语言·翻译 | 小花英语学习笔记(4)

Success is simple. Do what's right, the right way, at the right time.

成功很简单,在合适的时间用恰当的方式做正确的事。——阿诺德·格拉斯哥


我是小花,一只上班喵,一株英语趴,天有点冷,人有点懒,小花在努力学英语,跟简书语言·翻译群一起。

很高兴认识你,这是我的第 4篇笔记。

let's go!

写在最前面:

你知道的~本文出现的参考翻译与讲解内容均来自简书语言·翻译群内解析。


10.19  练习,请将以下中文用英文表达。

松涛如吼,霜月当窗,饥鼠吱吱在承尘上奔窜。我于这种时候深感到萧瑟的诗趣,常独自拨划着炉灰,不肯就睡,把自己拟诸山水画中的人物,作种种幽邈的遐想。

参考译文:(张培基先生译)

While the pines were soughing in the wind, the white moon was shining on the window, with the hungry rats squeaking and scurrying in the neighborhood of the ceilings.

Seized with a poetic mood generated by the scene of bleakness, I would stay up late and sit alone poking the charcoal fire, imaging myself a figure in a traditional Chinese landscape painting and indulging in deep reveries.


以下是逐句解析:

第一句:松涛如吼,霜月当窗,饥鼠吱吱在承尘上奔窜。

译文:While the pines were soughing in the wind, the white moon was shining on the window, with the hungry rats squeaking and scurrying in the neighborhood of the ceilings.

单词使用

吼,译文用sough,其含义是(make a) murmuring or whispering sound (as of wind in trees),特指飒飒声,类似树木间风声的声音,瑟瑟声。例如:the sough of the wind in the chimney,就是指烟囱里的风呼呼作响。

howl,roar,shout,whistling,symphony皆可。

松涛,这个词其实是“松林”遭遇大风之时的一种比喻用法,极具中国特色,参考译文是pines,这样目标语读者也会容易理解。

霜月,参考译文用的是 white moon,cold, silvery,frozen都是非常贴切的.

�承尘,是中国古代建筑的一种结构,为了便于英文读者理解,使用ceiling一词是非常妥当的。

用dusty beam,也可以,很符合中文语境。

吱吱,参考译文用的是squeak。

Squeak做名词是指short high-pitched cry or sound短促而尖利的叫声或响声,the squeak of a mouse就是指,老鼠的吱吱叫声。作动词则是指make a squeak发出短促而尖利的声音,也可以指give secret information (esp to the police); become an informer告密(尤指向警方);充当告密者。

像“吱吱”这种拟声词,中文中还有许多,平时一定要注意积累,这样考试时才不会手足无措,比如,雷声隆隆,我们就可以用rumble这个词,电车叮叮当当或者火车的哐啷声,我们都可以使用clank这个词。

奔窜,参考译文用的是scurry。

Scurry的意思是run with short quick steps小步疾跑;mice scurrying across the floor的意思就是在地面很快跑过的老鼠。

翻译手法:归化

有些英语的修辞格译成汉语时,可以换用符合汉语习惯的其他辞格或是改变原文中比喻形象,使译文在思想上忠实于原作、风格和神韵上尽量求得与原文相接近的效果,便于目标语读者理解前几天的练习“轩”参考译文就直接用room.

例如:

(1) He was so fond of talking that his comrades nicknamed him "magpie".

他如此唠叨,同伴们给他起了个"麻雀"的外号。(汉语中"喜鹊"喻义喜事、吉利、运气,而英语中喻义却是唠叨、饶舌,于是取汉语中联想效果对应的比喻)

(2) "Don't be scared, chickens!" came her voice with teasing gaiety.

"别害怕, 你们这些胆小如鼠的东西!"只听得她用戏谑的口气说道。(英语中鸡是懦弱、胆怯的代名词, 汉语中的鸡却无法引起人们这种联想,于是换成老鼠形象。)

(3)It is regrettable that our appeal remained a dead letter.遗憾的是,我们当时的呼吁石沉大海。

(4) And I suppose she'll tell all the boys, the old cat. 我猜想她会告诉所有的男人,这个长舌的老太婆!(英语中猫常用来比喻恶毒的女人)

(5) Up and down he walked, up and down across the library floor.他在书房里走过来又走过去,走过来又走过去。(英语anastrophe--汉语顺成结构)

(6)In the past 12 months the word has watched with disbelief and dismay the acceleration of force and violence in the region.过去的十二个月里,全世界惊愕莫名地和难以置信地看到了这个地区正在加速使用武力和暴力。(英语alliter-ation--汉语对偶法)

(7)Mrs. Macbeth has a heart as hard as flint.麦克白夫人生来一副铁石心肠。(英语simile--汉语隐语)

第二句:我于这种时候深感到萧瑟的诗趣,常独自拨划着炉灰,不肯就睡,把自己拟诸山水画中的人物,作种种幽邈的遐想。

译文:Seized with a poetic mood generated by the scene of bleakness, I would stay up late and sit alone poking the charcoal fire, imaging myself a figure in a traditional Chinese landscape painting and indulging in deep reveries.

