《海边的曼彻斯特》—— LivAway Movie Talks
编辑整理：Vincent 英语听写：Bingo, Selina, Vincent, JY 翻译：Bingo, Vincent
Editor：Vincent Dictation：Bingo, Selina, Vincent, JY Translation：Bingo, Vincent
We hosted this intercultural movie talks last weekend, there are both expats and locals on the scene.
周末组织的一场观影活动 LivAway Movie Talks，现场有中有外。
The watching movie part is not so important, the real hit is the intercultural discussion afterwards. In 2 hours time, thoughts and opinions of different cultural background have been shared.
关于电影 About the Movie
Mr D.: It’s difficult to understand this film. I think it is a very serious movie. I’m asking who chose this film. Because this kind of movie you chose is very serious and I don’t know the level that everybody understand this film. My first question is can you understand the film and where you don’t understand. This is not a studio film you can see. There is no star here. Casey Affleck is a very big star, but he isn’t a star. The movie cost 8.5 million. That means nobody got a salary, everybody made this movie for free. But the movie made money. The movie made lots of money. Because there are 8.5 million, and it sells 70 million. That means the movie made 10 times more money. Also the director, generous amount were paid for everybody more than they want. But actually, he started the movie, he didn’t know it’s not enough, so everybody worked for free. The story is so powerful you can see. Why the main actors like that. Three children were burnt and died, it’s that right. You saw that right. The music they play, a work of Albinoni, the most tragic music of the time. How powerful the film and music are. All the flashbacks are connected to the tragedy.
Mr D. ：这个电影其实有点难懂。这是部很严肃的电影。所以我要问谁选了这部电影。不是每个人都能理解这部电影的。我想问一下，大家能看懂这部电影吗？哪里看不懂？你们可以看得出这不是一部片场电影。片中没有明星，Casey Affleck不是个明星。电影拍摄一共花了850万美金。这意味着没有人领工资，大家都是义务奉献。但是这部电影赚了不少钱。制作费用850万，票房7000万，赚了差不多10倍。导演之后大方地给大家发了奖金。但一开始他不知道预算会不足，所以大家都是免费拍摄的。故事非常有力量。男主角为什么会那样？他的三个孩子都死了。原声音乐也很棒，是Albinoni的音乐，可能是史上最悲惨的音乐之一。电影和音乐都很有力量。所有的闪回都是和悲剧有关的。
Vincent: Thank you Mr. D. Another professional comment on this movie. This is true. I asked friend who also watched this movie, do you know flashbacks all about in this movie? She suddenly realized that there are four or five scenes that she totally misunderstood. Those flashbacks are about when Patrick was young. There is a basement that Patrick jumped to look out the window. It’s actually a flashback. It’s when Lee is thinking about the past, that is what we called the flashback. Does anybody know how many flashbacks in this movie?
Mr D.: What do we call flashback in Chinese?
Vincent: 闪回. You know who is the master of flashback？Christopher Nolan. He is a huge fan of flashback. He uses flashback quite tricky. When every flashback happened, it always comes with really nice music to hit rhythm.
Selina: At the beginning I couldn't understand. Is that the father? is that the bother? I also have another point. When I was watching, I really wish something will be changed, but it didn’t and it just like that. It made me feel so down. We all made troubles in our life. We all want to be supported, especially when we made mistakes and when we were down. When Lee is in that situation all the time, I really want something to be changed, like Sandy’s mommy. I wish that some other stories will happen. People will be happy and his life will be changed. But it didn’t happen, so I feel like oh my god. Maybe just like Bingo said, what we should learn from it is we should try to be stronger and find a way to live another life if something bad happen to us. That is my point. Thank you.
Mr D.: This movie reminds me of a film called The Shawshank Redemption. This movie is very popular in China. I think this is one of the most popular film in China. Everybody saw this film. Actually it tells me what kind of movie that Chinese people like. Chinese people went to a lot of difficulties in the past. Unfortunately, the movie you made in China, you have so many stories like this or even stronger stories like this, but you don't have a storyteller who can tell this right? Actually, the director did not try to make you cry. There is some point so touched that make you cry. It’s not like FengXiaoGang. He likes to make movie commercial and more successful, and he is a powerful director. He knows his audience that's how he makes movie in China.
