《三》

So you and Rach tonight, huh? Yeah 所以你跟瑞秋今晚有约？ 是的
Yeah, it's actually our first official date 其实是我们第一次的正式约会
Wow, so tonight may be the night You nervous? 所以今晚可能会有好事发生了 你会紧张吗？
Nah No This is the part I'm actually good at, ha, ha 不会，这个部分我还蛮厉害的
What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and selfloathing? 没有自我恐惧的威觉 到底是什么样呢？
It's okay 还不错
How can you be so confident? 你怎么能够这么有自信？
Well, I know exactly what I'm gonna do 因为我完全知道自己该怎么做
Really? Like, you have a routine? No See, each woman is different 真的吗？你有惯用的招式吗？ 不，其实每个女人都不同
You have to appreciate their uniqueness 你必须欣赏她们的独特点
Really? No, I do six things 真的吗？ 才怪，我有六个招式
First, I look deep into her eyes, then I kiss her 首先，我深情的看着她 然后亲吻她
Next, I take my hand and I softly graze her thigh 接着，我拿起我的手 轻轻地抚模她的大腿
You mean like this? 你的意思是像这样吗？
No, not like that No, no No, like this: 不是，不是这样子，是像这样子
I see what you mean That's quite nice 我知道你的意思了 感觉还蛮不错
Ahem More foosball? 再来比一场手足球？
And beer Yeah 还要啤酒
Hey Hey 你好啊 你好
Hey, sweetie 你好，亲爱的
Wow 哇
Hey, stop staring at my wife's legs 嘿，不要再瞄我老婆的腿了
No, no Stop staring at your sister's legs 不对不要再瞄你妹妹的腿了
I'm sorry, it's just How'd you get so tan? 对不起，只是 你怎么有办法晒这么漂亮？
She went to one of those sprayon tan places 她去了一家用药剂把皮肤喷黑的店
You got a sprayon tan? 你用药剂喷黑皮肤吗？
Chandler gets pedicures 钱德去美容指甲
What? You do? Like, with the toe separators? 什么？你去美容指甲？ 有用脚趾分开器吗？
Why? Why? 不行吗？不行吗？
I can't believe that's sprayed on 我不敢相信是喷上去的
I mean, it looks really good I wonder if I should get one 看起来很漂亮 我想是不是应该也去试试看
Sure, then you should get a miniskirt so you can really show it off 好啊，然后再去穿迷你裙 就可以上街炫耀了
So do you get colors or just French tips? 你是去上点指甲油 还是有做指甲彩绘？
Here Here's their card Thanks 这是那边的名片 谢谢
Hey, I know where this place is 嘿，我知道这个地方在哪
It used to be an Xrated video 原本是一个色情录影带
Florist 卖花的
Hey 一你好 一你好，菲比
Hey, Pheebs Hey, Phoebe Ugh, you won't believe who moved back to town 你不会相信谁搬回了城袒
I know Amanda Ugh 我知道，阿曼达
She called me too She's the worst Who's Amanda? 她也打电话给我了，她真是斓人 谁是阿曼达？
She's this girl who lived in the building before you did 她是在你之前住在你公寓袒的人
Then she moved to England and picked up this fake British accent 然后她搬到了英国 学会了一个假英国腔
On the machine, this is her message: 在答录机袒她这样留官
"Um, Monica, darling, it's Amanda calling " 〝摩妮卡，亲爱的，我是阿曼达〞
Are you trying to do a British accent? 你在假装英国腔吗？
Chandler gets pedicures 钱德去美容指甲
Just so I know, how many more of those can I expect? 先让我知道一下，你还会跟多少人讲？
Know what Amanda said when she called me? 你知道阿曼达打电话来时 跟我说了些什么吗？
"Oh, so sorry to catch you on your mobile " 〝很抱歉，打你的手机才找到你〞
If you didn't wanna get me on my mobile, then don't call me on my mobile 如果你不想打手机找我 那就不要打我的手机
And she always brags about all the famous people she's met 而且她每次都炫耀 她认识很多名人
