胡须管理学(英文原创)

A man’s facial hair is like the lawn of a house.

What the landscaping of the lawn does to the added value of the property the beard does to the handsomeness of a man.

Growing a beard seems to be quite trendy lately. Look at the male celebrities: Enrique, Marc Anthony, George Michael, Prince, Bocceli, …. And you will find their faces are all extremely bushy.

A man’s facial hair can be categorized into three types:

Mustache: that which grows beneath the nostrils and above the upper lips.

Whisk: that which grows along the hairline near the ears going all the way down along the cheeks.

Beard: that which grows beneath the lower lips, covering the chin and extending sidewise towards the whisks.

The maintenance of the facial hair requires as much effort as a landscaping artist.

My beard management tools are more professional than a landscaper or gardener::

Electrical Shaver

Disposable Razor

Small comb

After-shave lotion

Shaving cream

Scissors

Last but not least the Mustache trimmer, which I spotted at a pawn shop one day. My ecstasy at that moment was as thrilling as Mr. Columbus when he spotted the New World. Just read its specifications and you will know it is intended for the pros only:

Deluxe Mustache Trimmer

(Tondeuse a moustache de luxe)

Cordless/battery operated

(Sans cordon/alimentation sur pile)

Small head makes it easier to shape around the curved area or the lip

Angled design lets you see what you’re trimming for greater control and precision.

Mustache comb included.

Like a landscaping architect, I have to take the whole map of my frontal face into account, and decide whether I am going to do with or without mustache, where is the borderline of the beard and what is the length of the grow-up.

My first step is to mow my beard with the electrical shaver. This is the easiest part of the whole endeavor, yet requires considerable precision skills. Instead of shaving off all the outgrown crops to the roots I have to mow it at certain length consistently.

After the mowing is done, the razor blade is applied to the borders and raid the outer area relentlessly so as to clear all the unwanted area, leaving a clear-cut borderline around the beard.

The facial skin, especially the area connecting my chin and neck, is sagging considerably and becomes a hazard to the disposable razor, which tends to plough through its surface with great pain, and occasionally the blade got stuck and sank into the skin. Tiny stain of blood would pop up here and there like the rosebuds in the newly-cultivated garden.

The final touch is the task of the scissors that trims away certain undisciplined or crooked hair that does not confirm in height to the rest of its comrades.

Voila!!! It is all set. The After-shave lotion is applied to the now fresh looking chin and cheeks. For the rest of the day, a trace of faint fragrance will accompany me. I enjoy particularly the lunch break when the elevator is packed with lovely girls, and my CK After-shave is flirting with their CD and Nina Ricci perfume.

最后编辑于
©著作权归作者所有,转载或内容合作请联系作者
  • 序言:七十年代末,一起剥皮案震惊了整个滨河市,随后出现的几起案子,更是在滨河造成了极大的恐慌,老刑警刘岩,带你破解...
    沈念sama阅读 151,688评论 1 330
  • 序言:滨河连续发生了三起死亡事件,死亡现场离奇诡异,居然都是意外死亡,警方通过查阅死者的电脑和手机,发现死者居然都...
    沈念sama阅读 64,559评论 1 273
  • 文/潘晓璐 我一进店门,熙熙楼的掌柜王于贵愁眉苦脸地迎上来,“玉大人,你说我怎么就摊上这事。” “怎么了?”我有些...
    开封第一讲书人阅读 101,749评论 0 226
  • 文/不坏的土叔 我叫张陵,是天一观的道长。 经常有香客问我,道长,这世上最难降的妖魔是什么? 我笑而不...
    开封第一讲书人阅读 42,581评论 0 191
  • 正文 为了忘掉前任,我火速办了婚礼,结果婚礼上,老公的妹妹穿的比我还像新娘。我一直安慰自己,他们只是感情好,可当我...
    茶点故事阅读 50,741评论 3 271
  • 文/花漫 我一把揭开白布。 她就那样静静地躺着,像睡着了一般。 火红的嫁衣衬着肌肤如雪。 梳的纹丝不乱的头发上,一...
    开封第一讲书人阅读 39,684评论 1 192
  • 那天,我揣着相机与录音,去河边找鬼。 笑死,一个胖子当着我的面吹牛,可吹牛的内容都是我干的。 我是一名探鬼主播,决...
    沈念sama阅读 31,122评论 2 292
  • 文/苍兰香墨 我猛地睁开眼,长吁一口气:“原来是场噩梦啊……” “哼!你这毒妇竟也来了?” 一声冷哼从身侧响起,我...
    开封第一讲书人阅读 29,847评论 0 182
  • 序言:老挝万荣一对情侣失踪,失踪者是张志新(化名)和其女友刘颖,没想到半个月后,有当地人在树林里发现了一具尸体,经...
    沈念sama阅读 33,441评论 0 228
  • 正文 独居荒郊野岭守林人离奇死亡,尸身上长有42处带血的脓包…… 初始之章·张勋 以下内容为张勋视角 年9月15日...
    茶点故事阅读 29,939评论 2 232
  • 正文 我和宋清朗相恋三年,在试婚纱的时候发现自己被绿了。 大学时的朋友给我发了我未婚夫和他白月光在一起吃饭的照片。...
    茶点故事阅读 31,333评论 1 242
  • 序言:一个原本活蹦乱跳的男人离奇死亡,死状恐怖,灵堂内的尸体忽然破棺而出,到底是诈尸还是另有隐情,我是刑警宁泽,带...
    沈念sama阅读 27,783评论 2 236
  • 正文 年R本政府宣布,位于F岛的核电站,受9级特大地震影响,放射性物质发生泄漏。R本人自食恶果不足惜,却给世界环境...
    茶点故事阅读 32,275评论 3 220
  • 文/蒙蒙 一、第九天 我趴在偏房一处隐蔽的房顶上张望。 院中可真热闹,春花似锦、人声如沸。这庄子的主人今日做“春日...
    开封第一讲书人阅读 25,830评论 0 8
  • 文/苍兰香墨 我抬头看了看天上的太阳。三九已至,却和暖如春,着一层夹袄步出监牢的瞬间,已是汗流浃背。 一阵脚步声响...
    开封第一讲书人阅读 26,444评论 0 180
  • 我被黑心中介骗来泰国打工, 没想到刚下飞机就差点儿被人妖公主榨干…… 1. 我叫王不留,地道东北人。 一个月前我还...
    沈念sama阅读 34,553评论 2 249
  • 正文 我出身青楼,却偏偏与公主长得像,于是被迫代替她去往敌国和亲。 传闻我的和亲对象是个残疾皇子,可洞房花烛夜当晚...
    茶点故事阅读 34,618评论 2 249

推荐阅读更多精彩内容