One thing I like about this film is that it’s very common in American this man actually goes to prison, Lee. I am surprised that the police let him go. The police accepted it that this is not his fault. American legal system and American prosecutors are evil in America. Those evil prosecutors they always want to be hero. The prosecutors actually killed Michael Jackson. They want to be hero. It’s the culture of America, everyone wants to be hero. The prosecutors often go after people and put them to prison. Actually, he can be charge involuntary manslaughter, means that you killed people but it’s not your fault. In America, you convict those people and then keep them in jail maybe two years or even longer to live difficult. It’s very common. This movie didn’t see that, it did not happen. This is the bright side from my point of view. I actually like the idea that the director chose not to put him in prison and let him suffer from it.
Mr D：这部电影让我想到另外一部电影：《肖生克的救赎》。这个电影在中国非常受欢迎，很可能是全中国最受欢迎的电影之一。每个人都看过。实际上这也揭示了中国人喜欢看什么电影。中国人过去活得很艰苦。不幸的是，在中国有很多很有力量的电影题材，没有一个很好的讲故事的人。导演并不是要弄哭你。但有一些时间点，太感人所以你会哭。这不像冯小刚的电影，他拍商业电影，更成功，也是个很有力量的导演。他了解他的观众，并且知道怎么在中国拍电影。我还喜欢这部电影的另外一个原因是：在美国，最常见的一种情况是，这个人肯定会进监狱。我很惊讶警察居然让他走了。警察居然接受了说这不是他的错。美国的司法系统和美国的检察官都是魔鬼。这些魔鬼检察官，个个都想当英雄。实际上杀死Michael Jackson的也是这些人。他们想做英雄。这是美国的文化，每个人都想做英雄。检察官整天盯着大家，想把人送进监狱。男主角其实是可以被告的，罪名是过失杀人，意思是，你杀了人，但这并不是你的错。在美国，这样的人是会被定罪的，可以被关个两年或者更久。这很常见。但是电影里不是这样。我认为这是非常光明的一面。我很喜欢导演在这一点的处理，他并没有选择把他送进监狱，让他受苦。
Kathy: This is my first time to see this movie. I express three points. Firstly, the mood of people. In this movie, Lee always don’t want to speak, and always in very low mood. He always made people all in that mood. Secondly I want to say is cause and effect. The third one is how to live your life in a smooth or happy way. That scene which very touched me: Lee’s wife says sorry to Lee. I want to say sometimes bad things happen, we don't want bad things happen, when you say sorry or apologize, it needs courage and to be brave. And also after seeing this movie I want to say, how to play with the card. Bad card, good card, to live happy, that's a big point. If you want to have good effect, perhaps you have to plant good seed or good cause. That’s my point. When Lee was drinking beer and playing ping pong with his friends, his wife went downstairs and shouting to their friends that her baby were sleeping at 2 o'clock at night. This is the cause. One bad reason has created the tragedy. It’s something about Buddhism. You do something good, good things happen to you. You do something bad, bad things always come to you.
Erin: I want to say something about the movie. The first thing I want to talk about is the view in the movie, the location actually is very near Boston or even in Boston , I was in Boston at beginning of Oct. Everything I saw in the movie is very like the same--- the buildings, the tower, etc, everything is very similar.
Erin: Another thing I am about to say is Safety is really very serious. Because recently I met another incident happened in our company. I have a very close colleague. We have close work-relationship. She cut her fingers by the machine. She is kind an old colleague and actually works for the company for 20 years. She is very familiar with the machine. Just one day it happened, she may lose her fingers on machine,It will happen just like that. I want to say: Maybe you can start another life, but you should learn from the mistakes you made before. In the movie, Lee, he may has the character like very easy to be drunk and to make some very big mistakes. Also his loss is very heart-broken for himself and his wife. even they love each other, but they can’t continue after everything happened. Very sad. We also mention some signal case in China. We read news about someday the whole family drive a car to some place, you are the driver, and every family member lost their life on their way. After that only yourself, It’s very hard to pass by.
Mr.D: About Lee’s character, at the very beginning, he is janitor. he is always under pressure. Why? Man drinks too much, in China lot of men they always drink too much. Why? They have family pressure or work pressure. In this case, we see that he is very simple ordinary man, but he always facing some very very big challenges, for he lost 3 children and his brother. Every time he beats others and fights in the bar, It’s very pushing moment, like he can’t handle it anymore so he keeps fighting to hurt himself actually. he even tried to kill himself, in the police station he might could have suicide. He is not an alcoholic, but his circumstance, his life is still difficult under so much pressure. So he is using beer to escape actually.