单词使用

深感,可以简单处理成feel deeply或者strong feeling,也可以使用seize或者occupy的被动态,表达被……抓住,占据,攫住,immerse也可以。

萧瑟,译文用bleakness十分贴切,bleak的意思是(of a landscape) bare; exposed; wind-swept(指景物)荒凉的,裸露的,光秃秃的;

也可用desolation,其含义是(of a place) deserted and miserable(指地方)无人烟的,荒凉的,荒芜的。

诗趣,译文用poetic mood,poetic feeling也可以。可用gusto一词,意思是enthusiastic vigour in doing sth 做某事的兴致;热忱,此处理解为文人的“雅兴”。

拨划,译文poke,其延伸出的poker一词,本来就有拨火棍,用以戳、拨的东西的含义,所以使用poke是非常精准的译法,可以避免让英文读者觉得是用手去摸滚烫的炉灰……

中国山水画,Chinese landscape painting是固定用法,以区分西方山水画。(在技法上,中国的山水画重在写意,使用“线”来造型,有独特的勾、皴、擦、染、点等技法。而西方的风景画,则更注重写实,使用光线、明暗、色块等来描绘风景,“线”在西方绘画中常用来界型。)

indulge in sth,含义是allow oneself to enjoy the pleasure of sth让自己尽情享受某事物,例如indulge in (the luxury of) a long hot bath.

reverie,含义是(state of having) idle and pleasant thoughts幻想;空想;遐;例如be deep, sunk, lost in reverie沉浸在﹑沉溺于﹑陷入幻想中。

如果大家一定想表达“幽邈”这个中文词语,不妨试试ethereal,misty,remote等词语,可以表达“飘渺、幽远、非真实”等含义。

翻译手法

“把自己拟诸山水画中的人物,作种种幽邈的遐想”,这句中文用词比较考究,其实翻译时有一个小技巧,可以把一些考究的句子试着用日常白话说出来,翻译就会容易很多。

这句用白话说就是“把自己想象成山水画中的任务,然后沉浸在想象之中”


群里大神们的优秀翻译:

郗何:

I felt the bleak poetic gusto dearly in my heart when I saw the cold moon on the window,heard the shout of pines waves outside and the noise made by hungry rats scuttled in the ceilings. I fiddle with the soot in the furnace alone instead of going to bed, indulged myself in the imagination as if I am a figure in the traditional Chinese landscape painting.

猫咪:

Listening tothe soughing of the wind in the pines, gazing the silvery moon through thewindows and hearing the noise made by the hungry rats prowling about theceilings,I felt great poeticdesolation.I fiddled with the stoveashes and refused to go to sleep,justindulging myself in deep reverie that I were the character in traditionalChinese landscape paintings.

梧桐:

I heard whistling of the wind in the pine, saw the cold moon shining above on the chamber window, and imagine, by the noise of the squeak,the starving mice fleeing about in the ceiling to search for food. I was immersed in the enjoyable time in such bleak autumn, which was a preference of poets. I often stayed up late and got lost in the fanciful thoughts,with my finger running across the stove ash, making myself in the image of the figure in the Chinese landscape paintings.

丹妮:

I heard the wind blew the pines as roaring, and the frozen moonlight illuminated lively on my window. I found a poor hungry mouse jumped up and down on my roof’s tent, it tried to look for some foods.At this time I was greeted by this sight and deeply felt soughing of the poetic. I used to put my fingers in stove ashes to drew something alone and unwilling to fall asleep. Also I regarded myself as a person who live in the landscape painting, then I felt everything was extraordinary.

大王:

The wind symphony in the pines was like roaring, the cold moonlight shined on the window, the hungry mouses squeaked and scurried in the ceiling. With strong poetic feelings of the bleak scene at that time, I often refused to go to bed and poked the ashes in stove alone,imaging myself a figure in the traditional Chinese landscape paintings freely.


以上。祝各位周末愉快哦~

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