDD: Insert the link)
As I have previously stated,Lan Xin and I share many interests due to personality traits, experiences in life, professions, and common goals.
Our today’s interview aims to dig into the area of Love, by exploring its meaning and application, help readers around the world to answer the confusion that make our lives and the world better place.
So, without further ado, I wish you all to enjoy the reading.
玛丽亚·特蕾莎：今天，我很高兴第二次邀请到我亲爱的中国朋友——国际知名的中国作家和诗人兰心。那些还没有机会见到或了解她的朋友可以通过阅读我们的第一次访谈来了解（网址：http://www.chinawriter.com.cn/n1/2023/0807/c405057-40052036.html)。
正如我之前所说，我和兰心有很多共同的兴趣爱好、性格特质、生活阅历、专业领域和人生目标。我们今天的访谈旨在深入探讨爱的智慧，通过探究它的意义和应用，帮助世界各地的读者解答困惑和迷茫，让我们的生活和整个世界变得更美好。
言归正传，我希望大家都能喜欢我们的访谈。
MTDD: Hello, Lan Xin, and welcome back to my Blog and Cultural Salon.
玛丽亚·特蕾莎：兰心你好！欢迎你回到我的文化沙龙和博客。
LXSM: Dear Maria Teresa De Donato,I'm happy to continue our conversation of souls.
兰心（兰心萨美）：亲爱的玛丽亚···特蕾莎···德·多纳托，我很高兴继续我们之间灵魂的对话。
MTDD: Lan Xin, through our first interview, we learned about your legendary life story and your activities and published books. During our conversation, it became clear that love, like everyone else, plays a vital role in your life. We know that you have been committed to creating and spreading the "wisdom of love", and have been praised as the "messenger of great love" by readers and media around the world. Your original "The wisdom of Lan Xin" has been widely circulated every day, helping hundreds of millions of readers. We applaud you!
When we speak about Love, people usually associate this term with the sentiment that unites two people who are romantically involved. Through our interview today, however, I wish to go with you beyond that notion… if that’s ok with you, of course…Can you talk about the wisdom of love?
玛丽亚·特蕾莎： 兰心，通过我们的第一次访谈，我们了解了你传奇的人生经历和你的活动以及出版的书等。在我们的谈话中，很明显，爱，在你的生活中和其他人一样发挥着重要作用。我们知道你一直致力于创造和传播“爱的智慧”，被世界各地的读者和媒体誉为“大爱使者”，你每天原创的“兰心慧语”在海内外广为流传，帮助了上亿的读者，我们为你喝彩！
当我们谈到爱的时候，人们通常把这个词与两个人浪漫的情感关联在一起，然而，如果你乐意，通过今天的访谈，我想和你一起超越这个概念来谈谈更高维度的“爱”。你能谈谈什么是“爱的智慧”吗？
兰心（兰心萨美）：非常好！爱是全人类共同的主题，涵盖人与宇宙、人与自然、人与人、人与万事万物之间的美好情感。我一直致力于“爱的智慧”领域的研究和创造，我很乐意与你探讨三维、四维、多维以及更高维度的爱。
事实上，爱于我而言意义至关重要！因为我所有的觉知都源于爱，领悟到的智慧也源于爱，尤其，每一次“顿悟”，更是爱的力量集中爆发的瞬间！
我最初想到“爱的智慧”，源于几年前我的一次“顿悟”——顿悟到我此生的使命是创造并传播“爱的智慧”。世间种种，皆可归纳于“爱的智慧”四字箴言之中。芸芸众生之所以有太多困惑与迷茫，有的因为无知；有的因为“我执”；有的因为贪、嗔、痴……终究，缺少爱和智慧，爱与智慧对每个人来说缺一不可，二者之间不可分割，于是我连接为“爱的智慧”。
每个在尘世中行走的灵魂，终其一生，最缺乏的不是金钱，不是地位，不是名望，而是——爱的智慧。唯有爱的智慧，才能救赎自我，修正自我，成就自我，并成就他人。唯有懂得爱的智慧，才能发现爱，创造爱，传播爱，成就爱，并成为爱，成为最好的自己，让爱成为最强大的力量。正因如此，我将创造并传播“爱的智慧”当成毕生的使命。
LXSM: Great! Love is a common theme of all mankind, covering the beautiful feelings between man and the universe, man and nature, man and man, man and everything. I have been committed to the research and creation of the "wisdom of love" field, and I am happy to discuss with you the three-dimensional, four-dimensional,multi-dimensional and higher-dimensional love.
In fact, love means a lot to me! Because all my awareness comes from love, all my wisdom comes from love, and above all, every "Epiphany " is a moment of concentrated burst of love!