关于泪点 About Tears
Bingo: Actually, I was wondering how many times you cried when you were watching this movie, Selina?
Selina: Two times. Actually, I didn’t cry out at the beginning. When Lee’s wife tried to talk to him, the movie didn’t say what she had said to Lee, she just explained I shouldn’t say that to you and at that moment I cried out. Because it must be a tough thing happened to a family. Most of them must be cruel feeling when Lee said: " I can’t beat it." He was under stress, maybe his wife said some terrible words to him. At that moment, I cried out again. Because no one wants to see it happen. It is a destiny. Lee made mistake, but everyone made mistake, as the policeman says. But he has to be punished all the time and he kept punishing himself. That’s the one moment made me cry out. I don’t have too deep thoughts to talk about why I cried. Another moment is that Lee’s brother was happy to see Lee settle down and bought furniture for him. But later when Lee’s brother was gone, he is very lonely and only has Patrick. I cried again. I really don’t understand why Bingo asks me which moments I cried out. What do you mean and what do you want to know from my tears?
Bingo: Why do I want to ask? Because sometimes we girls felt so touched and moved by some points. Every point, when you get it, it means you understand something different. You know I cried several times without knowing it's coming and it is the second time I watched this movie. The first time as Mr D. said it was difficult for me to understand the whole thing. But the second time, I understand it better. I think the movie wants to show us that something really bad will happen to us, whether we can get over it, whether we can move ahead, every person will have different choices. Every time if I get some bad things, I should be brave, I should find a way to get out. Because life is short, life is annoy, I want to make my life better and live in a peaceful or stable situation. Maybe compared with man, we girls are much easier to be touched. But I think women are much stronger inside.
Emily: There is a very close relation with my parents. That’s why I was kept being moved by Patrick’s life. He had a closed relation with his father, especially when he saw the refrigerator which terrified him when his father was still in the refrigerator. Personally I valued people’s relationship with family, I guess it’s also the main point of this movie. That’s why I’m always with tears.
话题：是否只有忘掉过去，一切才能重新开始？When you want to start a new life, do you have to say goodbye to your past?
Selina: We can’t say we have to or we don’t have to. Because we can not. We can’t say goodbye to our memories or our past. It’s experience, we have to accept it, we have to accept our mistakes we made. When bad experiences happened on us, we always try to look the bright side, it’s my opinion, no other choices .
Bingo: Totally agree with you. 举双手赞成！
Erin：It’s very positive to live in this way, but only when something bad happen to you. It’s easy to pass by. But if you make mistakes to others, there is guilty we have to carry on.
Kathy: I think I respect my life, It’s like a package or a fortune. I don’t want my past as a white paper. and It depends on how you value your past. If put them in a bag, when you settle a new life, your past becomes like a good experience or lesson, you’ll have a reference to start a new life, not just learn from or follow the other people. So Perhaps some bad past memories very suffers or are very little, but It will make you grow, no matter in your character, or your brain, or your fresh and blood. Sometimes, the big bad lessons teach you grow bigger. I won’t forget my past memories. And I will cherish them and sometimes I pick them out from the box. It makes me stronger and stand out.
Vincent: I see this topic with 2 things. The wife, when she ran to him, she said something like you are broken, I am broken too. So broken is a state of them, they can not be un-broken any more again. they are just broken already, even if I can be strong, I can be tough, I can not be fixed. I am still broken. Coz that’s 2 tragedies, 3 kids of their own. And Everyone of you remembers the result. Lee can not adopt another kid. because he just experienced another fire emergency in his house, he’s totally afraid that that tragedy gonna happen to another kid. So he’s saying something like, I can not beat it, to explain that to Patrick, the reason why I can not be with you anymore. I can not beat it, I simply can not beat it.
Everybody here is saying that, You can not forget your past, your past is a part of you, you can not unbroken yourself, but still you have to carry it and walk, but how can you？Coz In the movie, Lee did not come up better, he did not come out of it. It’s just also broken.
I have another story to share.
My friends story, she and her bf.
She met her true love in this city like a year ago, and they spent really happy 7 months together, that man is actually her true love. They live together. He even agreed to abandon his work back in US to live with her here in the city. After 7 months’ happy love life, one night, he just died besides her when they’re sleeping. Just died suddenly. She couldn’t do anything to save him YET, the doctors are good, but the nurse even blame her, you don’t know how to do CPR, if you do CPR in time, he may got a chance. Something like that. It’s not exact words but something like that. That makes her totally carry this burden for like really long time. And she says something like this to me, My boy friend loved me to the end of his life, so I will do the same. So she rejected every boy pursuing her recently and telling them I am not single just my bf is in another world.