Oh, I know 对，我知道
"Uh, I slept with Billy Joel " 〝我跟比利乔睡过〞
All right, who hasn't? 够了，谁没跟他睡过？
Oh, what are we gonna do? I don't wanna see her 我该怎么办，我真的不想见她
Oh, let's just cut her out 我们干脆来排挤她
What? Cut her out of our lives 什么？ 将她挤出我们生命中
Just ignore her calls and dodge her till she gets the point 不要接她的电话 冷落她到她懂了为止
Well, I guess we could try that But it seems so harsh 好吧，我想是可以试试看 但是这样好残忍
Have you ever done that? No Had it done to me, though 你有试过这样做吗？ 没有，倒有人对我这样做过
Feels good 威觉还蛮不错的
All right, Mr Geller, right this way 好了，盖勒先生，柱这里走
So how dark do you wanna be? We have one, two or three 你想要晒多黑？ 我们有一度、两度、三度黑
Well, uh, I like how you look What are you? 我喜欢你的肤色，你是几度？
Puerto Rican Two I think a two 我是波多黎各人 二度好了
You'll face the red light 你要面向红灯
When the light's on, the spraying's about to start, so close your eyes 当红灯亮起时，药将会喷出 所以你要闭起眼睛
When the spraying stops, count to five 当药喷完时，数到五
pat yourself to avoid drip marks, then turn to get your back Got it? 轻轻拍身体，避免有不均匀痕迹 然后转身换背后，懂了吗？
Spray, count, pat and turn Spray, count and pat 喷，数，拍，然后转身 喷，数，拍
Wow, you catch on quick Well, I have a Ph D, so 你很快就学会了呢 因为我有博士学位，所以
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three 一个密西西比 两个密西西比，三个
Wait, wait! I'm not I'm not finished counting 等等，我还没我还没数完
You sprayed my front twice 你在我前面喷了两次
You never turned? No I barely got to "three Mississippi " 你没有转身吗？ 我还没数到〝三个密西西比〞
Mississippi? I said count to five 密西西比？我说数到五
Mississippilessly? 不用密西西比的方式吗？
Well, how bad is it? 看起来会有多糟糕？
Not that bad yet But it gets darker for the next four hours 还不算太糟 但四小时之后会更黑
So how dark will it get? 所以会有多黑？
Oh, you got sprayed with two twos and 你喷了两次两度，所以
I'm a four? 所以是四度吗？
Yeah, but your back's a zero You'll wanna even that out 没错，但是背部是零度 所以你得平均一下
Really? 是这样吗？
You might wanna get back in there Oh, okay 你应该要回去袒面 好吧
Wait a minute, there's no light on the back wall 等等，后面没有红灯啊
How do I know when it's gonna start? Hello? 我怎么知道什么时候会开始喷？ 哈罗？
My eyes! 我的眼睛
The same thing happened again! 又发生了同样的事情了
You got two more twos? I'm an eight 你又喷了两次两度？ 我现在是八度了
Thanks for dinner 谢谢你的晚餐
I thought you paid 我以为是你付钱的
Heh Guess we won't be going back there, ha, ha 我猜以后不会再回去吃了
So Yeah 所以 好的
Hey, what do you say we, uh, move this onto the likes of the couch? 你想不想移过来躺到沙发上？
I say cheesy line, but okay 你的台词很烂，不过好啊
What's the matter? I don't know I'm sorry 你怎么了？ 我不知道，对不起
I don't know why I did that Okay 我不知道为什么我会这么做 好吧
Okay Sorry 好的，对不起
I'm sorry Again, I don't know what happened I must be nervous 对不起，我还是不知道为什么 应该是太紧张吧
I don't get it Chandler loved it 我不懂，钱德还蛮喜欢的
Okay 好
I promise I won't do it again I really do This is gonna be great 我保证不会再发生 真的，一定会很棒的
Okay Okay 好 好
Uh, was that good for you? 你喜欢这样吗？
No, don't get it Let the machine pick up 不，不要接，让答录机去回应吧