I first thought about the Wisdom of Love when I had an Epiphany a few years ago that my mission in life was to create and spread the wisdom of love. Because everything in the world can be summed up in the Wisdom of Love. Thebewilderment of all living beings, some because of ignorance; Some because of ego; Some are due to greed, anger, delusion... After all, the lack of love and wisdom, love and wisdom are indispensable to everyone, and they are inseparable from each other, so I connect them to "the wisdom of love."
Every soul walking in the world, the most lacking is not money, not status, not fame, but - the wisdom of love. Only the wisdom of love can redeem ourselves, correct ourselves, fulfill ourselves, and fulfill others. Only by understanding the wisdom of love can we find love, create love, spread love, achieve love, become love, become the best ourselves,and let love be greatest power .That is why I have made it my life's mission to create and spread the wisdom of love.
MTDD: Perfect! Let’s start with an example: The ancient Greeks, for instance, would use different words to indicate Love, depending on the kind of love they were referring to, be it romantic, unconditional, family-related, friends-related, or else. In fact, the concept of ‘love’ may incorporate many aspects and feelings, such as devotion, empathy, solidarity, and many more.
That being mentioned, How would you describe Love?
玛丽亚·特蕾莎： 完美！让我们从一个例子开始：例如，古希腊人会使用不同的词来表达爱，这取决于他们所指的爱的类型，可能是浪漫的，无条件的，与家庭相关的，与朋友相关的，或者其他。事实上，“爱”的概念可能包含很多方面和感觉，比如付出、同理心、齐心协力等。
那么，你如何描述爱呢？
兰心（兰心萨美）：爱，是宇宙之源，是天地之道。爱是最高级的情感，爱是最高能量，爱是最强法门，爱是最好的疗愈。爱是人心最好的救赎，爱是世间所有生命最美好的渴望，爱是自我的信仰，爱是宇宙间唯一能沟通的万能语言，爱是一切问题的答案，爱是打开心门的万能钥匙，爱是幸福的终极密码，爱是化解世间恩怨情仇的唯一法宝。
LXSM: Love is the source of the universe and the way of heaven and earth. Love is the highest emotion, love is the highest energy, love is the strongest Dharma,Love is the best healing. Love is the best salvation of the human heart, love is the most beautiful desire of all life in the world, love is the belief of self, love is the only universal language that can communicate in the universe, love is the answer to everything, love is the master key to open the door of the heart, love is the ultimate secret to happiness, love is the only antidote to hate.
MTDD: We both dedicate much time to helping people through various activities and in different areas of life, be it professionally and/or through volunteer work. Besides academic studies or just life and work experiences, it’s clear that the enthusiasm we have in helping others is based on our common desire to be of assistance in paving the way for them to get to know themselves better, develop a higher level of awareness and consciousness about their full potential and move forward in life to live a more rewarding and fulfilling existence. Hence, the feeling of unconditional love, solidarity, and empathy towards people must always be present in us.
This might make someone wonder whether we – that is, all of us as human beings –were born with such qualities or, if not, whether we might cultivate and eventually develop them.
What is your thought on the matter?
玛丽亚·特蕾莎： 我们都花了很多时间通过各种活动和生活的不同领域来帮助别人，无论是专业还是志愿者工作。除了学术研究或仅仅是生活和工作经验，显然我们帮助他人的热情是基于我们共同的愿望，即帮助他们铺平道路，让他们更好地认知自己，培养更高水平的意识和觉知，让他们充分发挥自己的潜力，不断提升自我并过上更有意义、更充实的生活。因此，对人无条件的爱、团结和同情的感觉必须一直存在于我们身上。这可能会让一些人疑惑，也就是说，我们所有人——是否生来就具有这些品质，或者，如果不是，我们是否可以培养并最终发展它们。
你对此有何看法？
兰心（兰心萨美）：爱，是每个人内心最美好的渴望，终其一生，我们每个人，都在不断寻找爱，遇见爱，遇见幸福，遇见更好的自己。人人渴望拥有强大的力量，这种至高力量来自——爱。
那么，爱的源头来自哪里呢？亲爱的朋友，是你自己。事实上，每个生命都为爱而生，为爱而来。只是，你能不能找到这样的自己。每个人都可以成为爱，只是，你是否有了成为爱的觉知，并懂得成为爱的智慧。当我们内心充满爱，整个人由内而外都散发着爱的光芒。
人有两次生命的诞生，一次是肉体的出生，一次是灵魂的觉醒。当你觉醒到要成为爱，你便开始成为拥有高维觉知的生命。与其苦苦寻求爱、害怕爱、等待爱、计较爱，不如成为爱、创造爱、付出爱！当你成为爱的源头，便不再害怕缺少爱，失去爱。因为——所有的爱会源源不断地回向你。当你成为爱，才有源源不断的正能量滋养自我，润泽他人。
LXSM: Love is the most beautiful desire in everyone's heart. Throughout our life, each of us is constantly looking for love, meeting love, meeting happiness, and meeting better self. Everyone desires to have great power in themselves, and this supreme power comes from love.