What I am trying to say is, we probably have seen so many stories, for good stories, people can rise up after some failure, after some tragedy. You can learn something, you can grow. It’s a very big opportunity to grow, but still there are some people, there are some situation, you actually can not beat it, and you don’t want to beat it, It’s part of your life now. And what I want to say is that, I think the movie wants to tells us, which teaches me a lot---
It is ok, even if you did not rise. It’s just your normal life. It happens to everybody, I am sorry it happens to you. You don’t have to rise all the time. It happens to you it’s fine. People don’t rise but they are good, they are fine.
Charles: The point of how to come back from the great tragedy, it’s also everyone’s goal. But they have rights to grief. They can only count on their own feels. Everyone deals things different. Also I am trying to point out that it is really hard to come back from mistakes like just by yourself. I did the thing once. how do I know that I won’t do it again. I won’t beat it again. I think the only way to come back from serious tragedy is more like a spiritual call, which is not as common as her in China but in probably western countries they have a spiritual or religious sort of faith. I do see that people have overcome things that will be very difficult. Kind of putting all the emotion burden baggage into a higher power, into a kind of believing. You can believe in more.
Charles：每个人都想要从巨大的悲剧事件中恢复，但同时他们也有权力继续悲伤。人们只能靠自己来恢复。每个人处理问题的方式不一样。但是我想说，仅靠自己去面对犯下的错误，实在太难了。我错过一次，我怎么知道不会再做错下一次？我觉得从巨大的悲剧中恢复的办法可能只能通过精神力量。这在中国不是特别常见，但在一些西方国家，他们有信仰和精神力量。我确实见过有人从巨大的悲伤中走了出来，把他们所有的情感包袱都寄情于更大的力量 —— 一种信仰中。依靠这种信仰，你可能可以恢复。
Selina: When they two talk about some religion things, I also found out religion things. There’s a movie called The Kite Runner, It’s a good movie about kind of religion things.
It comes out the point one time when I was thinking, is there any religion says that you must be punished or not? From this movie, I don’t know if it’s true or not that in the America’s law, people don’t need to be punished or go to jail if they made mistakes like this. But, Lee actually has been punished all the time. (Mr.D emphasized that Normally they go to jail, 8 by 10, or maybe more) , I am not sure what happened in the movie is true or not. But I think Maybe it’s better for Lee to go to jail. I don’t know what will really happen in jail, but in China, when you come out from jail, your mood has been changed. people there are trying to teach you, help you, you will be changed. If you have to do everything by yourself, that’s very hard. Especially Lee’s personality, he doesn’t communicate with anyone, he just closes himself, It’s difficult.
Erin: I think for the normal people, if you make mistakes, after that, you actually behave like a child. Every time when it happens, you behave like a child.
Mr D: In the US normally It happens on these people that have no control with their life. When they go to prison, government takes over them. Prison is actually really a good place for people without control. Because they got monitor system and they can set a camera for 24*7. Very good place for people without control you know. Because they had more monitoring system they can see it from the camera 24*7. Plus, they have all the safety, medicals, safety, the foods safety, they don’t have to make money, and they have a place to live. So every prison, possible this, this is the case go to legal system. Maybe at least you come to the jail for one year, two years or three years, because the trial takes very long in US. And government has to pay for all the legal fees. Like in California or any other states. So, but this is not his fault, the system stands that, it’s very common that systems charge him, to actually take over him. That’s what happens most of the time.
Selina Gu: There is one point I want to mention that the guy calls Lee, If I think he should go to jail. I think I support the movie make him go to jail. Because if he didn't go to jail, also he didn’t be punishment in his physical punishment. But, if he didn’t go to jail, he will be in mental punishment several times. So if he live in the jail also he will surfer too much. But however his guilty feeling will reduce it. So it’s good for him. I think this movie make me, how to say, I think this guy is very pessimistic. Normally I watched a lot of American movies are very optimistic. But this movie, this American movie is very special. I guess if I was the director, I want to change it a little bit the story. I think the last, I wish this guy will open his mind, he will accept his nephew.