Oh, yeah, it could be Rachel asking if someone could babysit again 好吧，说不定是瑞秋打来 问有没有人可以带小孩
It could be Amanda Oh, you're right Oh 说不定是阿曼达 对，有道理
I was just kidding about Rachel Babysitting's a gas 关于瑞秋，我只是开玩笑的 带小孩超级好玩的
Hello, Monica It's Amanda calling again 摩妮卡你好 是我阿曼达，又打来了
I'm in the neighborhood, hoping I could pop by your flat 我现在在附近 看看能不能去你家一趟
You're from Yonkers Your last name is Buffamonteezi 你是纽约人！ 你姓布发蒙提企！
Let's see So should you get this directly 我想想，如果你收到了留官
ring me back on my mobile 直接打到我的手机吧
Okay, don't hold thy breath 好了，你休想
Hello? Is someone on the line? 喂？有人在电话上吗？
Yes I was looking for Monica 是的，我找摩妮卡
Hang on, she's right here 等等，她在家
Someone's on the phone for you We weren't picking up It's Amanda 有人打电话找你 我们不打算接起来，是阿曼达
I get pedicures 我去美容指甲
Hi, Amanda 阿曼达你好
Uh, actually, now is not a good time 其实现在不太方便
Dinner tomorrow night? No 明天晚上吃饭吗？
Okay, Phoebe and I will see you then 好的，菲比会跟我一起去
Why? Why? Why didn't you just say no? 为什么为什么你没有拒绝？
Well, I said no to her coming over now I couldn't say no twice 因为我已经拒绝她过来了 我不想拒绝两次
I got this uncontrollable need to please people 我控制不了自己不去讨好别人
Fine Fine You would not hold up well under torture 算了你无法在酷刑中坚忍
Oh, and you would? I did 你就可以吗？ 我已经忍过了
Rach, are you sure you wanna do this? Absolutely 瑞秋，你确定要继续吗？ 当然
It's just a little weird It's you, and it's me 虽然有一点奇怪 但是有你，还有我
It'll just take some getting used to Okay 只要习惯 下就好 好的
Okay, well, uh, how can we make it easier? 那我们用什么方法来解决？
Okay Let's work from the top down 好，不如从头开始吧
Just work the bra, Joe Okay, got it, yeah Absolutely 把我的胸罩解开，乔伊 好我知道了
Okay, ha, ha Okay 好的 好
Is this thing welded shut? Ha, ha Okay 这个东西是锁起来了吗？ 别闹了
All right, turn around 好吧，转过来，
I gotta get a look at this thing Oh 我要看看这是什么
Ow! Sorry 抱歉
Well, this is romantic 这还真是浪漫呢
I'm sorry This has never happened to me before 对不起 这种事情从来没发生在我身上过
I'm an expert at taking off bras I could do it with one hand 我是解胸罩的专家 我一只手就能解闻了
I could do it with my eyes closed Once I just looked at one 我甚至闭着眼睛都能解开 有一次我只是看了一眼
and it popped open 然后就解开了
I blame your bra It's a standardissue bra clasp 都怪你的胸罩 这是普通的胸罩夹呢
Then I blame you Yeah That's right You threw me off with all your slapping 那就是你的错了，对 你的巴掌让我冷成
Okay, look, I'm really sorry about that, Joey 好我真的很抱歉，乔伊
But do you think maybe, on some level, you don't want to take off my bra? 但是你不觉得在某种程度 你不想要脱掉我的胸罩吗？
No, I don't have another level 不可能，我没有其他程度了
Hold on There's something different 等等，你有点不同
I went to that tanning place your wife suggested 我去了你老婆介绍的晒黑地方
Was that place the sun? 那个地方是在太阳上面吗？
Oh, and it gets worse 而且还有更糟的
Oh, my God, you can do a duet of "Ebony and Ivory" all by yourself 我的天啊，你可以自己一个人 合唱一首《乌木与象牙》呢
How could you mess this up? It's so easy 你怎么会搞砸呢？明明很简单
