我大概每十分钟想要发次火，也就是我每节课至少有10次机会很想下点重手教训教训淘气包们的一个——有时候是好几个同时发难。我的重手形式，也是我唯一“擅长”的教训模式，就是发布最后通牒：要么配合，要么你就出去！大概彼时我声音也提高了，脸也气得发红。这几个月以来，这重手被我使用了不多不少一次。 还好那次的孩子选择配合，并没有出去，于是我暗暗松了一口气，并对自己发誓以后不轻易发布“最后通牒”。

那其它那些我即将发作的时刻是怎么化解的呢？ 通常我都能突然想到：“发火是不能帮助到她们的，他们只会吓坏，不会明白自己哪里做错了，这只能失去一次真正教育他们的机会。” 于是我就缓一分钟，在那一分钟里通常我的感受会完全改变。

那一次发生了什么呢？ 我最喜爱的调皮鬼女孩X（当然还有我最喜欢的学霸，我最喜欢的好奇宝宝，我最喜欢的呆萌熊， 我最喜欢的幽默精灵等）突然抓起书包坐到门口去了，说什么也不肯回到自己的座位。 如果由她去了， 其他孩子有样学样自然不好。 虽然我知道她有点阴晴不定——总是会有莫名其妙下小雨的时候，但这次似乎不同： 她很倔强地不肯回座位。 对她的最坏猜测浮上心头：你这是故意捣乱！ 我一着急就是一串英文：“要么配合，要么出去！” 她是听不懂全部的，大概明白我不高兴了， 低声说：“我今天感冒了， 妈妈让我请假，我还是要坚持来。” 那一瞬间我的心好像被火车撞到，满心都是心疼。还好我没有说中文。。。 我问她是不是需要坐的舒服一点才坐到了门口的软椅上， 她犹豫不敢回答我的问题- 大概常规学校里这个问题是老师们开始批判的诱饵和前奏。 见我是认真想要知道她的需要，她点点头。 我允许她坐在那里，只是让她往前一点，好听得见看得见课堂内容。 接下来还要对所有的小鬼们宣布x生病，特准坐在门口，否则每个人都会抓住机会坐到一切匪夷所思的地方去（其实我也很想坐到那只毛毛虫身上，当个老师真不自由）。

今天的故事可是众人发难的大惨案。 自告奋勇帮我在黑板上画星星（奖励记录）的小姑娘s遭到了几个小朋友的质疑，他们称她画的星星太难看了，要把她罢免。我告诉他们“她是够不到那么高，所以使不上劲，画不好。你们这是什么表现？ 要学会为他人的成功而开心，并同情他人的弱点。” 越吵越得劲的另一个姑娘L振振有词：“凭什么？她又不是我妹妹， 我干嘛要爱她！” 是啊？ 为什么？ 凭什么？ 我要告诉他们什么呢？ 怎么样可以简洁本质纯粹地叙述，以一个孩子的角度让他们秒懂为什么要爱呢？ 我是该说，因为我们本来就该爱人？ 这个哲学太广泛，太深刻。 或许我该说，爱才是蓬勃生命，恨会让你迟滞钝化? 亦或是我该说， 一个品格高贵的人应该集中注意力那些值得尊敬的，享有荣誉的，富有尊严的事情？ 最终我选择了这样讲：“因为我不想让你们浪费时间在或者嫉妒他人优点，或者嘲笑他人缺点上。”  这似乎并没有马上收效，7,8岁的孩子们还在还嘴， 我发现“受害者”小姑娘s不见了，一定是情绪受伤跑到外面去了。 “现在你们很满意吗？你们觉得刚才你们攻击别人的样子很美丽吗？”　几个人看起来很羞愧，摇摇头。　我找到了小姑娘ｓ，劝她回到教室：“他们那样的行为不是值得尊敬的行为，我已经告诉他们了。　但现在是你的机会，选择坚强勇敢的回去，因为你不需要在不公平不友好面前退却。也要选择原谅他们，他们已经有点自责，你不也不希望他们看着你离开而一直很自责，对吗？”　小姑娘摇了摇头，跟我回去了。　她一向是个宽厚的小孩。

我希望他们每个人都是具有高贵品格的孩子，甚至有君王之风：不畏邪恶，力求公正，同时爱护他人；动若脱兔，静若处子，身体敏捷，心智清明。这样的孩子能够超越黑暗和狭隘，严格自律又谦让宜人；能够面对艰难困苦坚韧不拔，同时心地敞亮柔软，于是从善如流。一个语言老师的挑战，不在于传授知识和技能，而在于传授知识和技能的同时，用美好的语言帮助他们培养优秀的品格习惯。