Bingo: Actually I’m not sure if you guys found out at the end of this movie, when Lee play the ball with Patrick, you know, he seems like a little bit happier than before. And he suggests that, he said he is going to find a apartment with two rooms. One is for Patrick, in case he comes to visit him. So I think, at least in my part, I take that as Lee wants to open his heart to the new life. Even though maybe he moves a little slower but he wants to try. So that’s why I think, at the end, you know the director give us some hope. (Mr D: they connected that, right? We see that, at the beginning, at the end we see that they have the connection we see ) Yes yes. That’s, I think you know, because everyone said this is a tragedy. Lee didn’t come out, and you know, maybe, this kind of pain, were these broken heart feelings will always be there. But still, he wants to have some try with Patrick.
Bingo：我不知道大家发现了没有，电影结尾处，Lee和Patrick玩球的时候，他看起来比之前开心一点了。他也建议说，他要找一个两间房的公寓。如果Patrick来看他的话，会给他一间房。所以至少我认为，Lee已经对新生活敞开心扉了。虽然他做得有点慢，但始终是在尝试。所以我觉得导演最终给了我们希望（Mr D: 他们最后有了连接，我们看了开头也看了结尾，我们看到结尾他们有了连接了。）是的，我觉得说，每个人都说这是一场悲剧，Lee没有走出来，这种感觉让人心碎，但他还是想和Patrick尝试一下。
Mr D: This is not a pessimistic movie. It’s a movie more like a base from a true story but we don’t see that. First movie and second movie one thing is common is, this movie also has the same director who wrote the story. So they basically looks like that all these stories came from his experience. I don’t see it pessimisticly. In US, people don’t go to jail for punishment. It’s called correction center, rehabilitation center. In America prison is to correct people. If somebody has a problem with alcohol or other things, the prison is in government takes over. And they have many many schools inside, many training programs, to make you a better person. That’s what happens. For some people, especially very young people like 20 years old, maybe they’re angry, they kill somebody. So they spent 20 years in the prison and when they come out they misfit in the society. What happens is, they keep coming back, they come out but they can’t survive so they go back again. They feel prison is their home. So government, US government actually changes the name of prison now it’s called United States correction center or rehabilitation center.
Mr D: I think also this is culture difference too you know. In US everything is transparent. You can see everything, everything there’s nothing to hide. Government can hide very few things, something, only something with national security, right? But, rather than that, everything is open book. You can see the movie the prison break so popular in China. It’s popular. So in China the culture is Non-Transparent. Somebody is divorced they’re afraid to tell their friends because their friends they will judge them because they think divorce is a failure. So it’s not the government’s fault in China, I see the culture is very different, it’s not bad or good, the culture is non-transparent culture you don’t want to share your private things or failure or negative part of your life. That’s the culture. Not just in China, I think in Asia many other Countries are similar right?
In US is, even if you make a mistake you say I’m sorry I made a mistake. Now you see what's happening in Hollywood right? Everybody was charged with this and that, but they don’t hide anything, next day they admitting whatever they did. They have to do that. That’s like credibility. If you are lying you have no credibility. So the culture is transparent. You have to say whatever you did, and then say I'm so sorry. You see what happened in Tiger Woods right? He's totally gone. He was No 1, then he drops to top 5, then he drop to top 10, then he drop to top 100, then he drop to 500, now he's below 500. This is Tiger Woods, I can't image, this is one of the most example in front of us. And he's so young, his career is totally over, just one mistake. Remember? I just see from the culture why this movie can be so difficult for some Chinese. I don't see it's a pessimistic movie, I see it's, he's mentioned realistic, yeah, that's right. This is not what you see in America in Television, This is real American life.
在美国，你做错了事，你说对不起我做错了事情。你看到好莱坞发生的事情了对吗。每个人每天都受到各种指控，但他们不隐藏什么，第二天他们就承认自己做了什么。他们不得不这么做。这是个人信用。你撒谎，你就没了信用。所以文化是透明的。你必须说出来你做了什么，然后说我错了。你看到Tiger Woods身上发生的事情了对吗。他现在完全没声音了。本来世界排名第1，然后到世界第5，然后第10，再到第100，第500，现在已经低于500了。这可是Tiger Woods啊，我无法想象，这是一个很好的例子。他还很年轻，但他的事业已经彻底完了，只因为一个错误。记得吗。我只是从文化的角度说明一下为什么这部电影对中国人来说有点困难。我不觉得这是一个悲观的电影，这是一部现实的电影。这不是你能在美国电视上看到的东西，这是真实的美国生活。
Kathy: Realistic, reality, most of people want a wonderful life but people be ill everyday. So in past, present, or think about future, it's a big problem. So this is a movie. I think our people like you are we all can be a actor. So what life your want, you can create, you can organize it, you can plan it. So, for example, like today, I choose to be here, I choose to watch movie with you all, so I create this thing. That’s what I want to say.