You go in the booth, count to five and turn around 你进去小房间里，数到五然后转身
How do you count to five? One, two, three 你怎么数的？ 、二→、三
Damn it! 可恶
I know! Hahaha 我知道
Oh, what is up with Miss Hawaiian Tropic? 这位夏威夷小姐发生了什么事？
How was your date with Joey? 你跟乔伊的约会如何？
Well, it was good, until we got back to our apartment 本来还不错 直到我们回到了公寓里
And then we were fooling around and he started to put his hand up my leg 然后我们开始有点激情 接着他开始把手放在我腿上
and I kept slapping it away 然后我一直把他手打掉
You didn't like that? 你居然会不喜欢被那样模？
Well, it wasn't just me, all right? He freaked out too 也不只是我的问题，好吗？ 他也怪怪的
He couldn't even undo my bra 他连我的胸罩都解不闻
Wow, really? One time he just looked at my bra and it popped open 真的吗？有一次他只看了 我的胸罩一眼，然后就爆开了
I do not know what's wrong with us 我不知道我们的问题在哪
We've kissed before and that's been great 我们接吻过，感觉很好
But this time it was leading somewhere 但这一次有多一点进展了
and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me 而且我很清楚是乔伊在碰我
You guys have been friends forever 你们是老朋友了
The first time you kissed Ross was weird 记得你第一次跟罗斯接吻也很怪
Mmhm You couldn't stop laughing 你笑得停不下来
You got through that Mmhm 但是后来还是解决了
Okay That's true That's true, we can do this 对，你说的对 真的，我们可以解决的
You're right We can do this We'll just power through 没错，我们可以解决的 我们只需要突破
Hey, uh, Chandler, can I talk to you for a second? 钱德，我可以跟你聊一下吗？
No need, problem solved We are powering through 不必，问题解决了，我们要突破
Chandler, stop It's not going to pop open 钱德，别闹了，它不会自己爆开
You don't know 很难说
Hi, Phoebe Hey 菲比，你好 你好
Is Amanda here yet? No 阿曼达来了没？ 还没
I'm sorry for screwing up that "cutting her out" plan, but I have a new plan 抱歉我把排挤她的计划搞砸了 但是我有新的计划
Chandler will call in a few minutes with an emergency 钱德几分钟后会打电话过来 说有紧急的事情
Oh, okay, what kind of emergency gets us both out of here? 什么样的紧急事情 可以让我们逃离这里？
What do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident? 如果说麦克跟钱德发生车祸呢？
Are you kidding? I love it Okay 真的吗？我爱死了这计划 好的
Hi Ha, ha Hi 你好 你好
Hello 你好啊
It's so nice to see you Ha, ha 看到你感觉真棒
Both of you, look at me Look how young I look 你们两个，看看我 看看我样子多年轻
Oh, gosh, we have so much to catch up on 老天，我们有好多事要聊
But first things first Touch my abs I don't exercise at all 但是先模模看我的腹肌 我根本没运动呢
Oh, gosh So, Monica, you're married 天啊，摩妮卡，你结婚了
Yeah, his name is Chandler and he's Oh, smell my neck 对啊，他的名字是钱德，他是 闻闻我的脖子
It's not perfume It's me It's my natural scent 这不是香水呢，是体味 是我身体天然的香味
Musty Oh 还有霉味呢
Gosh, this is brilliant Gosh, it's just like old times 天啊，真是太好了 老天，就像以前一样
I'm so happy you two are friends again 我真高兴你们两个人又是朋友了
When were we not friends? Well, it was 1992 我们哪时不是朋友了？ 当时是1 992年
And I remember, because that was the year I had sex with Evel Knievel Ha, ha 而我记得很清楚 因为那年我跟伊佛克尼莫上床
Uh, we were friends in 1992 在1 9 92年我们还是朋友