这些充满激情的理想目标，大概就落实在一点上： 我要能够在火冒三丈的那一瞬间安静下来，冷静提醒他们越界的行为，然而最终选择相信并激发孩子们最美好的那一面。

I want to throw a teacher's tantrum at averagely 10-minute intervals, which means I see at least 10 occasions that warrant some strong discipline on one of them, sometimes many of them at the same time. The strongest discipline, or maybe the only discipline I know how to give, is to issue an ultimatum " either you cooperate, or you don't sit in my class ". Well, so far for the past several months, I had been that mad exactly once. But that time , the kid chose to cooperate after I warned her with a raised voice and possibly a red face, so I let out a sigh of relief and vowed in my heart to never say things like that with anger, but with calculated measures.

So how do I deal with the other moments where I was so tempted to yell ? I would get reminded that it would not work and would not help them, they can't understand where exactly they did wrong if they are overwhelmed by my reactions, and ultimately I would lose that opportunity to educate them. Realizing that, I would give myself a minute to talk with them and that usually changes everything. 

Here's what happened last time with my favorite naughty girl X: for some reason she all of a sudden grabbed her things, stood up, sat at the door instead of in her own seat and refused to move back. I knew she was like that - a bit moody, would get emotional for no apparent reason, so I "patiently" asked her to go back a few times but she wouldn't budge. I lost it so I said in English, which she doesn't understand everything yet, " either you sit properly in your seat, or you get out of this room!" She blinked her big beautiful eyes, bat her eyelashes and said in a quiet voice, in Chinese:" I have a bad cold , mommy told me to stay home but I didn't want to miss class. " I was like hit by a train of surprises and emotions ! I was so glad that I didn't go berserk in her first language - she would immediately pick up every element of my unwarranted anger and be devastated!  I asked her gently if she needed to lean in a softer chair - the place where she was hogging near the door, at first she was hesitating at how to answer me, supposedly in case that was a trick question which I heard they got a lot at normal school. Seeing I was sincere in knowing her needs and communicating on that, she nodded. So I told everyone it was OK for her to sit there but not them ( they would jump on any chance to not sit in a "proper" manner), and I could keep the proper order in the class. 

Today's story involves almost everyone's evil side. I let a volunteer student to draw stars that I assign to them as rewards for good behavior. The volunteer was a younger girl, not tall and deft enough to draw pretty enough stars - which apparently was a big issue to them!  A few protested at how "ugly " the stars are and some took the free ride of sneering at some one who was a laughing stock at the moment(this is close to bullying..). I told them to quiet down, to learn to cheer for others' successes but to sympathize with those who fail. They challenged me, "why? why? she is not my sister! Why should I care?" Yes, why? How should I tell them why, in a most simple, pure but impactful way? I can't say, because you are fellow human beings and you are supposed to love, because that 's too vast and profound a concept. And should I say, because love is eternity and hate only darkens your mind? That would go right over their head. Or could I say, a noble person is supposed to concentrate on things of dignity, of respect and of honor? In the end, I said :" so you won't waste your time on either feeling jealous over other people's good points or feeling superior over others' shortcomings. " They weren't listening but only yapping away with all kinds of arguments that were supposed to justify their mean attitude. While I told them to stop, I noticed the "victim" was missing from the room. "Now this is what you all want? hurting people's feelings? Do you think what happened just now, you calling her names, looked beautiful?" A few were shaking their heads, looking ashamed. I had to go out, find the girl and convinced her to come back to class. "It is not honorable behavior for them to say those things to you, dear S, and I lectured on them already, but this is your opportunity to be strong and to be forgiving, you don't want them to swallow in guilt seeing you are gone because of their careless comments, right?" She agreed that she didn't want them to feel bad. She has a big heart, this girl, I have always noticed. 

How much I want every one of them, to own all virtues of a noble person, even a king: brave against evil and unfairness, gentle toward others, agile and deft in motion and calm and wise in mind. Kids like these can rise above smallness and darkness, be self-disciplined while forbearing others' weaknesses, be full of strength toward hardships and iniquities but soft and open enough to always get help. The hardest thing for me, is not to pass on knowledge and skill, but to do that while helping them to grow a proper character. 

All that high and lofty goals land on exactly one ability: to wait and to trust, wait to hear their needs- hold back your impulse to give a negative reaction;, trust to encourage and stimulate the best part of their nature, instead of acting on the worse guesses of their intentions.