Selina Yin: I just want to follow some points of Kathy . I think what she wants to mention is that we have to behave ourselves. You create your own life. You destine your destiny. You decide what you do. You decide what you would be. What you do destines how your life would be. Like that.
话题：对于有过失的爱人，选择“相濡以沫“或“相望于江湖”？Topic: Facing a faulty spouse, you choose to give it up? or work it out?
Vincent: So actually some of you also mentioned that for a faulty partner, cuz the man definitely did something wrong, although it’s just a mistake, although everybody cannot avoid making mistakes, but actually he did something wrong that he made it happen, he made it happen right? So facing your faulty partner as a wife or as a husband, do you still, you should stick to him or her try to work it out? Or you just give it up, like what the wife did, just choose to divorce, or just to leave? Because you, when you get married, you of cause you definitely took a vow, you know the vow is like’ 誓言’, you swear that no matter up or down, we’ll be together, I’ll be with you, to death do us apart. This is a vow of every marriage.
Mr D: Chinese marriage too?
Vincent: Sometimes. I heard people do that. But not all of them. I heard people do that, in Chinese marriage. I heard that, definitely. But, I mean, this is what marriage should avowed, right? Even up and down, I should still be with you, we should work it out. But sometimes we cannot blame the wife, to make that choice. Cuz it’s so huge, overwhelming tragedy happened. So what’s your opinion about this?
Bingo: Actually the movie didn’t tell us that it was the wife’s choice. Maybe she said something really bad. But maybe the choice was made by Lee. (Vincent: Ok by Lee yes maybe) During the whole movie you can find that it was Lee who carris so much burden and he cannot get out of it. Actually his wife told him that she still loves him but she doesn’t want Lee to live like that, she doesn’t want he to be dead, not physical dead, but experience dead.
Several weeks ago I watched another movie ‘me before you’. The main actor, he was just an normal guy but he got the bad traffic accident and he cannot stand up afterwards, just like a vegetable. And then he met another girl and fell in love with this girl. He cannot accept himself to be like that as always. But this girl wants to make him change his idea because he signed the contract with some agent and he will suicide. After 6 months he will kill himself like the signed contract with his father as well. This girl found the truth and she wants to make him change his mind because she loves him and he loves her as well. We always say love can change everything but finally in this movie the man still got injection and died, the girl chose to be beside with him till the end. So I think maybe sometimes it’s just we have to respect the people with love, their idea about life, about everything. We cannot do whatever we want but we respect themselves.
Bingo：实际上电影里也没说这个是太太的选择吧。可能她只是说了一些狠话。可能这个决定是Lee做出的。整个电影里你会看到是Lee一直背负这份沉重。他的太太并不希望他就这样死去。不是指身体的死亡，是指内心的。几个星期前我看了另一部电影叫”Me before you”。男主角发生了严重的交通事故，不能恢复，变成了一个植物人。然后他遇到了另一个女孩，相爱了。他其实一直无法接受自己受伤之后的样子。女孩希望他能改变主意，可他已经签了安乐死的协议。他和他的父亲说自己只会再活6个月。女孩知道真相后想要他回心转意，因为他们如此相爱。我们经常说爱情能改变一切，但电影最后男孩还是选择了安乐死。女孩选择陪在男孩身边到最后一刻。所以我觉得有时我们需要尊重我们的爱人，我们不能只在乎自己的想法，我们需要尊重他们。
Vincent: I see. Actually I want to add a line to this, there’s a US TV series called ‘ True detectives ‘ It’s a really good one. I recommend it to everyone.. The US series. The main character's kid also dead. And of cause they divorced too. The male character divorced his wife. And his line of comment of divorce that marriage is too fragile this kind of thing. Marriage is too fragile So…
Mr D: Depends on the power of marriage. like think in our generation are in seventy, eighty, ninety’s generation the power is very difficult to find. We have our parent’s generation they have fifty years marriage but it's almost impossible to maintain fifty years marriage today. I think it's still a culture difference. In US also, or in European Country also in Western culture, it’s very common to keep a good relationship with ex girlfriends or ex wives. But in Asian culture especially in Chinese culture you like to totally cut it off and you don’t like to communicate with any ex because you think it’s a trouble. It’s very common, in America it’s common that you have a ex wife and you become friends and you can talk. This is tragedy, this is serious in a relationship, challenge here. But in normal situation, I almost talked to all my girl friends in the past after we separated. Because that maybe helps to move on. (Vincent: Ok interesting.)