So where does the source of love come from? It's you. In fact, every life is born for love and comes for love. It's just, can you find this kind of yourself. Everyone can become love, but whether you have the awareness to become love and know the wisdom to become love.
Man has two births of life, one is the birth of the body, and the other is the awakening of the soul. When you awaken to become love, you begin to become a being of higher dimensional awareness. Rather than seeking love, fearing love, waiting for love, caring about love, it is better to become love, create love, give love! When you become the source of love, you are no longer afraid of lack of love, of loss of love. Because -- all the love will keep coming back to you. When you become love, you have constant stream of positive energy to nourish yourself and others.
MTDD: The concept of Love, caring for others,especially those who might be in need, and showing them empathy and solidarity are the very basic principles of all Religions and Spiritual movements. By looking at the general situation in the World, it might appear that not to be the case. In fact, we see total chaos, to say it nicely, all over the place. Nonetheless, miracles are ongoing and occur regularly in our everyday life. We can see them at any given moment: there are plenty of people ready to step in and give a helping hand when we face dangers or are caught up in life-and-death situations. People we never met before, whom we know nothing about, appear out of the blue, step in, and are even ready to risk their own lives to save us… as well as many of us are ready to do the same when the need arises.
These are the moments when we find ourselves thinking “There is still hope for Mankind”. That’s when our hearts rejoice and we realize that we don’t have to necessarily wait for ‘the right time’ to act, we can take the initiative at any given time to make someone else’s life easier. Had all of us such understanding and promptness to act, we would change this World in the blink of an eye, wouldn’t we?
玛丽亚·特蕾莎: 爱的概念，关心他人，特别是那些需要帮助的人，并向他们表达同情和团结是所有宗教和精神运动的基本原则。从世界的总体来看，情况似乎并非如此。事实上，我们看到的并不乐观。尽管如此，奇迹仍在不断发生，并且在我们的日常生活中有规律地发生。我们可以在任何特定的时刻看到他们：当我们面临危险或生死攸关的时刻，有很多人准备介入并伸出援助之手，他们或许是我们从未谋面之人，也许是我们一无所知的人，然而他们突然出现，甚至准备冒着生命危险来救我们……我们中的许多人也准备在这样的时刻做同样的事情。
在这些时刻，我们发现自己在思考“人类还有希望”。那是我们内心的喜悦，我们意识到我们不必等待“合适的时间”才去行动，我们可以在任何时间主动去做，让别人的生活更轻松。如果我们所有人都能如此理解并及时行动，我们将在一眨眼之间改变这个世界，不是吗？
兰心（兰心萨美）：爱是宗教的核心教义，却又是超越所有宗教之上的慈悲。世界因为有爱而美好，人类因为互助互爱而充满希望。当人心被世事纷扰变得渐渐冷漠、麻木，灵魂变得沉重、污浊，总会有一些东西把我们从世俗中拯救出来——有时是一朵花，一棵树，一面湖水，一片云，一个善意的微笑，一双温暖的手，一个充满爱的拥抱，一句慷慨的鼓励，一份感同身受的理解，一种知己般的懂得……
这个世界，爱一直在，只是，爱沉睡在每个人心底，需要我们去唤醒。当爱被唤醒，灵魂便已觉醒。宇宙万物无时无刻不在给予人类爱，但是人类对爱的感知各有不同，对爱的回应力也各有不同。因而，我们首先要懂得爱的深层含义，然后舍得付出爱，同时还要懂得感恩所得到的爱。中国有很多古语蕴含着“爱”的深意：“施比受有福”，“大舍大得，小舍小得，不舍不得”。
人人渴望找到照亮生活的那束光，驱散藏在心灵角落里的阴霾；人人渴望找到“明天会更好”的希望，点燃笑对当下的动力；人人渴望找到温暖，抚慰有苦难言的心；人人渴望找到鼓励，遇见那个更好的自己……
人心最无法抵挡的，不是千军万马，而是——爱。然而，正如我在上一个问题中所说，与其苦苦寻求爱，不如成为爱本身！
生活终会告诉我们一个真理：助人终助己，度人终度己！爱出者爱返，福往者福来！
LXSM: Love is the central doctrine of all religions of the world, but it is the mercy that transcends them all. The world is beautiful because of love, and mankind is full of hope because of mutual love. When the heart becomes cold and numb, and the soul becomes heavy and dirty, there is always something to save us from the world -- sometimes it is a flower, a tree, a lake, a cloud, a kind smile, a warm hand, a loving hug, a generous word of encouragement, An empathetic understanding...