No, I distinctly remember you were dodging her calls 不，我记的很清楚 你正在躲她的电话
and trying to avoid seeing her 而且试着不见她
You were going to cut me out? Well, kind of 你当时正在排挤我吗？ 有 点点啦
Oh, my God Oh, bugger 我的老天啊 糟了
Should I not have said that? Unh! I feel like a perfect arse 我是不是不应该讲出来？ 我觉得自己很驴
Well, in America, you're just an ass 在美国你只是个猪头
Hello? 喂？
Chandler, what's wrong? 钱德？发生什么事？
Oh, my God, are you all right? Yeah, I'll be right there 我的天啊，你还好吗？ 好，我马上到
Oh, I'm so sorry, but Chandler was in a car accident 抱歉，但是钱德发生车祸了
Oh, my God Yeah 我的老天啊 是啊
Was Mike with him? Nope 麦克跟他在 起吗？ 没有
Hey Hi 嘿 嘿
Got the champagne? Yes Ready to power through 有准备香槟吗？ 有，准备好要来突破了
Excellent Put it on ice, the phone is off the hook 太好了，放进冰块里 电话线也被拉掉了
and, in the interest of powering through 而关于突破的事
Okay, sexy, sexy 好的，性威
Very sexy, sexy 非常性成
All right, let's do it Okay, you're scaring me a little bit 好的，开始吧 你把我吓到了
Oh, get over it, soldier, we gotta do this Okay 回神来，小兵，我们得进行了
Okay Ha, ha, you like that, huh? Oh, yeah 好，你喜欢吗？ 太棒了
You like that? Let's kick this into high gear, huh? 你喜欢吗，再来点更刺激的吧
Oh Oh Yeah, baby I'll show you how we do it 太好了，宝贝，让你看看该怎么做
No, no, no 不要
You kneed me in my misters 你跪在我的小宝贝上面了
What? Oh, my God I'm so sorry 什么？我的天啊，我很抱歉
Joey? Are you okay? 乔伊？你还好吧？
Soldier down 小兵倒下来了
We are not friends with Phoebe anymore 我们再也不跟菲比做朋友了
If she asks, I protested a little, but okay 如果她问起 就说我抗拒过了一下，不过好吧
Oh, Chandler, thank God you're alive Monica, can I talk to you outside? 钱德，成谢老天爷，你还活着 摩妮卡，我可以跟你聊聊吗？
I have nothing to say to you Wow My flat is twice this size 我没什么话好跟你说 我的公寓是这袒的两倍大
Please, Monica, in the hall? 拜托你，摩妮卡，到走廊来
Ooh, that accident must have been terrible 那场车祸一定很惨烈
You look positively ghastly 你看起来很苍白
Well, aren't you a treat 你还真是个好人呢
I can't believe you tried to cut me out Why, Phoebe? Why? 我不敢相信你居然排挤我 为什么？菲比，为什么？
It was right after we were living together 这是在我们当过室友之后
and you were driving me crazy, okay? 而你快把我搞疯了，好吗？
You were really controlling and compulsive and shrill 你控制欲太强 又爱强迫人，讲话又大声
Well, I'm still all those things 我现在还是这样啊！
You're also so generous and kind and scrappy 你也很慷慨、和蔼和好斗
I am scrappy 我的确很好斗
Exactly No matter what I tried to do, I couldn't keep you out of my life 没错，不管我怎么做 我的人生就是不能没有你
Of all the people I've cut out 所有我排挤的人当中
you were the only one who ever clawed her way back in 你是唯一一个还张牙舞爪回来的人
That's because I'm scrappy 那是因为我很好斗
Yeah, you are, and I'm so glad that you fought your way back in 是的，而且我很高兴你这样子 一路战斗着回来
because I don't know what I would do without you 因为我不知道没有你 我该怎么办
I don't know what I would do without you 我也不知道没有你 我该怎么办
Oh Well, I guess we should go back in I mean, you gave me another chance 我想我们该进去了 我是说，你给了我另一个机会
We should do the same for Amanda Yeah, I guess you're right 一我们应该也这样对待阿曼达 一我想你说的对