Kathy: I want tell a story. A girl ask her grandma she want to divorce. So she wants the opinion from her grandma. So her grandma said: in the past, if something is broken, we will fix it, we want to fix it. But now when it's broken, just want to change a new one.
Selina: I was thinking why this wife couldn't try to understand him, if she really loves him. Because you can see that Lee is actually a big boy, his personality is like that. His wife love him because she sees his personality. So I couldn't understand that if there is big problem happened or big mistake happened, if she really likes Lee, she should have pointed out before Lee says what's happen. You see at the beginning when the baby was sleeping, Lee behaves just like a boy. His wife alway feels that she likes it. Even when she sent her friends away she was still in love with him. It didn't happen on me, maybe it's easier for me to say this, but it's too difficult for this wife to undertake it with Lee together, that's why she blamed everything on Lee. That's why at the end she blamed herself oh I shouldn't say that to you. She can not undertake it. Maybe everyone has same problem, when in love, you would think that I would understand my partner. No matter what happens, I would undertake this mistake/problem together. Everyone wants to, but maybe they can not, it's just too hard to. Before when I was in love, I also thought of that I would undertake everything with you, but things happened you know. It's just destiny. When you were in that mood, you couldn't jump out. If the wife hasn't got marriage again, maybe they will be together again. It's just destiny, but at that moment, as Lee said, he can't beat it.
Bingo: If you ask me this question, I chose to stand by. But he wants to quit, wants to give up, I will respect and I will give up. I will do my best to stand by and to be with him. After that if he still wants to choose another way to be himself, I will respect.
话题：有心理创伤的两个人该如何劝慰对方？How do 2 person with psychic trauma comfort each other?
Vincent: Just like what Lee suffers, his friend George also lost a really good friend. But in the funeral services he tried to say something like “how are you holding up”, then he suddenly decided to take that back. “That's a really stupid question, I'm gonna take that back.”
Selina: I really want to say something about this. Also I want to know if I'm doing right. In China, if your friend has some bad experience, you just comfort them, you don't tell them the truth. You try to avoid talking about the problem. Like think's done is done, gone is gone, try to say oh everyone makes mistakes. But I don't like that, because to me, when people say that, some time I feel so silly you know. Next time I will make the same mistake. So I do like those kind of friends that are really honest to me. And speak out that Selina that thing is wrong, you did wrong, I would appreciate. I don't have friends who made such a big mistake, but for girls breaking up with boys this kind of thing, I will directly point out what mistakes you've made, and what is the truth what you have to face to, and how your future life would be if you can not jump out of this situation, no one will help you if you don't help yourself. More direct. I'm not sure it's good or not, some of my friend says it's not good.
Vincent: This question happened to me too. Like I said my friend just lost her boy friend. Every time she speaks something about her boyfriends, I just can't say anything, I just have to shut up. I don't know how to comfort her for such a big tragedy.
Mr D.: I'd like to share my personal experience in China, I lived in China for 10 years. Something happened in 2013 this time and I lived in Hotel for 41 months. So when I came here the last time actually I was in the hotel. 2 weeks ago my friend from US, ended my hotel life. He said I have a very big house in Changning, you're welcome to live in our home. After I moved to his home with my daughter, 6 years old. I don't want to go back to hotel anymore, living in a hotel for 40 months, you can image what can happen to your finance, what will happen to you life. Because not that I've chosen it deliberately, I have Chinese land load nightmare. They cheat the foreigners every day and some time they cheat them really bad. I was afraid of those land load, thinking that maybe I will have another bad land load. So I thought hotel might be a nice way to avoid them but that's not true. First 5 years was very lucky I met good land load, last 5 years I was very unlucky to have some bad land loads, so. Because in Shanghai you don't believe in government, you don't believe in relationship, so you try to solve everything by yourself. But whatever you do, there is no straight line of life, there is always something, somedays are good, somedays are not good. It's part of life.