In this world, love has always been there, but love sleeps in everyone's heart, we need to wake up love.when love is awakened, the soul has woken up. All things in the universe give love to human beings all the time, but human beings have different perceptions of love and different responses to love. Therefore, we must first understand the deep meaning of love, and then be willing to give love, but also know how to appreciate the love received. There are many ancient Chinese sayings that contain the deep meaning of "love" : "It is more blessed to give than to receive".
Everyone is eager to find the light that illuminates life, dispel the haze hidden in the corner of the soul; Everyone is eager to find the hope of "tomorrow will be better", lighting the power of laughing at the present; Everyone is eager to find warmth, to soothe the heart of suffering; Everyone wants to find encouragement and meet a better self...
The heart can not resist the most, not thousands of horses, but - love. However, as I said in the previous question, rather than struggling to find love, it is better to become love itself!
MTDD: Over the years, I noticed that so many problems arise due to a lack of knowledge. Not knowing someone or something might lead people to assume things that most of the time do not reflect reality. An example could be our lack of understanding or appreciation for a certain culture we know nothing about or, even worse, the only things we know are those presented by the mainstream media that are very far from being objective. As a consequence, by passively accepting as reality what we hear… we end up shutting down our thinking ability and our hearts while becoming judgmental and opposing that culture, person, or even an entire population.
I personally have always been fascinated by other cultures and found great interest in trying to know more about them in order to better understand them. I believe that the differences between cultures and peoples are what make our World absolutely fascinating and enrich our Lives.
Is this also your experience, Lan Xin, and how can we further encourage people to open their hearts and minds also in this area?
玛丽亚·特蕾莎： 这些年来，我发现很多问题都是由于缺乏知识而产生的。不了解某人或某事可能会导致人们在大多数情况下做出与现实不符的猜想。比如，可能是我们对某种我们一无所知的文化缺乏理解或欣赏，甚至更糟糕的是，我们所知道的只是主流媒体所呈现的那些与客观相距甚远的东西。因此，通过被动地接受我们所听到的事实，我们最终关闭了我们的思考能力和我们的心，同时变得评判和反对文化，人，甚至整个人群。
就我个人而言，我一直对世界多元文化很着迷，并尝试更多地了解它们，以更好地理解它们，我产生了极大的兴趣。我相信文化和民族之间的差异使我们的世界变得非常迷人，且丰富我们的生活。
兰心，这也是你的感受吗？我们怎样才能进一步鼓励人们在这方面敞开心扉呢？
兰心（兰心萨美）：我有同感。在我书中有一篇文章谈到过这个话题：人生是一个不断寻找自己、遇见更好的自己、成为最好的自己的过程。如你所说，很多问题源于人们“设限”。设限，是结界，是人为地画地为牢。局限了自己，束缚了自己，也将自己孤立于这个多元的世界和多维的宇宙中。如你所说，设限是因为对知识、对自我和外界的认知不够，于是很容易对他人、其他领域、其他文化等未知事物妄加揣测，事实上这是“无知者无畏”。
在这个科技发达的时代，人们习惯依赖各种媒介，而渐渐失去了自我的思考与判断。事实上，眼睛看到的，耳朵听到的，都不一定是真相，唯有用心灵去看，去听，去思考，去领悟，才能拨开层层迷雾，找到真相和真理。
宇宙因为不同维度而激发人类不断探索未知的神秘，世界因为各种不同才丰富多彩，文化因为不同而丰富了这个多元世界，万物之间因为不同而成为独一无二的生命，人与人之间因为不同而有趣……同样，高维度的爱是“求同尊异”。
我和你一样既热爱中国传统文化和民族文化，也喜欢探究钻研世界的多元文化。原本，文化就是无国界的，属于全人类。希望我们能取长补短，为世界多元文化的发展贡献一份力量。
那么，人们如何敞开心扉呢？我认为，学习、思考和领悟，是认知自我和外界的必经之路，当一个人的知识越丰富，对自我和外界认知越多，就越不会设限，因为你能在自我和外界之间找到更多的链接，当你懂得把握这些链接，便会遇见心想事成的自己。
当你打开心，打开意识界，心无界，意无界，爱无界，你的人生一切皆有可能。
LXSM: I feel the same way. There is an article in my book about this topic: Life is a process of constantly finding yourself, meeting better yourself, and becoming the best yourself. As you say, a lot of problems stem from people "setting limits." Setting limits is a boundary, and it is an artificial prison. They limit themselves, bind themselves, and isolate themselves in this pluralistic world and multidimensional universe. As you said, the limitation is due to the lack of knowledge, self-awareness and the outside world, so it is easy to speculate on other people, other fields, other cultures and other unknown. In fact it is "the ignorant are fearless".