Can you believe it? I've never had any professional dance training 你能相信吗？ 我从来没有职业舞蹈训练
Let me explain how this works Go in the booth and 让我解释使用方法 你进去小房问里，然后
I'm gonna stop you right there, Glenda Okay? Ha, ha 你不用说了，葛兰达
Does it look like this is my first time, huh? 我看起来像是第一次来吗？
Now, I want four two's, and I want them all on my back 我要四个两度，全部喷在我的背上
Okay 好的
Wait There's two sets of nozzles Which one is it? Which one is it? 等一下，两边都有喷嘴 哪边才是对的？
Oh, son of a bitch! 可恶，他妈的
What is the matter with us? 我们的问题出在哪里？
Well, I know what's the matter with me 至少我知道自己怎么了
No, I mean with us, you know? I mean, is it supposed to be this 我的意思是说我们两个 真的应该这么
difficult? 困难吗？
I don't know 我不知道
That fake British woman's a real bitch, but she sure can dance 那个假英国女人是个贱货 但她还真会跳舞
Hey Hi 你们好 你好啊
Hey, listen, can I ask you a question? When you and Monica first hooked up 听着，我想问你一个问题 你一开始跟摩妮卡交往时
was it weird going from friends to more than that? 超过了好友的界线之后 会不会很奇怪？
Kind of Sneaking around, having to hide from you guys 有一点点，要偷偷模模的 还得躲你们
No, no, no No, I mean 不是我是说
sexually 在性的方面
Yeah, uh, was there a part of you that felt like it was 对啊，某一部分你会觉得有点
really wrong? 不太对劲吗？
Actually, no No, it felt right, you know? 其实不会，其实成觉是对的
If felt like, uh: 感觉像是
"I can't believe we haven't been doing this the whole time " 〝我们居然没有早点这么做〞
I can tell from your expressions that's the good news you were hoping for 我可以从你们脸上的表情看出 这是你们想要的好消．急
Well, I'm gonna go continue to spread the joy 好吧，我继续来散播这些喜悦
Just because it happened that way for them doesn't mean it has to for us 虽然他们的状况是这样 不代表我们也应该这样
Yeah Yeah, absolutely 当然了
I mean, just because something's difficult doesn't mean that you quit 就算遇到了困难 也不代表得放弃
Right, totally Yeah And so 就是说啊 没错
we'll just keep trying and trying until we do it 所以我们只要继续尝试 直到真的成功了
If not, we'll just be a couple that never has sex 如果不行的话，我们就变成 没有性生活的情侣好了
That's a plan 这也是个方案
I did not see this coming I know 我不知道结果会这样 我也是
I don't know, I don't get it I mean, I was so sure this is what I wanted 我不知道，我不懂 我很确定这就是我要的
Mmhm Me too 我也是
Well, how come Monica and Chandler could do it? 那为什么摩妮卡跟钱德就可以呢？
I guess they weren't as good friends as we are 也许他们的友情没有我们来得深
Aw 喔
I bet you're right Hmm 我想你说对了
So 所以
Yeah 怎样？
I love you 我爱你
Love you too 我也爱你
All right, I'm going to bed Yeah, me too 好了，我要去睡了 我也是
Yeah I'm not going anywhere for a while 好，我暂时哪里也不去
It's Chandler Let me in Go away 老兄，我是钱德，让我进去 走开
I don't wanna see anybody 我谁也不想见
I went to the tanning place and the same thing happened to me 我知道，我也去了那问店 同样的事情也发生在我身上
Let me in 让我进去
Really? 真的吗？
Did you count Mississippily? 你也用密西西比的方式算数吗？
You're not tan 你根本没变黑
No I just had to get a picture of this I'll see you later 没有，我只是来拍个照，再见