To Every Unrest Soul


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—Maybe it is true that the sequence decides the one.

      Everyone might praise the age of twenty as the best days, as everything is possible. Indeed, it is true. However, the possibility, to some degree, means uncertainty. Just like being in the crossroads of life journey, one has no idea about where he should go and who should be his partner. Therefore, every step he takes is with great care, for neither does he have capital to squander nor capability to bear.

        “Of all a man’s life, there would be at least two such women. Having married a red rose, as time goes by, it gradually becomes the mosquito blood on the wall, while the white rose appears to be moonlight through the window.” Zhang Ailing once said that, “Married a white rose, however, it would become a sticky rice on clothe one day, while the red rose is just like a cinnabar mole on his chest.” Apparently, it best interprets the relation between love and marriage, but it’s far more than this.

        Similarly, just as The Road not Taken by Robert Frost, what the poet sighs for during his old times is not for the road he has taken, but for the road he has not. In other words, one, human beings, would never regret for the things he has done, since it has happened, but for the things he did not do, as there are various possibilities. Therefore, one is used to hypnotizing himself that what would happen, if he did this or that.

        Under the influence of such a way of thinking, one will pay less attention to what he has had, but more to what he does not have or did have. As a result, he would be trapped in a dilemma—he has nothing and he needs everything. It doesn’t mean he is lack of an eye to find the beauty in life, he does have. But the beauty he finds doesn’t belong to him but to others. Inevitably, this sense of psychological gap invisibly burden him, making him upset.

        No one can’t blame him for this, as this is one’s youth—be confused, helpless, but obstinate. Maybe the days to pursue for freshness have passed, and he is deep into his old memories. The new faces pass him, but the old ones catch him. Innocent ages happen to meet carefree minds. Even the quarrels he has had during the youth hood are for the purpose of a more solitude friendship.

        Being in different cities, taking various occupations and living respective life, one might have fewer common topics, or similar experiences, or even once ideas. Under these circumstances, most would gradually disappear in each other’s life without even saying a goodbye, just alienating. Both consider it to be regrettable but helpless at the same time. Having been greatly influenced by American fast food culture, everyone wishes to be understood instantly without a single word to explain—less is relation, more is gap. Even the slightest disagreement can bring an end to a relation within just seconds. At enthusiastic ages, one might misinterpret a solid friendship as wordless tacit understanding, thus ignoring the efforts to cultivate and to communicate.

          For me, a true relation is that you tell me and I feel indebted as if it were received in person. Silence kills every relation. Wish our restless youth be accompanied with few friends to talk about everything. 

Jennifer

  2017.8.31

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