In this era of advanced science and technology, people are accustomed to relying on various media, and gradually lose their own thinking and judgment. In fact, what the eyes see and what the ears hear are not necessarily the truth. Only by using the heart to see, hear, think and understand, we can clear the layers of fog and find the truth.
The universe inspires mankind to explore the mystery of the unknown because of its different dimensions, the world is colorful because of its different cultures that enrich this diverse world, all things become unique because of their differences, and people are interesting because of their differences... In the same way, high-dimensional love is " Seek common and respect differences ".
Just like you, I love both Chinese traditional culture and national culture, and I also like to explore the multi-culture of the world. Originally, culture is borderless and belongs to all mankind. I hope we can learn from each other and contribute to the development of multi-culture in the world.
So how do people open up? I think, learning, thinking and understanding, is the only way to understand the self and the outside world, the more knowledge of the self and the outside world, the more there will be no limits, because you can find more links between the self and the outside world, when you know how to grasp these links, you'll get what you want.
When you open your heart, and open your consciousness, when your heart has no boundaries, your mind has no boundaries, your love has no boundaries, anything you want to achieve is possible.
MTDD: Another aspect that creates much pain and distress in people’s lives is communication or not being able to properly communicate. I saw many couples getting divorced – if married – or just splitting – if not – not for lack of love or affection but because they were not able to communicate effectively with each other. Everybody was so absorbed, or better said, trapped, ‘chained’ in their own thinking that it was impossible for them to carefully listen from their hearts to what the other person was trying to transmit in terms of ‘feelings’ and ‘perceptions’. Hence, both empathy and being an attentive listener play a fundamental role in communication, and even more so in a relationship of whatever kind.
Would you agree with me? What do you think the love between lovers should be? How to communicate effectively?
玛丽亚·特蕾莎：在人们的生活中造成痛苦和苦恼的另一个方面是沟通或不能正确沟通。我看到许多夫妻离婚或分手，并不是因为缺乏爱或感情，而是因为他们彼此之间无法有效沟通。每个人都沉浸在自己的思维中，或者更确切地说，被“禁锢”在自己的思维中，难以从内心深处仔细倾听对方试图传递的 “感受”和“感知”。因此，换位思考、同理心和用心倾听在沟通中起着根本性的作用，无论何种关系中都是如此。
你同意我的观点吗？你认为夫妻和恋人之间的爱应该是怎样的？应该如何有效沟通？
兰心（兰心萨美）：人人渴望心想事成，万事如意，幸福美满——我相信这个世上一定有这样的人生，但前提是——我们要洞彻人生、通达天地，懂得与天地、万物、亲人、爱人、友人深度沟通。爱，是天地之间万能的沟通语言。万物尚且有灵，听得懂人类的爱语，何况人呢？恋人和夫妻之间的沟通障碍虽然表现为各种问题，但究其根源，是因为彼此没有用爱的语言来表达。
“对不起”“谢谢你”“感恩”“我爱你”是人与天地万物都喜欢听的“爱语”，是打开心门的万能钥匙，是深度沟通的万能法宝，每个关键词都凝聚着强大的爱的力量！亲爱的朋友，愿你领悟这万能爱语中的智慧，并与你同在！
在恋人和夫妻的情感世界里，我们说具体一点，爱是什么呢？
爱是同理心。用中国话来形容是“感同身受”“推己及人”。 没有亲身经历的事情，我们往往“站着说话不腰疼”，他人的忧与愁，我们难以体会；同样，我们的苦与痛，他人也难以感受。若能换位思考，以一颗感同身受的心相互体谅，理解，温暖，那么，给予他人的，终将回到自身。
爱是深信。深信，是万事万物建立深度链接的前提；深信，是人与人之间心意相通的基础。深信，本身就是一种强大的力量！当你深信一个人，你才会和Ta有深度的链接和感应；当你深信一件事情会有好的结果，你才会真的如愿以偿；当你深信一个心愿会实现，你才会真的心想事成！
爱是敞开心扉并用心倾听。对爱人敞开心扉诉说，并耐心聆听爱人的倾诉，是有效沟通的前提。如果夫妻和恋人之间能养成这样的习惯，我相信沟通会有效得多。
爱是求同存异。两个生命结合到一起必然有太多差异，而这丝毫不影响彼此相爱，心意相通才是关键。如果我们尊重并接纳对方不同的习惯、喜好和想法，对方也能同样对待我们。
爱是无限的包容。人性的弱点导致“近处无风景，枕边无伟人”，而幸福的爱人之间一定是多看对方优点和长处，并无限地包容缺点和短处。当你用爱去看缺点，那么它们也是可爱的。人们喜欢和从来都不说自己缺点的人在一起，因为和他们在一起感受到被博大胸襟包容的自在，被美好心灵解读的幸运，被呵护宠爱的幸福。其实每个人对自己的缺点和缺陷都极其敏感，如同每个人身上的伤疤。不揭人短，唯念人好——大家都喜欢这样的人。亲爱的朋友，愿你是这样的人，也有幸拥有这样的人。
爱是成全。爱的终极意义是彼此过得幸福——让对方幸福，让自己幸福。如果双方在相处中所有的言语和行为以此为中心，那么幸福就会围绕在我们身边。
LXSM: Everyone yearns for dreams to come true, for everything to go smoothly, and for a life full of happiness and fulfillment. I believe that there must be such a life in this world, but the prerequisite is that we must connect with heaven and earth, and learn to communicate deeply with nature, all living beings, family, friends, and loved ones. Love is the universal language of communication between heaven and earth. All things have spirits and can understand the language of love spoken by humans, then how much more so can people?
The communication barriers between lovers and couples, although manifest in various problems, ultimately stem from the fact that they have not expressed themselves in the language of love. "I'm sorry," "Thank you," "Gratitude," and "I love you" are the language of love that everyone, everything between heaven and earth likes hearing. They are the all-powerful keys to open hearts and versatile treasures for deep communication. Each keyword is imbued with the power of love! Dear friends, may you realize the wisdom of love in this universal language of love, and may the wisdom always be with you!
Let's be more specific about love in the emotional world of lovers and couples. What is love?
Love is empathy. In Chinese terms, it means "feeling the same and considering others." Often, without experiencing something personally, we tend to speak lightly about it. We find it difficult to empathize with others' worries and sorrows, just as others find it challenging to understand our own pain and suffering. If we could put ourselves in their shoes, with a heart that feels what they feel, to understand and comfort, then what we give to others will ultimately return to ourselves.
Love is deep trust. Deep trust is the foundation of establishing profound connections with all things and the basis for hearts to communicate with one another. Deep trust itself is a powerful force! When you deeply trust someone, you will establish a profound connection and resonance with them. When you deeply believe that something will have a positive outcome, you will indeed see your wishes come true. When you deeply believe that a wish will be fulfilled, you will truly see it realized!
Love is opening one's heart and listening attentively. It is the prerequisite for effective communication to open your heart and share your thoughts with your loved ones, and patiently listen to them. If couples and lovers can develop this habit, I believe communication will be much more effective.
Love is seeking harmony in difference. When two lives come together, there will inevitably be many differences, but love and mutual understanding are key. We should respect and accept each other's different habits, preferences, and ideas.
Love is boundless tolerance. Human nature's weaknesses lead to the saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side," yet in a happy relationship, the couple tends to focus on each other's strengths and virtues, endlessly tolerating their flaws and shortcomings. When you view these imperfections with love, they become endearing.
Love is fulfillment. The ultimate meaning of love is to make each other happy- to bring happiness to loved ones and to ourselves. If a lover or couple centers all their words and actions around this idea in their relationship, happiness will surround us.
MTDD: We may also want to highlight another aspect that might also contribute to problems. Many people confuse “talking” with “communicating”. The difference between the two is clear, however, for it’s sufficient to look in the other person's eyes when we are talking to perfectly understand whether they are “there” with us or not ‘following’ our discourse but rather already thinking what to say next to prove they are right and we are wrong. Hence, when this happens, we do not communicate at all. We are just speaking in front of someone while the message is not going through.
This behavior, however, may also signify a lack of respect for people, let alone empathy and love.
What are some suggestions we can give to our friends who are reading this interview and may find themselves in such a situation, whatever position they might occupy in the conversation?
玛丽亚·特蕾莎： 让我们来重点看看另一个可能也会造成问题的方面。很多人把“交谈”和“交流”混为一谈。然而，这两者之间的区别是显而易见的，因为当我们说话时，只要看一下对方的眼睛，就能知道对方是在认真听我们说话呢，还是已经在想接下来该说什么，以证明他们是对的我们是错的。因此，当这种情况发生时，我们根本没有进行交流。我们只是在别人面前说话，而想要表达的信息却没有传递出去。然而，这种行为也可能意味着我们缺乏对他人的尊重，更不用说同理心和爱心了。
对于正在阅读这篇访谈的朋友，无论他们在谈话中处于什么位置，都可能会遇到这种情况，我们有什么建议可以给他们呢？
兰心（兰心萨美）：我的书《遇见幸福，遇见爱》中有篇文章《打开心，让爱进门》谈到，当下很多人不仅脸上戴着面具，心也戴着面具，上着重重的枷锁，于是提防、排斥、质疑着和我们交流的人，这样的交流是无效的沟通。
深度有效沟通的前提是——彼此敞开心扉。我们若想打开别人的心，得先敞开自己的心。事实上，当我们打开心，处处是善缘；当我们打开爱，人人都有爱！
上一个问题中，我谈了爱是什么，那么，爱需要什么呢？
爱需要仪式感，爱需要表达——用眼神表达，用言语表达，用笑容表达，用拥抱表达，用牵手表达，用身体表达，用礼物表达，用各种行动表达……
比如，眼睛不只是用来看世界的，也是人与人之间用来“说话”的，当我们交流时，眼睛是心灵的窗户，我们能从对方的眼神中读到回应，同样，对方也能读到我们眼神中的信息，有默契的两个人之间，只要一个眼神就懂彼此所想。那些眼睛空洞、麻木、冷漠、傲慢的人，皆因心中无爱，所以，眼中无爱。
亲爱的朋友，当你眼中有爱，爱便是点亮你的那束光芒，点亮自己，也照耀他人！
事实上，亲爱的朋友，你想有什么样的朋友，就努力成为那样的人；想有美好的情感，先修美好的心灵；想遇见温暖的人，先成为温暖的人；想遇见感动的事，先有感恩的心；想被世界宽待，先善待众生；想遇见心想事成的自己，先让慈悲住进心里。
说到底，人与人之间的关系无数种，没有“爱”的关系终究不会长久。这世上最长久的关系，一定有爱——相互成全，彼此成就，福来福往，便不可或缺。因为，这样的关系中，包含了利他、利己、利众生之心。
LXSM: In my book "Meet happiness, Meet Love", there is an article "Open the heart, Let love in", which says that at present, many people not only wear masks on their faces, but also wear masks in their hearts, and are under heavy shackles, so they are wary of, exclude, and question the people who communicate with us, such communication is ineffective.
The premise of deep and effective communication is to open up to each other. If we want to open the hearts of others, we must first open our own hearts. In fact, when we open our hearts, there is good everywhere; When we open love, there is love for everyone!
In the last question, I talked about what love is, but what does love need?
Love needs ritual, love needs expression - with eyes, with words, with smiles, with hugs, with hands, with bodies, with gifts, with all kinds of actions...
For example, the eyes are not only used to see the world, but also used to "talk" between people, when we communicate, the eyes are the window of the soul, we can read the response from each other's eyes, the same, the other side can also read the information in our eyes, there is a tacit understanding between two people, as long as a look to understand each other's thoughts. Those who have empty eyes, numbness, indifference, arrogance, all because there is no love in the heart, so there is no love in the eyes.
Dear friends, when you have love in your eyes, love is the light that lights you, and lights others!
In fact, my dear friends, try to be the kind of friend you would like to have; If you want to have a beautiful emotion, please cultivate a beautiful mind; If you want to meet warm people, please become warm people first; if you want to meet moved things, please have a grateful heart; If you want to be forgiven by the world, please be kind to all beings first; If you want to meet your dreams come true, let mercy live in your heart .
After all, there are countless kinds of relationships between people, and relationships without "love" will not last long after all. The longest relationship in the world, there must be love - mutual perfection, mutual achievement, happiness, it is indispensable. This is because such a relationship contains the heart of altruism, egoism, and benefit all sentient beings.
MTDD: Dear Lan Xin, although there are cultural differences in every country, there is a common human confusion: many people cannot find a balance between loving themselves and loving others, that is, they do not know how to love themselves and love others. Can you give some valuable advice to readers around the world?
玛丽亚·特蕾莎： 亲爱的兰心，虽然每个国家的文化有差异，然而人类存在共同的困惑：很多人无法在爱自己与爱他人之间平衡，也就是说，他们不懂爱自己，也不懂爱他人。你能给世界各地的读者们一些宝贵建议吗？
兰心（兰心萨美）：我的几本书中都深度探讨了“爱自己”这个主题：在爱的智慧里，爱自己，是最本真的智慧。只有懂得爱自己了，才能更好地爱他人，对他人的爱才更有意义。当你爱好自己，别人的爱，只是锦上添花而已。
这世上有谁能比自己更方便爱自己呢？有谁比自己更懂得想要的呢？给自己的爱，是任何人也无法代替的，也是获得他人爱的基础。
同时，我们还要懂得的是：爱自己不是自私，爱自己不是以自我为中心，爱自己不是纵容自己，爱自己不是顽固不化，爱自己不是只爱自己。爱自己是基于认清了自身，知道自己想要什么，适合什么，用爱紧握着命运的绳索，让命运掌控在自己的手心，让命运的风筝按照自己想要的人生轨道翱翔，爱自己是为了更好地爱他人。
亲爱的朋友，请在有限的条件里尽可能地爱自己，在有限的年华里尽可能地绽放自己。
LXSM: Several of my books have explored the theme of "loving yourself" in depth: in the wisdom of love, loving yourself is the most authentic wisdom. Only when you know how to love yourself, can you love others better, and your love for others is more meaningful.
Who in the world can love themselves more easily than themselves? Who knows what they want better than themselves? The love you give yourself can't be replaced by anyone, and it is also the basis for the love of others.
At the same time, we also have to understand that: love yourself is not selfish, love yourself is not self-centered, love yourself is not indulgent, love yourself is not stubborn, love yourself is not only love yourself. Loving yourself is based on recognizing yourself, knowing what you want and what is suitable for you, holding the rope of fate with love, letting fate control in your own palm, and letting the kite of fate soar according to the life track you want.
Dear friends, please love yourself as much as possible in limited conditions, and bloom yourself as much as possible in limited years.
MTDD: Lan Xin, I have enjoyed brainstorming with you on these important topics. Thank you for accepting my second interview, and thank you for sharing the wisdom of love, which I am sure readers around the world will benefit from! We look forward to exploring other interesting topics in our third interview.
So, finally, I want to ask you on behalf of readers around the world: How can they contact you and follow you?
玛丽亚·特蕾莎： 兰心，与你一起就这些重要话题集思广益，真是回味无穷。感谢你接受我的第二个访谈，谢谢你分享爱的智慧，我相信，世界各地的读者朋友们一定会受益匪浅！很期待我们将在第三个访谈中深度探谈其他有趣的主题。
那么，最后，我想代世界各地的读者问你：他们该如何联系并持续关注你呢？
兰心（兰心萨美）：我很高兴和世界各地的读者朋友们分享爱的智慧，亲爱的玛丽亚·特蕾莎，你所做的工作也是在创造、传播爱的智慧，你是世界多元文化和大爱的使者！我相信，你所做的一切已帮助到全世界无数读者！我代表他们感恩你所有的努力！
最后，我祈愿，每一位读者朋友都发现爱，创造爱，传播爱，成就爱，并成为爱，成为最好的自己！成为爱的使者，让爱成为你们最强大的力量！
LXSM: I am very happy to share the wisdom of love with readers all over the world. Dear Maria Teresa, your work is also creating and spreading the wisdom of love. You are the messenger of multi-culture and great love in the world! I believe that what you have done has helped countless readers around the world! Thank you for all your efforts on their behalf!
Finally, I pray that every reader will discover love, create love, spread love, achieve love, become love, and become the best yourselves! Be a messenger of love andlet love be your greatest power!
采访者【玛丽亚·特蕾莎·德·多纳托】简介
美国著名的博士、作家、记者、博主、疗愈大师。在意大利“永恒之城”罗马出生并长大，后来移居美国。她在小学的时候就出版了自己的作品，在罗马的Scuola Superiore di Giornalismo学院攻读新闻学，后来获得美国博士学位。
她精通英语、德语、意大利语三种语言，热爱世界多元文化，是多元文化的大爱使者。在欧美国家数家杂志期刊媒体设有专栏，读者遍布欧美。她采访过全世界无数大人物，荣获无数国际大奖，曾获得“总统文学卓越奖”。
被采访者【兰心（兰心萨美）】简介
国际双语作家，中国作家协会会员，中英双语主持人，东巴文化唯一女传人。现为东巴文化书院和兰心萨美书院创始人，“兰心说爱”节目主持人。
著有《只要最后是你就好》《遇见幸福，遇见爱》《遇见爱，遇见更好的自己》《幸福驾到》《宝宝驾到》《小心！男人就这样骗你》《一朵灵魂叫兰》《天使之舞》等，译著2016版世界名著《简爱》等。作品被翻译成英、法、德、意大利、土耳其、越南语等多国文字，被多家国际媒体赞誉和专访，被誉为“当代女性世界的向导”“大爱使者”“中国文学的一朵奇花”等。
（本文由作者授权见诗如面发布）
